|Reviews for Motocross|
| Ultimate Thorny Rose chapter 15 . 10/30/2013
Please update soon!
| Arcanalia6-66 chapter 15 . 7/1/2013
Muy bueno! Update cause this rocks!
| Cristen chapter 15 . 7/1/2013
Hey I love the story so much. Ur doing a great job. Y don't u do Sudge next chptr and then Nam the next and then Liggy
| Serenaisbestezrq387 chapter 15 . 6/29/2013
That's a sad story about his mom.
But I'm glad Lupo is okay!
| MPHknows chapter 15 . 6/29/2013
Lupo likes to show off her man. And has she had blood donated yet? Cause if she lost that much... She could still be on the verge, just being all Lupo-heart-in-hand and still moving just enough to make everyone happy.
| CakeIsAGoodFriend chapter 15 . 6/29/2013
I want Sudge... or Nam... You know, both sound really weird. O_o
| Arcanalia6-66 chapter 14 . 6/26/2013
This rox! With an 'x'! That's gotta mean somethin! Update!
| puckabrina-FAXfan chapter 14 . 6/25/2013
| Ultimate Thorny Rose chapter 14 . 6/25/2013
I'm really liking this story! Please update soon!
| desperatelyobvious chapter 14 . 6/23/2013
While I like the originality and idea of the whole motocross concept, I can't help but feel like it's all very unrealistic. :\
Then again, maybe you're not going for realistic. I wouldn't know. But we're already at the 14th chapter and I feel as though the characters are not even fully developed yet.
Fang - It's unfathomable how he's able to forgive Iggy for all that he's done. I guess I do understand your point when you mean that they're practically brothers, but Iggy had taken advantage of Sam's little sister, used his ex-girlfriend as a rebound, objectifying woman in general, has been going behind their backs with motocross races, cheated his way through a competition by crashing into them during the race - which might've possibly killed them all, had no qualms trying to kill and rape Max - he'd done all these things, and they all so easily forgave him after he woke up from his coma as if everything was fine. The only time I ever really saw him show 'true' emotions was when Fang was close to killing Iggy for making out with his sister, but even them he didn't even chastise Maya afterwards.
Sam - I like that he's the good guy in this story. But like I'd mentioned above, he forgave too easily. I mean, I can't imagine if I had a little sister who had slept with my best friend. Just EW.
Dylan - Although I can't really get much from him, I think that's the problem. I mean, I know that he's a huge cheat when it comes to races, and that he's a decent guy once you get to know him; but other than that, he's quite a boring character.
Iggy - Hoooo my goodness. He is all sorts of wrong. Well, except for this chapter and those few moments when he knows how much of an ass he's being. I know how he'd explained how he just wanted to be loved, which was why he ended up being such a 'player', but he's extremely stupid if he thinks he's going to get love by sleeping with his best friend's sister - BOTH of them, and making out with his best friend's ex. I was getting frustrated as a reader about how blaise he was being. His character's an extreme turn-off, and I can't believe how he can act so casual with Fang, Sam and Dylan after everything he's done them without so much as an apology. In fact, I can't believe he can stand to be in the same room with Max without feeling dirty and guilty for what he's done. Imagine being in a room with the guy who tried to rape and kill you? HOOOOLY SHIT. I think I'd just cry. And if I were Max I don't think I could accept being Fang's 'girlfriend' if he stayed friends with Iggy. I would make sure that that was a condition if I were to date Fang - for Fang not to be friends with Iggy. And also, doesn't he realize that the girl he loves was the girl who used to trash talk him to the high heavens? Didn't he wonder that this whole thing was probably a set-up?
Gazzy - I guess there's not much to say about him since he's kind of a minor character as well, but I didn't understand if he felt no remorse after Nudge broke up with him.
Nudge - she's quite the idiot. I mean, why did she break up with Sam in the first place if he was so perfect for her all along? I don't understand her logic.
Angel - dating your older brother's best friend? Y? Even if perhaps they didn't sleep together, merely going out on dates is already completely wrong. And I find it a bit unfair that she gets to act like the victim here because although she broke up with him, she should've known what she was getting into since she consented to having sex with him.
Max - She's quite the complex character, but so unreal at the same time. Like I'd already mentioned, if I were her I probably couldn't stand to be in the same room as the guy who tried to kill and rape me; much less try to set her up with my best friend. You've always established her as this free-spirit and quite the flirt, but I feel as if there's nothing else. No depth. Isn't she traumatized from certain things? Doesn't she have any fears? And maybe she doesn't show it, but this whole thing is written as though they don't exist, as if she's perfect.
Lupo - I thought perhaps halfway through her whole scheme, once she realizes how 'in love' she is with Iggy, she'd drop the whole act and admit the truth to Iggy. But no, she relented. And I guess that's why I can't believe she really loves Iggy. If I were her, and I truly loved someone, I would lay my armor down to be with them. And if it was someone as messed up as Iggy, I would take my time to inspire him to become a better person - rather than destroying him like that. Kudos to Lupo though for avenging her best friend.
Maya - I liked her in the beginning - thinking that she would be that understanding little sister who would always help or give advice to Fang. Apparently, she's a crazy bitch. Giving advice about love to your brother one second, snuggling up to his best friend in the next, then having sex in the back of the bleachers with your brother's OTHER best friend after? That's really f*cked up. If I were Fang, I wouldn't want to live with someone that crazy. In fact, she already eavesdropped on the conversation between Iggy and Max, learned that he's practically a murderer and a rapist, and yet she still kissed and had sex with him. WTF?!
Those are all that I can think of off the top of my head.
There are also other minor details, like:
- Didn't anyone think to suspense Sam/Iggy/Dylan for fighting on school grounds?
-Considering what Max went through in her first tournament with the guys, shouldn't she have put racing on pause for a while considering all the health risks?
-Shouldn't Iggy at least have gone to juvie for attempted murder or something?
-If Sam really loved Nudge, and Lupo really loved Iggy, then why were they getting really friendly with one another?
-Why do they seem to have so much time on their hands? I know that all this is probably happening on the weekends, but we very rarely see them at school.
-For the legal races that Lupo does participate in, how the heck does she get away with her 'nitrous system'? I know for a fact that they have to screen the cars prior to the race, and that all the other equipment (tires, gas, etc.) have to be checked by the facilitators as well to even out the playing field.
-Don't Max and Lupo have classes? I know they're excused but they keep extending their stay at town.
-Don't their parents care at all about what's happening to all of them? When Max got into a car accident, when Iggy got into a coma, etc.
-Omg, do they even have parents?
I seriously think you can still do a lot with this storyline; it has a ton of potential, but maybe you should think of getting a beta :) A friend on Fanfiction, someone you trust. hat way they can give their input or opinion on certain things that might be lacking, or certain things you fail to mention (if ever). It would also be good to include more details, like settings or certain details, example: "The stands were completely filled, varying colors occupying the seats as they cheered for their favorite racer. Their shrieks were almost deafening, I could barely hear what Sam was trying to tell me..." Something like that, to make it more colorful. I also noticed some grammatical errors. Although those can be super tricky, it helps to proof-read through your work at least once. I always do that and I spot the most obvious mistakes that way.
I hope you take these suggestions and opinions into consideration. Happy writing! :)
| Skatzaa chapter 14 . 6/21/2013
its me, im just too lazy to log in:p and daww:3
| maxride227 chapter 14 . 6/21/2013
D: so much happening lol
| MPHknows chapter 14 . 6/20/2013
Oh. My. God.
Wow, I actually just realized I'm on the verge of tears. That was intense... And amazing. :D
| Serenaisbestezrq387 chapter 14 . 6/20/2013
I am so glad she is semi okay! At least alive!
| IllegallyBlonde chapter 14 . 6/20/2013
And just when I thought Iggy was going crazy... he gets crazier. But she said I love you! Well, I'm exahusted, so I'm going to sleep. Night!