|Reviews for Petals on a Breeze|
| Phoenix To Flame chapter 1 . 7/25/2012
I saw this at about the same time as I saw your reviews, and since you had such a nice writing style, I though I might as well take a look at your writing.
You have a lovely writing style, that flows for the most part without any odd breaks, however, sometimes you use the wrong words, and the best thing I've found to do if you don't have someone pre-reading for you, is to read it out loud and see if the word you meant was the one you wrote down. I've had to go back and edit several times because I used the wrong word unintentionally, and it's really just something you learn to catch with practice. For example, in this story, you had borough instead of bough, which I think is the word you're going for, because borough is an old english word referring to a town, and nowadays is a branch of authority. While nothing especially bad, it's a good thing to check and make sure that you didn't do.
"And now those same smooth boroughs leaned ever-so-slightly towards his touch, as if sensing the affinity. It was understandable; as the new Sakurazukamoki master," Slightly nitpicky, but the word is Sakurazukamori, and it means Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound. It's very easy to make this mistake in the fandom also, but there is no actual sentient cherry tree and Seishirou merely uses it as an illusion. He's guarding something, but what, no one actually knows. And Subaru wouldn't be the master of it, now Sakurazukamori is his title, and so master isn't needed.
Also Subaru is very polite, and since everyone who you listed in the dead other than his grandmother and Kamui, he wasn't very close to, he'd be more likely to use their last name and an honorific. It's an inlying trait of his that's rather endearing, and many authors and readers prefer to see it. So he'd address Saiki as "Daisuke-kun," and Sorata as "Arisugawa-kun" and Kakyou as "Kuzuki-san" because that's just the kind of person that he is. As for Hinoto, I'm not quite sure what title he would use with her, or even if he ever died, but it would be quite respectful.
Otherwise, it was well characterized for Subaru, had a beautiful writing style and kept me engaged through it all. I liked it quite a lot, and I look forwards to seeing what next you come up with.
Phoenix to Flame.
| Amy Levi chapter 1 . 7/25/2012
"He couldn't change his wish. Nor could he ever accomplish it."
That sentence is so sad! The whole story has a sad and resigned feeling to it. Subaru is so unlucky, it makes me cry.T_T