Reviews for Heart of a Lioness:Through the Eyes of Queen -Book One: Jolina
Warriorcat119 chapter 6 . 7/28/2012
You've done a really good job with this fanfic, I felt sad when the mother died though.

I've enjoyed it so far and i'm excited for the next chapter! D
WolvesHunt101 chapter 6 . 7/28/2012
Hey! You just reviewed my story about Ahadi and Uru, and you asked me to take a read of your story. So far it's really fantastic! You have a a very admirable descriptive style, I always can picture what you're depicting in my head but never overly describe so there's a little left up to the imagination. The parts that are supposed to be scary, or emotional, come off really well- the death of her mother brought a tear to my eye :( You've also made Jolina a likeable character which is a difficult thing to do. As the chapters have gone on your style is becoming more articulate and developed, the only concern there being is to maybe structure it a little better in terms of when a character is speaking, start a new line, I was often getting lost XD. Another thing would be to maybe squash a tad more into each chapter, chapter 3 was a good lenght, because I found just as I was getting sucked in, the chapter came to a abrupt end :) your grammar is excellent as far as I can tell (though I may not be a very good judge, as my beta is always telling me off for my poor attempt at it XD). It's a very enjoyable story, keep going :)
kora22 chapter 6 . 7/28/2012
I think she'll be meeting Mohatu very soon... Can't wait for chapter 7! Great job! :)
kora22 chapter 5 . 7/28/2012
Nice way to show the memories of her mother. Can't wait for more! :D
kora22 chapter 4 . 7/28/2012
Excellent job on this chapter! What will happen next for Jolina? Update Soon! :)
kora22 chapter 3 . 7/28/2012
Good Cliffhager! Rondo got what was coming to him, but Aza is still hurt... Or worse. Update soon! :)
kora22 chapter 2 . 7/28/2012
Great chapter! One suggestion: When you write dialog, separate it with a space, that way it is easier to tell who is speaking, like this:
"Hey Mom, I'm going out to hunt."
"Okay Jolina. Good luck."
Off to read the next chapter! :)
kora22 chapter 1 . 7/27/2012
Great start! :) Looking forward to more. This is a good idea for a series of stories!
323 | « Prev Page 1 .. 12 19 20 21 22