|Reviews for 16 New Year, New Life|
| sbz chapter 18 . 2/5/2013
I just found your series of stories... hmm, about a week ago? I've been reading them every chance I get and enjoying them (obviously). Since I see you're still writing, I decided to finally review.
I like that it's one giant ongoing series in their lives and relationship. It allows us to see the evolution of everyone and really get invested in their lives. So many stories end as soon as the case is over, bad guy caught, etc, which I hate because it cheats readers of all the *after*, which is often some of the best stuff.
I did want to address a few points of constructive criticism. Seeing as I'm only 16 stories in, some of these issues may be resolved in later stories, but they've been nagging me. And, since you're still writing, you might find it helpful.
1. You have a you're vs your problem. It's systemic throughout so I know it's not a typo. You're you are. "You're late... you're my best friend... you're going to hate this..." etc.
Your possessive. "Your badge... your wife... your house... your father..." etc.
2. I feel like JJ and Emily have the same conversation/observations over and over and over and over. It's rather repetitive and boring. What conversations, you ask? It's the themes, really. I can't count the number of times one of them has been overcome/struck/etc with love at the sight of the other one with Henry, which often leads to the "I love you so much, you're my world, I don't know what I'do do without you" conversation (which again appears when one of them's been hurt). Then there's the "I'll always try my best to come home... always protect you... etc". I think I'm forgetting some themes. It's just a bit tiresome, and honestly I've started skimming these conversations.
3. This is a characterization thing. Both of them seem to get jealous at the mere sight of someone talking/touching the other. Doesn't really fit (IMO) with who they are (especially considering the never ending professing of love and devotion), and a few of your stories stated they weren't the "jealous type"!
Also, the rampant "baby/babe" and other terms of endearment just... ichk. Neither JJ nor Emily seem like the type of women (at least not as I see them) to use such saccharine names, and not so prolifically, either. The names for Henry are fine, that's a whole other cart of apples. But baby... I don't know, for me, that word is just loaded and weighted with certain connotations and I kinda hate it (which is my issue more than yours... guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. But I cringe a little inside every time I read it.).
4. Despite the ongoing nature of the stories, I feel like enough time and attention isn't paid to the fallout. They've all been through some pretty serious stuff, yet they're jumping into the next case and leaving hospitals with concussions like they're nothing (they aren't, believe me [though I know the show has been guilty of this]). To me, the point of putting characters through terrible stuff is to see how they react, how it changes them, etc, but they seem like the same people they were at the beginning.
I have yet to see how Emily's recent... difficulties... in this story play out in later ones. Perhaps I will be pleased.
5. Almost forgot this one! You choose to write in present tense, but you slip into past tense. Present is considered one of the most difficult tenses to write in and I always find it an odd choice for fiction.
So those are my thoughts and observations. Some of them stem from my own weird little issues with fiction. For instance, I'm all about the consequences (TV irks me, because nothing ever seems to matters), so I'm always looking for stories that really delve into the after effects of the characters' crazy lives. If we were being honest, the whole BAU team would probably be so burnt out and off their rockers by now! But then there'd be no story left.
Anyway, I've really been enjoying your tales. Prentiss and JJ (and Garcia) were always my favorite characters, and I love stories that let them be the heroes and take the licks and save the day (which is still, tragically, rare on TV). When I read something I like I analyze it, which leads to feedback.
I hope that you find something useful or worthy of thought in my observations. If not, just know I'm going to keep on reading, enjoying, and perhaps reviewing!
Thank you for sharing, writing so much so fast, and reading my lengthy review.
| gleeeeeeeek89 chapter 16 . 8/26/2012
I just realized the actress who played Elizabeth Prentiss played Sabrina Duncan hahahahahaha!
| chawkchic chapter 18 . 7/29/2012
So glad I caught up with the latest part of this storyline. Great writing!
| Secrets For Sale chapter 18 . 7/28/2012
Yay! They gotten and settled in their new house! Time for house warming! Haha. Glad that Emily is Ok now. Mark being the sperm donor sounds weird to me, but it worth a shot ;)
| LoveAndMadness chapter 18 . 7/28/2012
Finally got the chance to read the rest of the story and I think it's awesome! I'm glad Emily is getting better!
| Swishla chapter 18 . 7/26/2012
Oh, just read several chapters and I really enjoy your take on the CM team! After a very long week of family activities, it is great to relax with your stories. Loved the bit with The Ambassador going all Charlie's Angels and the reference to Cagney and Lacey. Nice job highlighting the break as well as not going too deep into Emily's past and her demons. Fantastic end to this story and I look forward to the next. Thanks so much for sharing.
| srhittson chapter 18 . 7/26/2012
love the story I hope you already have the next one up or will by the time I get home from band camp at 5
| Guest chapter 18 . 7/25/2012
OK, so I had just finished reading "Henry's First Christmas" and I kept checking it over and over again for weeks, waiting for you to upload another chapter, silly me cause I didnt realise it was complete and you wrote two new ones! I am so happy to finally read new stuff! I love your story and I think your an amazing author! Keep up the great work!
| odunit chapter 18 . 7/25/2012
so much happiness in these chapters...yay :) can't wait to see what you come up with next, hurry lol :)
| Guest chapter 18 . 7/25/2012
| DarXe chapter 18 . 7/25/2012
Very good story. I like how you are treating Emily's past and her thoughts. Lookibg forward to when you finish the next. ;)
| DarXe chapter 17 . 7/25/2012
Loved the Charlies Angels reference. I always loved that show, but when I see or think of Kate Jackson, even now, I think of Scarecrow & Mrs. King. Loved that show.
| StefanieT21 chapter 18 . 7/24/2012
Some really great writing! Just beautiful.
| TVCrazed chapter 18 . 7/24/2012
And everything is right in the world...for now. Also Emily and JJ have a lot of sex lol...can they be in five chapters together without it lol
CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT STORY.
PLZ UPDATE SOON.
| gleeeeeeeek89 chapter 18 . 7/24/2012
I don't find the Mark thing weird at all. My best friend has two moms and they used one of the other's brother's sperm. They still consider him the uncle. She doesn't see him as her father. So I think it's realistic.
Also, honestly I see both Emily and JJ as the guy/woman. They both have attributes to both and it's makes them them. It's all equal.
I do agree with one reader... Idk why, but maybe have Emily injured protecting JJ but make it out stronger than before.
I can't wait for Emily to get pregnant! :) and her as a liaison? Kinda weird, but I can see it. Really can't wait until the next story! I'm anxiously waiting :D