Reviews for Claiming Home
samwise1327 chapter 2 . 12/18/2012
haha, good luck to them!
GIR NYAN ALLEN CHAN chapter 2 . 10/20/2012
I love it how Lavi's capable of finding fun in ANYTHING even in un-holy madders! Thumbs up! Update reall soon 'kay?
Shizaki Kuro chapter 2 . 8/20/2012
LOL sounds like fun, cant wait for more!
Please update soon!
99DenmonChick99 chapter 2 . 8/17/2012
lol Lavi's last line was just awesome XD I like it so far! no one has ever made a story like this so congratz on being original :) and I'm anxiously awaiting teh next chappy!
NarupokeeAurorafan chapter 2 . 8/17/2012
Can't wait for next update :) ! This was pretty interesting ;) ! Bye
withoutwingsx chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
Oh! Interesting!
Ern Estine 13624 chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
Poor allen getting good, can't wait for more.;D
allenfan chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
i like it hehe
i'm depressed because i had to do my English essay cuz i suck at English
you saved me ;D
Ern Estine 13624 chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
really good can't wait for more.;D
Guest chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
this is awesome!
pleeease continue... I'll follow this fic!
Rin0rourke chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
I'm definitely wanting to read more, it's a good plot so far, and I'm very much in love with anything that has Alma as Kanda's running mate.

However you have a bad habbit shared with many other writers of giving too much away about a cheracter straight off. It clogs up the sentence and paragraph structure and acts as a bit of a speedbump in reading. there's really no need to tell the reader straight off about Alma and Kanda's tragic past, in fact as far as prologues go they don't even have to reveal being part of the Order or that the Order even exists. Such things could be saved for after you hook a reader, and better yet can be mentioned by one cheracter to another, "we're with the Order." then a description of the order can be made fluidly, seamlessly into the story.

When introducing a character, try not to give too much imediate backstory. It takes away from the first meeting of the reader to the character, and also diminishes the actual background to a throw away factoid most readers won't remember. Saving background for later and devoting more time to it separately gives it more resonance in the story, and frees the character introduction of overcloging letting the reader smoothly meet each new member of the cast with a nod and greeting.