|Reviews for When a Dream is Done|
| lilly chapter 14 . 2/25
Jesus lord, this is the best pokemon fanfic
Its simply amazing. All the imagery you added, I love it !
| Jemzyboz chapter 14 . 2/24
Seriously... what the hell has happened to Ash? When is he gonna go back to normal and settle down with Misty and have kids? :p Is Pikachu going to retrieve his jacket? Will Misty forgive Ash? Will any of his other friends forgive him?
But on the structure... The emotion is brilliantly conveyed throughout all the chapters. Really enjoying this and looking forward to see another update soon!
| TheNiemand chapter 14 . 2/23
Quentin is NOT CRAP! Never say that again. And the battle was really good but what most attract me to your story is the psychological aspect. Tell me when wrong but I have the feeling that Quentin dont just want to teach Ash a lesson but also want to safe him to become a, for the lack of better words, MONSTER.
He will be alone, abandonment, resign. No friends, no family. He will become a poacher, a hunter, a killer. WHich in end would bring him the disaprovement of society.
Tell me when I interpretate that wrong.
| Organ Man chapter 14 . 2/23
Great chappy...but at what chapter are we gonna get to the comfort part of this Hurt/Comfort fic? Angst is all well and good, but 14 chapters of the same points over and over again is getting tedious.
| Jemzyboz chapter 1 . 2/23
Awwwwwwww! I love this powerful beginning!
| deedee2034 chapter 13 . 12/29/2013
This fanfic blew me away! So much raw emotions place in the characters and battle and I love it! Can't wait for your next update! :)
| MMThunder31 chapter 13 . 10/22/2013
The only problem I've had with the battle between Ash and Quinten is how long it's taking. I mean the battles are great, but this is the like the third or fourth chapter of the battle and there's a least probably another two chapters the way you're writing. My problem is though that is that it goes on and on and on and on. I mean it's getting to the point where the story is going nowhere and while the battle maybe one of the most important parts in the story, but it never ends. I mean after you've written the whole battle I could jump to the end and all I'd probably miss is the fight and Ash getting too wrapped up in the moment, but I could skip it without missing much. I mean a six on six can go two or three chapters to finish, but past that it becomes boring. Granted, this is the part of the review where you think I can go p*ss off because obviously I don't like your story, but I do; it's the length of this one piece that I think is drawn out to far. I mean by the time this battle is done it's going to be around 40,000 to 50,000 words if you go off your words per chapter average right? I don't know, I mean I'm ready for the story to advance and see how things go with Ash. It's just seems like too much of a good thing here; battles are great, but it's like eating party sized thing of candy. By the end of eating the big bag you're sick of it. That's really the only way I can think to put it, but I'm not trying to rude here because before the battle I loved your story and I still do, I just want to see the next thing in the story.
| TheNiemand chapter 13 . 10/22/2013
I kind of lost track of the team stand here. WHo have how many pokemons now?
| Vondrakenhof chapter 13 . 10/21/2013
That was so freaking awesome. Fair play to Sceptile standing up to such abuse from a Pokémon with a serious type advantage over him. Grass, not very effective against bug or steel. That shows power. Looking forward to the next battle. Go Feraligatr! Though this chapter did reinforce my impression that Quentin is not a nice guy. Ash doesn't get it, we know. Nobody tried to explain it to him. Now he's going to bleed to death of a thousand cuts and you're just going to let him by finishing the battle? That's enabling his addiction too.
Also, I apologise for not being one of the entrants in your competition. I can't think of anything except for Ash maybe being the youngest grandmaster ever. So unless there's a term for that, I'm out.
A couple of things I'm going to point out in your author's note at the end: I agree with the scenario's result in the Pokémon anime. Your realistic idea lends itself more to violent M-rated anime than real life. Realistically the blade would probably get lodged halfway through the spine.
Secondly, you're not telling a story that's been done that much. This is the first GOOD fic I've read where Ash gets isolated from his friends and finds out that all his hopes and dreams are hollow and empty.
Keep up the good work! I can't wait to see what happens next!
| Ryuus2 chapter 12 . 7/17/2013
This is a definite change from my usual pokemon story. I normally hate such pointlessly angsty stories, but you somehow pull it off in a way that makes me want to keep reading until you finally get to the end. Maybe it's how you've used the two years away from people to turn Ash into a complete battle maniac (I swear, at this point he's more pokemon than person) or it could be all of the suspense around how Ash will finally make amends with everyone, and who'll hit him the most times (my money's on Dawn for most times, Misty for hardest hit).
Hmm, let's see, 12 chapters, 98,000 words, an estimated goal of 250,000 words. That's roughly 3/5, so multiply 12 by 2.5 for 28. Allow two chapters to compensate for the difference and any extra-long or extra-short chapters, and I'll call the final chapter count at 30. Now to move on to a more important conversation point.
Your battles are some of the best I've ever read. In depth, inspired, and in keeping with the levels of the combatants. And then there's Quentin. I won't lie; If I was a Pokemon fangirl I would be in love with him. As I'm just a meager fanboy, I can say that he's probably the most awesome OC I've ever seen. And that's across the dozens of fandoms I read, not just Pokemon. He ranks up there with Shirou Emiya and Kamina on my list of the most badass characters ever. I find myself liking him a bit more than Ash right now (I just can't bring myself to hate what the kid's become), and I'm really looking forward to him decking Ash to bring him back to his senses at some point. And I mean literally punches him until he snaps back to some semblance of normalcy.
Okay, let's get to the meat of this review: the contest. The question is "What is Ash now?", in the context of his position as Grandmaster. I know it can't be the quite obvious 'too emotionally and socially immature for the position', that'd be too easy (unless that is what you're looking for, in which case you can ignore the next few paragraphs). My best guess is that Ash is a monster.
It's kinda hard for me to explain this. Short answers are my specialty, and when I try to explain them I tend to run off on unrelated tangents...like I'm trying to do right now. Okay, focus: "Ash is a monster." Why? Well, it's really a collection of things put together with the vibe I get from Ash that culminate in this. Once upon a time, ash would travel, train, actually have a life, and would view battles as a fun way to test his and his pokemon's ingenuity and ability. But at some point in Unova he stopped having a life. It was just him, his pokemon, and training. So he started to live vicariously through his pokemon, and what better way than through their most common human interaction? ...and this really feels like I'm trying to explain his issues more than my answer.
Let's give this one more try. Ever since becoming Grandmaster, all Ash has been in that regard is the blood and fire of battle. And when that is all you are, you're not a Master or even just a Champion. All you are is a Monster. And that is my explanation.
A song on my playlist just struck me with a brilliant question. Where the heck are Team Rocket? They might not be much more than a nuisance, but they've been nearly as much a part of his life as Pikachu, Misty, and Brock. They followed him to Unova, and they definitely would have sought him out to try and capture Pikachu...they're kind of addicted to it as much as your Ash is to battling. So what gives?
As for items bonding Dawn to Ash...no, there aren't any. Heck, when it came time for them to part ways after the Lily of the Valley Conference, Piplup was more emotional than everyone else put together! He was looking for them all to say, "No we shouldn't split up!" and "Let's keep traveling together!" And when that didn't happen he ran away in tears. Even after the dozen-ish episodes Dawn was in Unova, Piplup and Oshawott had a more emotional parting, and they spent most of their time fighting over Meloetta!
Keep up the great work!
| Vondrakenhof chapter 11 . 7/2/2013
Hey, I was just rereading this and I realised something. I really dislike this Quentin guy. Ash is not doing so good upstairs right now and he needs advice and a push in the right direction. Nobody explained to him what was expected of a Grandmaster. Quentin should be helping him. Instead he's insulting him and playing mind games during their battle (very unsportsmanlike if you ask me). Nobody's told Ash what his responsibilities are and instead of Quentin giving him a chance to change he's just decided he's unworthy. Hell if Quentin had been at the tournament in the first place maybe he could have explained then. If Ash had won.
I hope Ash does win. He needs the deal with his responsibilities and become worthy, not foist them off onto his predecessor. Hell, if he wants to do a service to the public and guide the future trainers he could tell the world his story and how much he regrets it.
Anyway, just something I had to say. Keep up the good work!
| TheNiemand chapter 12 . 6/24/2013
Please contiunue the fic. it's awesome and how ash get to his sins back or whatever you have asked us readers (Sorry just read the author notes on the last two chapters)
I have to say that I love the older ash storys and I too agree that he should FUCKING AGE.
From you chatakter choices i gues its pokeshipping but i could be totaly wrong. And don't get me wrong but I hope Ash will loose against Quentin, because in this fic he looked liked a bloodthisty fighting junkie and, as the description describet, he became addicted to battle and even cut the last conetion he has to misty as he have trown away the lure and the handkerchief. He need someone who get him straight again and to the right road, even when it have to hurt and at the state ash currently is he is not fit to be a grandmaster.
Thats also confusing, I mean the world is soo big, It should not only give one (grand)master but some severals acroos the world. When you look at it, it gives several material arts masters in one and the same fighting stile, but only one(or a handfull) grandmasters(and thoose also a rare) so thats just something thats confused me.
With the new region Karo appearing, wich is leaned at paris, europ, the pokemon world go farther than the asian part of the world, so that was just a thought of me following this concept.
Waiting for the next chapter and hope for a fast update
| Vondrakenhof chapter 12 . 6/21/2013
This story is awesome! It really is. You are yet another author I am incredibly jealous of because of the way they write Pokémon battles. Though Ash seems to be going insane during this one. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes but nothing too serious. It's a really great fic. I hope Ash makes up with his friends.
Keep up the good work!
P.S. I don't think Ash and Dawn have anything.
| Pokedexter chapter 12 . 6/21/2013
a small glass teddiursa, but was given to him by her as a going away present, Brock got the ursaring.. but that's what i can remember for the most part
btw great chapter and cant wait to see this to the ending
| ShiroyashaKoutan chapter 11 . 4/17/2013
Another gem in the Pokemon haystack. Hope you'll do a better job on this story, if that's even possible. ;)