|Reviews for Chalk|
| Lasgalendil chapter 1 . 6/10/2013
Well done! Bane's eloquence and maddening superiority were spot-on. Blake's dialogue got a little too...esoteric? there at the end in response, but that's how monologuing works in this genre, so we'll take it (sudden changes in voicing work much better in movies than they do in written script-here, we notice the sentence gets longer and the vocabulary becomes richer).
A nice little one-shot, perfectly suiting both their characters. It honestly feels like it could be a deleted scene.
On a constructive note, try using shorter sentences and direct descriptions when describing action scenes to keep up the suspense. Descriptive writing is great, but for short, quick beats it can actually detract from a scene. For example:
A soft click sounded next to him and he froze, eyes sliding to the side to see that several of Bane's men had snuck up on him unawares and now held a gun to his head. "Don't move."
He heard a soft click. He froze. Sliding his eyes to the side he could see several of Bane's men had snuck up on him unawares. They now held a gun to his head.
One of the men stepped forward and began to pat him down, searching for weapons. Another man grabbed his wrist and wrenched the piece of chalk from his fingers. He watched it fall to the ground and get crushed under the man's boot.
"Don't move," One stepped forward and patted him down.
Another grabbed his wrist and wrenched the chalk from his fingers. He watched it fall. The man crushed it under his boot.
John's heart sunk a little. Was this the end of his endeavors? He'd hoped he would be able to last a bit longer, that he and Gordon would be able to work together to free their people, but perhaps his time was up.
John's heart sunk. Was this the end of his endeavors? He'd hoped to last longer, hoped he and Gordon would work together and free the people, but perhaps his time was up.
The other man searching him found his gun and badge. "He's a cop."
The man searching him found his gun and badge. "He's a cop."
The leader of the group sneered at him. "So you're the one leaving all the bat markings around town. Did you think we wouldn't notice? Did you think he would come back to save you after your corrupt police force hunted him down?"
Their leader sneered at him. "So you're the one leaving all the bat markings around town. Think we wouldn't notice? Think he would come back and save you after your corrupt police force hunted him down?"
John knew he had a reputation as a hothead, but that didn't mean he didn't know the value of silence.
John had a reputation as a hothead, but he also knew the value of silence.
His lack of response angered the man, who quickly shoved him against the wall and began tying his hands together. The zipties he used cut deeply into his wrists.
His lack of response angered the man. He shoved John against the wall and tied his hands together, the zipties cutting deeply into his wrists.
The thugs were none too gentle as they shoved him out onto the street and forced him to march towards the courthouse.
The thugs were rough as they shoved him onto the street and forced him to march towards the courthouse.
| VeIaRrGtOh chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
This was great! Really creative, and yet totally believable. Bravo!
| mudkipz chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
When I read this I was like "F**k yeah". You rock
| silt chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
Interesting and well written. Thanks for sharing!
| The Reserved Reader chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
I was very impressed with the depth of this short story. It fit seamlessly with the universe Nolan has created, and I found myself groaning out of frustration that the scene wasn't included.
"'You remind me of him, you know. Your hero. Determined to a fault. Idealistic. Risktaker. I always enjoy seeing that spirit dwindle out.'" I loved that line. It captured all three characters perfectly, and I enjoyed how even Bane was able to see the similarities.
Thanks so much for writing this!
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
Sorry for all of the typo's in the previous review :)
I don't really pay attention to spelling when I type 0.o Anywho, keep up the great writing! I hope to see more JB fanfics by you soon :)
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
I just wanted to say how much I LOVE your stories/fanfictions.
A lot of fics I come across (especially the John Blake ones) don't really match his personality (compared to the film at least).
You fics not only match Blake's personality, but also the villains! Keep up the great writing!
P.S, I also like that you don't have any Romance or OC's. The romance ones are the same. This (alone with Rookie and your other fics) are the best fics out here (imo).
| From Rue with Love chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
LoveloveLOVE it! :D
| XandyNZ chapter 1 . 8/13/2012
Interesting idea. It was a pity that they didn't meet in the movie. :(
| misty103 chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
| Aisling-Siobhan chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
| Shembre chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
I really liked reading this, and of course we got to see how it all turned out. XD Great read. :)
| Ihni chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
This was lovely, and I loved the fact that he actually drew a white bat on the courthouse.
| franny93 chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
oh that was awesome! :D I really enjoyed reading this, I love your idea of Bane and Blake meeting, I missed such a scene in the movie... any chance for a sequel? xD seriously, that was really good!
| BlueNynaeve chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Whoa! Scary and I can totally picture this from your words.