|Reviews for Once Upon A Time|
| Flaming Trails chapter 2 . 7/4/2013
Awwwwwww. It was a long time coming, but it was worth it. I think you characterized Victoria very well here. I like how she sort of but not quite remembers Emily before the wedding - not knowing if she's reaching out to Victor or her when Emily takes him away is a nice touch. And the ending. . .awwwww, really. :)
However, in the interest of being a good reviewer, let me point out a few glitches in the narrative:
"Even though she managed to get through the ceremony, he wasn't." I do believe you meant "didn't" at the end?
"He defiantly didn't make a good impression on her family" Common mistake - "definitely." "Defiantly" suggests he was deliberately being a jerk to them.
"She wasn't sure what to think about him and neither were her parents. In the brief moment before Mr. and Mrs. Van Dort returned, she heard her father whisper : "Is he from your side of the family?"
Her mother glanced over at Victoria, who was staring out the window and truly not eavesdropping and responded: "I can't recall."" - I assume this is in the drawing-room scene, but that dialogue happened during the rehearsal in the movie.
"Not even Hildegard, who was seated next to a man…well, who once was a man who must have been her long dead husband." I only mention this because I'm pretty sure Hildegarde is sitting next to Bonejangles. . . .Actually, Bonejangles being Hildegarde's long-dead husband would be hilarious. XD
"Why was she hear," Homophones! "here"
""But now I've stolen them from something else."" She says "someone" in the movie, and I'd stick with that - "something" sounds wrong to me.
""I WILL NOT LEAVE HER EMPTY HANDED!"" Believe that was your intention, Barkis - aka you're missing an e from "here."
"She knew she shouldn't feel bad that somebody was dead but now she was free." I think you meant "should," though nobody can blame Victoria for not feeling bad Barkis is dead. :P
Sorry if some of these sound a little nitpicky - I really do like the story you've told, and I just want it to shine. (And yes, that's a point about the fairytales! I think I've read that version of Cinderella - blood everywhere! Finis would love it. XD)
| Whiggity chapter 1 . 8/29/2012
Well, it's good to know that I'm not the only person to whom this possibility's mentally manifested itself. Emily being an Everglot makes sense in some regards - she must have lived in or near Victor and Victoria's village in order for her to have died beneath that tree, and it's implied that she came from a family of some regard - but at the same time, if Victoria was old enough to have been conversing with Emily about fairy tales, wouldn't she have recognized her upon seeing her corpse later? If Victoria was too young or not yet born when Emily died, wouldn't Emily have been much further decomposed, nearly twenty years on? Why didn't Finis and Maudeline recognize Barkis when he came to their house? And why didn't Emily recognize her old home when she went to fetch Victor and drag him back underground?
Ah, well. Despite the logistical problems, it's an interesting idea nonetheless and this story is written well. Good job tackling it.
| Abby and Liv Snigglebottom chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Wow, this makes a lot of sense. Great story! I loved it, it makes so much sense, and was so well written. Awesome sauce!
| no name please chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
What a lovely little story! It was very well written, and unlike many other fics I've come across, you made it seem believable that Emily and Victoria were sisters.
The fairy tale theme was nicely done. That last line was so, so sad though...the fact that Victoria grew up not knowing the end to the fairy tale, with hardly any memory of her sister, made it that much sadder. Victoria's innocence coupled with the awful reality of Emily's fate made this a depressing read, but an excellent read nonetheless. I'm very curious and eager to see what you do with part two!
I do have a few nitpicky things, though: why wouldn't the Everglots have recognized Barkis when he married Victoria? Why didn't Victoria recognize Emily when she returned as the corpse bride? (Granted, she was rather young here, so perhaps its understandable)
Some others mentioned Finis not being the sort to read fairy tales. I see where they're coming from, but when you think about it so many of the original fairy tales (the Grimm brothers, Hans Christian Anderson) were quite dark, even scary and violent at times. Maybe they lacked guns, but I could see Finis tolerating them for a short while, so I personally think you're fine in that respect.:)
Hope to see part 2 up soon!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
Although I have a really hard time thinking of Finis Everglot as the type to EVER read fairytales (unless they somehow involved shooting things), I like this little story. It's nicely written, and the scene with them reading fairytales together is really cute. I'm looking forward to seeing the other half.
| Flaming Trails chapter 1 . 7/17/2012
While this is not a headcanon I would have thought of, I do like this story. It's well written, and the interactions between Emily and little Victoria are rather sweet. Though I have trouble picture Finis Everglot ever reading fairytales. Unless they involve shooting somehow.
I'm looking forward to part 2!