|Reviews for Reckoning|
| WandereroftheWastes88 chapter 1 . 1/23/2013
Ok story so far. The grammar could use a little work though.
Also, it's good to have chapters at least 2000 words long.
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/10/2013
That's fine, it happens to everyone. I'd would really love to see you continue the Reckoning though.
| 1Past and Present1 chapter 2 . 9/4/2012
Not bad writing, though you've made some amateurish errors. No worries, these are easy to fix. I'll highlight some of your sentences so you can see what I mean.
'"Ow…" *Came a male voice from in the other room.'
-No capital should be present here as you are describing how the prior dialogue came about (yelled, said, whispered, uttered, came, etc).
"Ow…" came a male voice from in the other room.
'"Don't give me that! You've taken bullets that were worse.*" A* female voice scolded, before there was another thud, followed by another *ouch*.'
-There's numerous mistakes in the above quote. They are respectively; incorrect punctuation mark (replace with a comma), incorrect capital usage, lack of quotation marks for emphasis (without quotation marks it becomes a noun - ouch is not a noun)
"Don't give me that! You've taken bullets that were worse," a female voice scolded, before there was another thud, followed by another 'ouch'.
Those are just a few examples. I hope this helps.
Now we have some bad news.
I've made this mistake before (I quickly fixed it, too), so I'm not gonna report you for doing this; however, do note from now on that inviting OCs from the audience to take part in your fic is considered interactive fiction, and it is not allowed. But you can get away with it if instead of having OCs cluttering your reviews, you ask for them in PM form instead. I think it's legal that way.
However, this lawbreaker has no excuse; you have posted an author's note as the entire second story chapter, and I'm sorry, but it's obviously not story content. Post this notice on your profile page. I feel cheated because when I go to the second chapter, it's not a chapter! There's no story here. Sorry, but Reported.
Best to you, and have fun.
| WingZero92 chapter 2 . 8/27/2012
Name: Kristopher Munro
Nickname: Kris, Munro
Personality: Cool, calm, and collected. Keeps his head in even dangerous situations. Has a way with words, a real 'Lady Killer' of sorts. Has a good sense of humour, even if he tends not to show it through his calm exterior.
Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)
Eyes: grey / blue
Hair: Short dark brown hair, with naturally messy spikes
Facial Hair: Stubble and a light beard / goatee
Scars/Tattoos: A large scar across his chest, though rarely seen
Clothing: Joshua Graham's outfit without the tribal stitches and a Ranger Duster over the top, with a pair of Authority Glasses
Weapon: Battle Rifle, 5.56 mm Pistol, Bowie Knife
Birthplace: A dusty track in the middle of nowhere
Family: Mother and a Father. His mother is a caravan traveller, his father a former veteran NCR Ranger
Rank: Captain (Formerly)
Reason for joining: To help fight the good fight. The Courier looked like an interesting companion and he was bored with staying in one place
Location: Boulder City
The son of an NCR ranger and a caravan traveller from back west, Kris has no real home, having been raised in the caravans that roamed the wastes. When he was old enough, he became an NCR soldier like his father and while a natural talent with a rifle, missing out on becoming 1st Recon by the skin of his teeth, found that he disliked the rules and red tape involved with being a soldier. His skills were second to none though, quickly becoming a mini-legend in his own right, and was slated to become a veteran ranger just like his father had. But his frequent disrespect to the chain of command or 'correct procedures' earned him the ire of command, and so despite his ability, was busted back to private several times.
He was wounded during his service, and while he doesn't like to admit it, he let a super mutant get the drop on him while he was keeping watch and giving covering fire to some other soldiers. A bumper sword tore cleaning through his armour, and body.
After a particularly infamous incident where some of his unit was trapped by raiders, only for Kris to throw the rulebook into the trash and took his remaining men to save them without approval from his ranking officer, infact disobeying a direct order, Kris was known to have thrown his dogtags at his CO and left the base the same day.
So once his service was terminated, he became a traveller like his mother, guarding caravans, trading, flirting with girls in his travels. He always remained loyal to the NCR though, even if he did realise that it had its flaws, it was the best hope that humanity had to one more prosper.
Travelling most recently to the Mojave, he joined a caravan headed along the 95, though left them at the 188, wanting to see the ruins of Boulder City, and currently guards the bar there, though he is quickly becoming bored of being in one place for so long.
Anything Else: Hates raiders with a passion, distrusts but respects the BoS, dislikes drug use but likes alcohol, has a particular taste for Brahmin Steak and Salisbury Steak. Has a phobia of feral gouls, and has been known to freeze up if encountering more than a couple at once, and can also be nervous around non-feral gouls too.
I must say that you've made a pretty good start. Even if it is just a prologue. I like the idea of including some interaction with other characters too, hence the profile up there . It'll be interesting to see how this thing plays out, and I'll be keeping an eye on your story, with or without the inclusion of my character
| RavenRose8 chapter 2 . 8/26/2012
hey can I PM you with the details because I'm doing it on my iPod
| Shocking horror chapter 2 . 8/25/2012
Name: Theodore William Archer
Personality: Theo is driven, if he wants it he will do anything he needs to get it. He also has a temper, and that can bite him in the arse, or lead him to do ruthless things. That said Theo is loyal to his friends and to his family.
He can be sarcastic, but has a tendency to say exactly what he thinks without bothering to filter himself. Most of all Theo likes to wander, he can’t stand staying in one place any more.
Hair (If Human): Red, worn long, but tied back.
Scars/Tattoos (If any): Dog bits all across his arms and torso, it’s explained in his back story.
Clothing: Bounty Hunter's duster, and or leather armour.
Weapon: Riot shotgun, and cowboy repeater.
Birthplace: A town just near the Californian and Mojave's boarder. (I couldn't think of a name for it, sorry)
Family: Parent's Casper and Monica Archer, both dead. An elder sister Alice 21, who is a member of the Followers. Two younger brothers Eric, and Samuel, 15 and 13, who live with Alice.
Affiliation (If apart of a smaller group, which side will you go with?) :
Rank ( If any):
Reason for joining : (If siding with my OC): He likes the adventure, and who better to go traveling with then the Courier? (If you can think of a better reason, please feel free to use that instead.)
Location: New Vegas Medical Centre.
Background (Lengthy Please) :
Theo's Mother was once a member of the Adders a tribe back east; she left and married his father. Theo's spend most of his childhood with his grandfather while his parent's worked in a small caravan company. He and his siblings were taught to read, write and shoot by their grandfather.
When he was 15, his mother's tribe raided the town and killed most of the inhabitants, his parent's and grandparent's included. Theo and his siblings escaped by hiding in the cellar.
Because of this Theo has developed a lifelong hatred of tribals, and Raiders. Theo is also resentful to the NCR, believing that they should have offered the town better protection. Alice decided that the Followers could give them a safe place to stay, and decided to join.
While glad that his siblings had found sanctuary, Theo couldn’t stay. He began taking mercenary jobs, along with bounties, and Caravan guarding jobs. On one such they went to trade with his mother’s old tribe, recognising them he went mad with rage.
That night Theo burnt their camp to the ground, most suffocated from the smoke. Those who escaped the smoke he gunned down. But there were too many in the tribe, and those who survived had the war dogs attack him. Believing to Theo to have died, the remnants of the Adders left him to bleed out.
Theo survived due to medx, stimpacks, incompetency and blind luck. Having his fill of revenge he decided not to follow them. Theo made his way through the Mojave taking any odd job that came his way.
After being hired to kill a group of Cazadors that had been harassing the Crimson Cravan Company’s trade route, he was again badly injured. He went to the New Vegas Medical Centre for treatment, and ended up staying on as a guard.
I guess he wouldn’t like to talkj about what happened with his family or the Adders. With the Mojave conflict, he’s undecided he can see merits in both sides, and their flaws. He’ll go with whichever side the Courier decides upon.
If you think its rubbish, please feel free to ignore this.
| LyokoDragon15 chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
a good story so far. mind reading mine and helping me with ideas?
| RavenRose8 chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
great chapter can't wait for more
| Atomitrox chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Good, but standard start thus far. I like Veronica, so I'm glad you put her in the character list.
However, a few things to note: first, you need to make sure that your sentences that are spoken are in separate paragraphs from different speakers. Sometimes, this site clumps things together.
Second, you ought to clean up the sentences in your opening description (capitalization, use of punctuation, etc.) because it looks sloppy and it's not a good first impression for the reader. That, and the last sentence of your opener is kinda immature. Just my two cents. Good luck to you.
| I Am Harbinger chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Very good for your first chapter something most people will tell you is longer chapters and the only other suggestion I can give you is read some of the really really popular fics on the site to get a better idea of what people like