|Reviews for A Weird Start|
| James Birdsong chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
| animeluv3 chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
Whoa what did kujo do to victorique.! Is victorique preggers.? Sick? Dying?
Hmm makes me wonder please continue.!
| Hazey Rine chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
So I'm here :)
A few misspellings here and there. If you have no time to recheck your work yourself, I recommend a BETA reader because they help tons.
Some sentences were constructed... How do I say this? Awkwardly? Maybe?
For example: "Still unpleased, Victorique made her way to her bed and took out her pipe. Not sure what to do, Kujo pushed his aching pain from his head away and cautiously sat next to her."
Edited Version: "Far from pleased, Victorique made her way to her bed and took out her pipe. Not sure on what to do, Kujo pushed the aching pain to the back of his head and cautiously sat next to her."
See what I mean? ;u;
You forgot to put an apostrophe for the word is twice; "Shes", "its" and "someones" should be "She's", "it's" and "someone's".
I don't believe Victorique speaks English. As far as the anime goes, our Golden Fairy is constantly wearing Victorian dresses and she's often heard speaking in French. Like when she was looking for the thirteen step of heaven.
Over all, I don't understand how you came to the decision that this would be a one-shot because all I understood is Victorique's being extremely moody and Kujo is having trouble understanding her yet again.
Likewise, they're both out of character. Kujo wouldn't have panicked I think because he's used to her disappearing then appearing again. Victorique most especially because it would take a great deal of something to get her to start screaming at Kujo. Although the "finger-flick" scene in the anime got her angry... And I'm rambling "
Anyways, this is all right, but I believe that this can't possibly be a one-shot. It hasn't been fully explained as a story.
| AuthorSwimmerPoet chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
So there were some spelling and grammar issues throughout that you should look into fixing, but the story is good, if a little confusing since you used so many flashbacks, which also made the setting a little confusing, some of your pacing was a little off and made the story difficult to follow. Your characterization was overall pretty good, if not quite spot-on all the time. I think it could be fun for you to write more and see where later parts of the story might take you instead of just leaving it at this point.
| VictoriqueD.Blois11 chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
I can assure anyone who bothers reading this that Victorique isn't pregnant. . that woul be too weird for me to write. Lol.