|Reviews for A Mages Dispute|
| SyQadelic chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
Your Dragonborn, honestly, is a bit of a wimp.
In FoZ, Saito gets pushed around a lot because he is, for lack of a better explanation, a completely normal person. He takes the insults and the abuse because he really cannot do anything about it.
A Dragonborn, on the other hand, is supposed to be proud, not a simpering idiot. In fact, there are few reason even to allow him to be bound by Louise's magic. There are valid reasons, of course - surprise, pity, even a mentorship role.
Overall, your writing style is very good, but the material of the story is not very well thought out. Please take a look at this and rewrite it.
| ishygddt456 chapter 2 . 8/23/2012
Good job so far, can't wait to see more! Update soon :3
| Warmaster Tzeentch chapter 2 . 8/4/2012
At the rate Louise is going she will be frozen solid real soon. But even though Bosmer are more peacefull then the other Mer, it can only go so far. And shouldn't they be terrified of him gor being a elf, unless of course because Bosmer look quite different then their elfs. But I do feel sorry for Tabitha, she has little idea of what she's done.
| Rybalov chapter 2 . 7/29/2012
It is interesting)
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/23/2012
"Although when it comes to suspension of disbelief, hell that had better be suspended beforehand before reading any kind of crossover."
-Actually no, a crossover doesn't save you from trying to have people act in a believable way without a good reason and then expect things to follow the same road map Saito's summoning laid down. I see no reason to add Derflinger at all to your Dovahkiin's arsenal seeing as he doesn't have a need for Louise to give him a weapon.
They must not have had dealings with elves at all if Louise can stomp all over one without the slightest fear.
Colbert's sordid past not affecting him and leading him to teaching in the first place... check. If 'fire is only used for destruction' why is he a teacher and not with his experimental group using it the way he describes again? A question I'd like answered later on please.
Again they won't refer to elves as commoners because the fear of said species that's been growing for 6000 years. This isn't here to discourage you, it's here to help you write better about a series you've decided to throw your character/SI-lite into.
Weapons training without runes glowing and him not noticing any enchantments... interesting. Wonder how this is going to be explained off in the future (if it ever is).
| DragFire chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
An unexpected change of events. I liked the chapter very much and I hope you keep updating.
| Lord Sigfry chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
| Inciacci chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
pretty good so far. I do recommend not letting him show his true potential for awhile, no one wants an overpowered protagonist at the start, it would ruin the plot now would it?
maybe let him use the fire shout, but then again its another reason why Kirche will stick to Dovahkiin like a leech.
| GobbaGo chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
He's an elf... and no one freaks out? Having someone from the race of "boogiemans" being summoned into a class filled with kids should start an all out panic.
| GobbaGo chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
So... You're basing the dragonborn as someone after the main quest correct? By all accounts he should have at least some kind of ego or a speck of pride in him by now. Being practically the savior of the world does wonders to someone's hubris. Yet you have him being bossed around, humiliated, and even abused by a little girl who would have been killed for a lot less in Skyrim.
I'm not saying it's bad, it's just that it's just too out of character for someone like the dragonborn.
| biggie1447 chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
Interesting but you ate making him way . Saito is submissive because of his culture and the lack of a spine. But anyone with the background of your character is unlikely to put up with Louise for very long. So far all you have done is change his appearance and give him some toys. The treatment alone would have me about to punch the bi*#h and taking such a valuable sword would get you killed by most owners.
The story has a lot of promise but the sissy attitude is to similar to Canon to be a original story.
| Patcheresu chapter 2 . 7/21/2012
"Fire only has one purpose: to destroy. To incinerate all in its path." Colbert explains, pulling out a large wooden block from behind the desk he was leaning on. "Can someone here demonstrate its power on this block here? A simple fireball spell will suffice."
Nope. Fire heats, warms, is the patron element of Destruction in Halkegenia, and it takes in energy and gives off heat and power, thus you missed the other purpose of fire in Halkegenia. Colbert mentioned another purpose in the anime and light novel.
You mean cliffhanger maker. D:
| Diaconsecond chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
As a Skyrim player and an Archmage at that I find your character disappointing, making a fic about an Archamage with only journeyman level magic, I like your reading but your character seems like a tad too submissive. Heck I have had my character go crazy from time to time, especially in Riften, damn it I hate the thieves guild killed a lot of them (Mostly because of the bug in that guild)... still mage are badass ones you get all the final destruction spells and get a destruction cost reduction of 100.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
It breaks my suspension of disbelieve when you have the mages acting the way they are with an elf being summoned. They'd be running in terror not standing around worrying about his status and Louise would not immediately try to bind one. They're terrified of the race and their ability to use Spirit/Ancient magic after all. The fact that he's an elf, armed, and dressed like he's a magic user would have set off every kind of run (or in some suicidal protective cases fight) instinct they had. Hopefully you can explain why this didn't all happen in a believable way later on.
| CleverPervertedPriest chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
I would say the Dragonborn is a little too composed about all this... Still, this is a good start.