|Reviews for A New Legend|
| Guest chapter 9 . 2/6
Fiora is rin right? Plus I like love it your story is so omg its so cool! more like asin met fiora and make them a couples
| Kawaii Mahou Sho chapter 8 . 8/2/2013
Nani kore shitto? Natto desuu shiittooo againnnuuuu
| ChocoBrownie chapter 7 . 7/14/2013
Madame Gracielle...more than half of the required periods (you know the dots that go at the end of a sentence?) Are missing...
| Fly Swatter chapter 5 . 1/22/2013
...aaaand after a helpful review like that, it's usually nice to have a few cookies, from what I gather.
The author below me is correct; there are errors and even with my fail japanese, I can tell something's wrong. Your name, which apparently means "dark hate kill" or something like that, is not real happy stuff. I first thought you hated yourself or something o.o
But there's no need to be discouraged (that is, um, if you are. If you're not, ignore me) You do have potential, that's for sure! The fact that you had the courage and guts to post a story on the fandom already proves that you can do awesome
There are a few beta readers that would be only too pleased to help you, so get one! :D I'll be watching this story
So get up and eat some cake. Cake makes people feel better.
| Lucienteal chapter 3 . 1/20/2013
As you know I am a blunt person by nature and gives out harsh reviews and such but I am just going to try to be alittle nicer. But then again please do excus my blunt nature since I don't think sugar coating will not make you a better Author.
First, you must understand that grammar and spelling does matter alot, even if you are writting for fun or not. As you know, some people here actually do aim to be an author and get their work publish out and they will take writting seriously. Some people are harsh critics and authors (as Fata has said) and trust me, they make me look like a saint. They will be really offensive if they see English being written out like that and they will bash on you and use swear words, I am alright in my reviews since I try to limite out my cussing but I have seen really harsh reviews. Grammar and spelling does matter, it doesn't matter if this is for fun or not, one spelling mistake on a word can giv a whole another meaning in one sentence. For example, ""Fiora! Ronan! I'm Glad that you're alright!" Amy jump to Fiora, hug her as tite as she can""(Ch. 3), the word "tite" I think you meant "TIGHT" but the word "tite" is another word for boobs, some people spell it "tite" or "tit" but here where I live, people spell it "tite". But the main point is that the word "TIGHT" and the word "TITE" are way off from each other, so one can misread it as Amy hugging Fiora's boobs. I am not sure if you meant that but honestly thats what I read and it took me a while to realize that you meant "TIGHT". So spelling does matter, I won't go on about grammar since Fata and Seiryen is better at it then I am. I will also advise you to get a beta reader as well, I bet there are alot of people out there that are willing to help you. I can also beta for you, but then my beta might be too harsh and blunt and upset you but as I said, there are lots of people out there. If you are going to write in English then you might as well follow the rules of the lanugage. How happy are you if I just butcher your mother lanugage and just write in broken sentences? You wouldn't be very happy right? Then it is the same for English speakers. I know English is not your first lanuage and honestly it is a really lame and patheic excuse for me because English is my third lanuage, you just have to work hard and actually get help and accept help from others. It is how I improve and I hope that you can improve as well. Honestly if you still think that I am being a prick over your grammar and spelling then I will bluntly tell you, if you honestly don't give a single crap then you either don't write in English and butcher more of this beautiful lanuage or make it so that the story is readable or improve your english so then people don't have to nag you about this over and over again. Excuse for my bad lanuage but honestly, thats what I think.
Second, Logic. I will have to be blunt on this point, I understand that this is a fantasy story with supernatural but it would be great if you still have abit of realism in it. "Unbreakable metal" is just blabbery, I mean if you just write "unbreakable metal" then it is really just plain bullcrap. If you made it "diamond" then it is alot more better since diamond is the toughest substance on earth known to man so far but "unbreakable metal" just no. Like you could've even used "Adamantium" which is from Marvel and it would've made alittle more sense then "unbreakable metal". As a chemistry honour student, this is just plain blabbery, also "aquamarine gem" which one is it? There are SO many gems and they can be aquamarine colour for God knows. It would be nice if you actually DESCRIBE it out, it gives more realism in the story. I would say do some reserch, it will make you look less of an idiot to others.
Third, the japanese. NO, just NO.
I know you like anime and Japan, but just NO. This is an ENGLISH story not Japanese. First off, Grand Chase is a korean game so I don't know WHY you have Japanese, it would've made MORE sense to have korean rather then Japanese. Second why would Fiora call Ronan "nii-san", I mean just NO, I am not even going to talk about it. Third, that kirai bothers the hell out of me, i mean do you know what Kirai even means? It means hate or dislike. Look, watching alot of anime and read alot of manga means that you actually KNOW Japanese. To be honest, me and a few of my friends had a laugh at your story and your name. I take japanese class in school and so does my friends, except for 2 which are actually Japanse people and honestly, you are just making a fool out of yourself with your low knowledge of the lanuage. Not only that, you are also butchering the lanuage by shoving it into everywhere and use it in a korean fandom. "Sama" and "Kun" honestly, I am not going to even talk more about it but if you are going to use japanese then type everything in hiraga. Romaji is NOT a lanuage and stick to ONE laguage only.
Alright, I am just going to leave it here, I am getting to worked up now and if i continue I might end up just bashing. I would agree with Fata's adive, please do get a beta reader. For the sake of us english pricks and for reader's eyes. Have a nice day, sorry if I offend up around the last part, I was a bit too worked up. But then to you I am just some mean and harsh person who like to hurt other's feeling with my harsh and blunt reviews.
IN SHORT, GET A BETA READER. PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF GRAND CHASE FANDOM. PLEASE. YOU CAN ALSO ASK THESE FOLLOWING PEOPLE FOR HELP AS WELL, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT QUALIFY OR AVAILABLE FOR BETA:
- Fata Lunevis (She is available)
-Sirenys (not qualify but is available)
- Me (I am not qualify but I am available)
You can also look in the beta section for all games as well.
| MusaBakaChan chapter 5 . 1/20/2013
What a long chapter! It seems that everyone is updating now. I also plan to update soon (hopefully). Anyways, what happened to Fiora? Is that some secret power she has? Hopefully you'll explain that later. A great chapter! Just work on the grammar.
| Ghosthunter Slayer chapter 5 . 1/20/2013
I know I haven't reviewed your story in awhile, but this chapter looks ok, just add more corrections to your grammar.
| MusaBakaChan chapter 4 . 9/29/2012
Elesis is up next! I have a feeling that she's going to be hard to persuade
Kaze'aze and the Black Fairy Queen teamed up? I thought they had no relation...
You kept switching from past to present. Be careful of that!
| Meranii chapter 4 . 9/25/2012
Sorry everyonr for he grammar mistakes! .
After I read this chapter again, I found a lot of mitakes i made! I'm trully sorry for my wreckless action. Forgive me! I will corrected the chapter as soon as I have a time to do it... T.T
| Kaien-Aerknard chapter 3 . 9/4/2012
Nice Story line and as i predicted before i read this chapter, both of them will meet sieg here! XD
Waiting for the next chapter! i wonder who's next XD
| Guest chapter 3 . 8/22/2012
Nice fic! Update soon!
| Ghosthunter chapter 2 . 7/25/2012
Nice plot and story, again, need grammar corrections...
| Mystic Zidler chapter 2 . 7/23/2012
this story seems interesting...
i'll look forward to your updates
| MusaBakaChan chapter 2 . 7/21/2012
I would've reviewed sooner but FF was being weird again.
Anyways, it was a good chapter. But in some sentences where there was dialogue, you didn't add periods at the end. If you don't add a period, the sentence isn't complete.
And some of the sentences sound weird. It's probably because you're missing a word or two in there.
Yeah, there's a lot of beta readers floating around. I'm also one of them
Keep improving and update soon!
ominous: You actually can start a sentence with 'Is', but only if the sentence is a question.
| omnious chapter 2 . 7/21/2012
Well, first I'd say the plot is good. Next... Please don't start sentence with 'Is'. I don't think 'Is' is even a Noun. Next, like what FataMoon reviewed, if you believe your english bad, find Beta Reader. I am one of them, if you didn't realize it. Grammar and spelling errors could be eliminated by using Ms. Words proofing tool.
For FataMoon, Fiora is her OC's name. I don't think if a name have no meaning can hurt someone except it got translated into different language and the result is bad.
But that's not the case now... Just speak bluntly. No hard feeling, okay?