Reviews for The Victor From Twelve
Wonderland-Chic chapter 35 . 11/25/2017
I liked this a lot. Well done.
Guest chapter 35 . 2/1/2016
You can write about how he helped Haymitch win his games. I really like it so far.
ColMikeFuser chapter 35 . 12/7/2014
Wonderful story.

Thanks for writing.
ColMikeFuser chapter 33 . 12/7/2014
Great story. The Capitol imagines itself to be the keeper of Order between the Districts. In their worldview, there cannot be such a thing, as compassion and empathy, between Alder and Emerald. Alder himself cannot explain why he felt sorry for Emerald, in the burning tree, and tried to prevent her fall. But he did feel that urge.

Once it's understood that the Districts are "fighting each other over scraps", as Alma Coin put it, solely because the Capitol used up everything else, it is also understood that the Capitol serves no useful purpose. Empathy will preserve the peace, just fine, no Peacekeepers required, once the Capitol stops wasting what everyone makes and forcing them to stay poor.

The Mockingjay Rebellion worked, when that lesson was understood.
Top marks on an insightful story.
Effmitch Shipper chapter 35 . 6/7/2014
The last sentence-the stay alive thing-seriously made me dance around my bedroom with my sister. I'm not kidding. Yay Haymitch!

And it was so sad when his allies died. All of them were amazing. Personally I liked Terrance. I ship him x Jancith (though I'm not entirely sure how to pronounce her name: Jan-sith? Like that? Oh well, she was awesome too). Terrance reminded me of the character Terrance from the book Juvie Three by Gordan Korman because of the name and the fact that they were both blonde. But this one was a lot more lighthearted. I love Gordan Korman...

Okay, so this was an amazing story. The deaths were sad; not the careers though, with Julius being the exception. He was cheerful. But the outer-district deaths-Leondros, Jancith, Terrance, Violet, the girl andguy from ten, the guy from Five...-they were all pretty sad. But this was a good story. Keep writing and keep up the superb work!

anonymous chapter 35 . 9/16/2013
Awesome epilogue!
guest chapter 35 . 7/16/2013
the end is amazing!
Randomcat1832 chapter 35 . 5/25/2013
Oh my God.
The foreshadowing...for the canon books...I LOVE IT!
K. A. Oceana chapter 1 . 4/5/2013
This chapter was good. You introduced the characters quite well and you gave them each a personality. However, you could have done some more as well. The chapter could have been longer - it felt a bit... rushed. I liked Alder. He seems like a bit of an underdog, the unlikely victor.

"I am Alder Zane. It's my name."

Delete this as we already know that his name is Alder Zane. You could express his shock at being chosen, maybe. But we know that his name was picked, so you don't have to say it again.

"It can't be me. Not when I only have eight slips of paper in the reaping ball."

He's fifteen, right? So if he had no tesserae, he'd have four slips. Considering that he'd have to take tesserae for all of his family - Cedar, Laurel, Graham, Betony, himself and his mother - he'd have a lot more than eight slips. When he was twelve, he'd have one because he had to and then six more for his family, so he'd have seven slips then. Multiply that by four and he'd have twenty-eight slips. Change this line.

"It can't be me. It can't be me."

This seems like a more appropiate line for when his name actually does get picked. He's probably begging not to get chosen at the moment, so just change it so it suits the situation more.

"Usually, it's just Laurel, Cedar and I in the morning, since the rest of my family works in the mines."

Wouldn't Cedar be hunting at that time? In that case, it would be just Laurel and Alder.

"Cedar is the only one of us brave enough to hunt in the forest, on the other side of District 12's electric fence."

I like how you did this. A hunter in the family is always helpful. However, make sure to elaborate more on this. Maybe say what weapon he uses, state some reasons why the rest of them are too afraid, maybe even mention that he's worried about what will happen when Cedar too has to work in the mines.

Overall, it's a good chapter, just keep those pointers in mind. Oh - and while we're at it, remember that there can only be one speaker per paragraph as a general rule. When one character has spoken in a paragraph and another character is about to say something, go onto a new line.

Founder of Pen to Paper
Moderator of Literate Critics and Writers of Dragonia
CelticGames4 chapter 35 . 3/28/2013
CelticGames4 chapter 34 . 3/28/2013
BENJY! *cries* Aw!
CelticGames4 chapter 33 . 3/28/2013
YOU'RE GOING HOME! YAY! *hugs Alder in celebration*
CelticGames4 chapter 32 . 3/28/2013
Aw, Alder! I know, being a Victor is really hard, I would think!
CelticGames4 chapter 30 . 3/28/2013
CelticGames4 chapter 29 . 3/28/2013
AWWWWW! That's depressing! :( Poor guy.
184 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »