|Reviews for The Chronicles of the Bracelet Book 1: The Beginning|
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 13 . 11/26/2013
I was like:
"Hang on, It's supposed to be Rabadash who turns into a donkey not Adrian!"
And then, just after I thought, "maybe this was an escape opportunity for him..."
Aslan pointed out that it was!
Good plot twist there.
This was a very fun story.
thank you so much for sharing it.
My family are home schoolers too, although only my oldest daughter is a writer at the moment. My thirteen year old loves to TELL stories though.
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 12 . 11/26/2013
Hang on a minute, they forgot Susan!
I feel like in this story, crossing the great desert is kind of like popping down to the local dairy!
I really enjoyed this chapter. Reconciliations always make me happy.
I also love it that Leicia's faith in Jesus helps her to trust him in Narnia too. That would not be an easy transition to make for most people, but it probably helped tremendously that Aslan introduced himself so clearly to her at the beginning.
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 7 . 11/26/2013
Is it from the Lion King?
I am really liking Adrian. I was going to ask if he was Prince Caspian's Dad, but then I realised that the timing would be WAY out. Besides Caspian's Dad was Caspian the ninth right?
Poor Edmund. I hope this freak snow storm disappears as quickly as it came...
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 5 . 11/26/2013
Okay, I can't believe that Lucy would go all that way to rescue her siblings, and return to Narnia without seeing them. It is a very long way. I am pretty sure it took Shasta and Avaris at least a couple of days and nights or maybe even three... Not to mention the journey from the Pass into Narnia and Cair Paravel.
I love it that Lucy and Leicia are becoming such good friends though, and having cook ups in the Cair Paravel kitchen!
Lucy must feel strange though taking instructions from Aslan via someone else. It was always HER who was most sensitive to him. I would feel a little jealous if I were her...:(
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 4 . 11/24/2013
wow, this is cool!
Were the dark haired girl and boy Susan and Edmund? I wondered how Leicia knew that Ruby was not to come into the city with her, but if Aslan is talking to her in her head that makes sense.
If I am right about Ed and Susan still being in the city though, I find it surprising that Lucy would leave without them...
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 3 . 11/24/2013
I like this story idea. It is a bit sad to see the destruction of Narnia though.
I have a question. Where did Leicia and Joanna live. I am assuming that the bracelet has pulled her into Narnia from our world as there were no humans living in Narnia until the Pevinsies came... at least before the White witch came to her demise, but maybe they are from Archenland and her parents have settled in Narnia during the golden age. This would not explain however why Archenland seems so strange to her.
Another observation in support of the 'out of OUR world' theory is that Joanna and the boys seem to have disappeared. I would think it likely that their disappearance would cause Leicia a bit of confusion and alarm, but she barely seems to have noticed it.
Oh year, and she recognises The Lion of Judah is a name of Jesus. So it MUST be our world.
It would be helpful, in that case, if you would show some shock reaction to the fact that she has just been whisked away from the others, into another world. Leicia seems a very resilient girl. I like the shock she feels at killing the guards though, that was good.
Hey on another note, Did you know we have a Christian Author's forum on this site? We would love to have you pop over to it and introduce yourself. You will find a link to it on my profile page. Ariel is already one of us and lots other lovely people.
| Jenny and Jesse chapter 13 . 10/31/2012
I liked the part where Adrian turned into a donkey! You still need to put me in it. I am still stuck with the boys in our world. Keep up the good work, though. Jesse Rose
Can't wait for book 2. Jenny
| Jenny chapter 11 . 10/25/2012
Great Morgan! Lucy using all three of Peter's names sounds a bit familiar. Seems like I have heard another girl do that when she gets riled up by a certain cousin. Keep up the creative work.
| Jenny chapter 9 . 10/8/2012
Love it Morgan. I think you have a gift for writing. Keep it up. See you on Thursday, if not sooner.
| Susan P chapter 7 . 9/1/2012
| Susan P chapter 5 . 8/10/2012
When is everyone else going to come into the scene?
| Ariyah chapter 5 . 8/8/2012
Please do not take offense at any of my comments below. I'm not trying to be harsh or mean. Please feel free to PM any questions or comments.
I like her dependence on Aslan very much, but I'm afraid you've given us no explanation for /why/ she's so ready to listen to Him and do exactly as He says. Her boldness is... maybe too bold for a thirteen-year-old (she /is/ talking to powerful kings and traveling with strangers in a world she's unfamiliar with). I'm also thinking that the fact that she shows no emotion but "did I do that?" whenever she kills with the bracelet... it's unnerving to say the least. Now, I realize that it's very possible that Aslan has simply provided her with nerves of steel and a desensitized mind for this mission, but I'm also thinking that it's rather unlikely. You've also given us no explanation for how she knows how to ride so well and shoot so perfectly.
As for the bracelet, I don't know if you intend on stating later /why/ it's the key to saving Narnia, but at the moment, I'm kind of left with a feeling of "huh?".
Now as for your writing, you've got good spelling and good grammar for the most part. However, there were a couple places in which you switched from past tense to present tense and back to past tense; and a couple places in which you "involve" the reader, such as when we "meet" her again at the gates of Tashbaan or when you tell us to "look over her shoulder" and see the boy.
While there's nothing wrong with a fast pace, I feel that this is going a bit /too/ fast. I know you're developing the plot and, I should hope, the character, but I should be more sympathetic with this character than I am right now. The reason why I'm not is because I don't know much about her. I don't have much to go on to decide whether or not I even like her. I highly suggest letting your readers get to know her better really soon.
Again, I'm not trying to be harsh or seem like a flamer. Please PM if you have questions, comments, or concerns.
| Moonlight Willows chapter 3 . 7/27/2012
This is really good and much easier to read. Please update soon :)
| lauraosnes chapter 2 . 7/26/2012
This story is pretty good! Upload soon! PLEASE!
| Moonlight Willows chapter 2 . 7/25/2012
This is a very interesting start and plot.
Now I notice you realize your chapters aren't longer, what will make them longer is you need to separate your characters dialog and action. With your paragraphs bunched up like this a reader will lose their way or not read your story.
Look at one of my stories as an example on how to separate your paragraphs.
Best of luck and i will be following this one.