|Reviews for Save Me, Danna|
| KuroKanashimi chapter 1 . 4/17/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/11/2012
So,Dei's a girl here,(yes,lots of ppl put Dei as a cross dresser,makes me laugh and pout somehow)
| A Ravens Dream chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
It started out good, but it progressively got further and further away from what it should have been.
First, please note this is critique.
Second, I'd like to say the idea was great, I like the Fem!Deidara thing going on. :) I also like that she was in a bad position for Sasori to come save her.
Thirdly, details are your friend! :) Make sure to give the reader very good details of everything that happens in the story. They give the reader a better visual of what's happening, how, and where. "Sasori's hard wooden chest". Maybe a bit more background on that part, too.
Fourth, During the end, it slipped away from being "I'm getting raped" to "Oh, I'm so glad Sasori is here, I love my boyfriend!" to "Gawd. Tobi is such an annoying person" to "I love my boyfriend, I'm not traumatized by what just happened, as long as I have Sasori, everything is happy dandy". I really suggest sticking to your main focus of the story, which was the rape scene, which wasn't detailed enough. Deidara wasn't acting like she should have been after the scene, I think. Feel free to disagree, but I think being scared, shaking, crying, traumatized, hurt in some way or form. She seemed to have a flash of being scared, but then went "Oh, I love Sasori :D Never mind the fact I was just raped!" But that's my own opinion.
I liked that Oro was the bad guy (as he always is). I can see him being a creeper. I like foreshadowing in the beginning. I like that Deidara was scared and screaming for Sasori even though Oro said no one was coming. I don't like that Oro was just.. forgotten at the end. Details details. :)
Thanks for posting the story, I hope you don't take this as a bad thing, I just thought some pointers were good. :)