|Reviews for Take Ten Seconds|
| Briseis chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
This is exceptionally well written.
| District11-Olive chapter 1 . 12/28/2012
Ok, first of all Immy, I agree that this is not a drabble xD drabbles are shorter and such, but this is an incredibly written one shot.
I loved how fast paced it was, which really tied into the title of the fic. The metaphors and other literary devices were used beautufully and really helped to convey the thoughts of this obviously doomed tribute.
the beginning was wonderful, though I could see that the omittion of the word "GONG!" would have improved this, maybe instead say something about what this tribute was hearing. Possibly another one of those metaphors you seem to love. The initial description of the arena was quick and vague, which created more opportunity for you to go into more detail during one of the other fragments.
The fear and confusion of this character is wonderful, and, as with everything else, was conveyed perfectly. The metaphors for the animals that described the other tributes was great to read and the theme was kept throughout the piece which was wonderful.
The part between the 3,4/5,6 could have been worded differently, as it sounded a bit too animated and it didn't really fit in with the rest of the writing. Maybe you could have extended another metaphor or comparison, or even just described what she was seeing more in depth. Though the desperation in the writing's voice was well meant, it could be improved.
"As the metal kisses my throat, it leaves a bloodstained kiss." This line was my favourite by far, it perfectly described everything and left me with an eerie feeling. I loved the illusion of time that you created at the very end, which helped to tie everything together and also brought in the reasoning for the title. "Don't make it yours." I feel like this line may have been unnecessary, and that you could have ended the entire piece with the line above.
Other than my little concrit above, this was great Immy. Don't underestimate your writing skills, even this short one shot was wonderful and with just a few minor tweaks it would be flawess. But I think your writing has grown from this, so just keep it as a memory of how much you have grown from your earlier writing, into the perfection you are coming up with now.
| mparts99 chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
Wow... That is deep...
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
Drabble means a hundred words exactly. Its a common misconception that it means 'short story'.
The prose is far too flowery. It begins rather early and doesn't seem to stop, with the biggest problem being where she describes the Careers as wolves and everyone else as snakes or birds or other animals. The symbolism is obvious and a little hamfisted. Wolves don't use their claws; they use their teeth, and in the chaos like the one the narrator is describing, even the Careers can die because its a mixture of opportunities. Someone who is in a life-or-death situation wouldn't think like this, in this pretentous, flowery prose.
The Careers are of course evil. I wish the story wasn't so blatant with this. Its as if the only threat is them, and the narrator saying she dosen't know who has a chokehold on her neck but gusesing that it just has to be an evil, chucking Career because that's the only threat is just boring and predictable. For being a trained kid, he seems to spend too much time grinning and relishing in it. He would be easily killed by someone who's not too busy playing it out and killing quickly and moving on.
Further on that, the story being told in first person kinda ruins it a bit because it almost breaks conventions by narrating past the point where the character should be dead. She even says that nobody would ever know her story, yet she's obviously addressing an audience and she has enough time to conclude it with a lesson.
The idea sounded interesting, as its about not hesitating, but there wasn't a moment of hesitation here. She tries to get a weapon and gets killed when she's overcome by someone stronger than her. This has nothing to do with hesitation. You could argue that if she had just let go and run off, or her inner monologue trying to rationalize this but things happening too quickly meant that she waited to long and died, well alright point given. That didn't happen though, so it wasn't very good on the hestiation front.
I hope this helped. Good luck with your writing!
| Sgarnett99 chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Hi! I just came across your story because I was hoping to be in the 24 author collab 14, so I was reading 13. I really liked the District 9 girl so I looked you up & found this story, I'm glad i did :D
Wow this was good. I don't really know how to describe it. It's just impressive, ok? It was good grammar, it made sense, and your writing is so detailed without it being boring. I'm taking notes from this :)
And btw, if you wanted to reply to this review by PM my pen name is Sgarnett99, I was just too lazy to log in.
Thanks for the lovely drabble! Please write more :)
| Blue Eyes Arch Angel chapter 1 . 10/21/2012
Emotional and brilliantly written my friend
| madworlds chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
I like your drabble, it is intriguing, even though you don't know who the tribute is. I think it is also very well written.
About my story; I know the fact Vera has no parents is very cliche, but for purposes later in the story it's better that she has no family. I wasn't quite sure when to kill them off, so I randomly picked two , however, needs to have a family, because I think he was quite weak-minded and at District 6 people would have been a bit lenient. In the arena, I believe his mind couldn't take it anymore and simply crumbled.
| The name is Florine chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
Where's Twenty Four Years?
| ectobiologies chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
Wow, this is really good. It's quite sad, too. It makes me think about how I waste time idling around all day, not bothering to- well, I guess I'll stop rambling about how I'm lazy because it'll take all day, haha.
| NinjaNakkiOfCabin11 chapter 1 . 8/17/2012
So many metaphors! I loved it though, I always felt bad for the bloodbath victims that never had a chance. Nicely done! Poor guy...
Read on and Rock out,
| truces chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
This is very good. It's not a Drabble, technically, because drabbles are 100 words or less. But I think the concept is cool and I like the writing style.
| distances chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
Oh that was really cool. Nice work
| Fearless Rider chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
I love drabbles and this one was very well done. Breaking it down into seconds was a good idea and the imagery was very good.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
Woah, so intense.