|Reviews for Freedom|
| Parrot Post chapter 1 . 7/28/2013
I kind of expected Danny to die. I couldn't see any motivation for the government to let him go. If they killed Danny then he couldn't go to the press to talk about the experimentation. Maybe you could have Danny thinking his friends made them see reason or Vlad pressured them to free him. What Danny believes is true doesn't have to actually be true. The sentence 'At first, he couldn't believe it, thought it was another part of his training ' is a bit confusing because I thought he was being experimented on not trained. Anyway, it is an interesting idea but it would be better if you tried to mislead the reader by hinting Danny would be freed in a non-homicidal sense.
| writtentempest204 chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
Wow... The best part is that I KNEW it was too good to be true... But you didn't really make a huge deal of the death, it was just so short and THERE... Which I think added to it's power. Not to mention, your motif was freedom, and in the end, he got it...
For some reason, I kind of thought of Portal while reading this...
| Dying Heart Alchemist chapter 1 . 8/12/2012
Wow, although I did expect them to kill him once he said needle-room...But it was a good fic none the less! The sadist in me is pleased...
| sapphireswimming chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
Whoa. That was really good. I was totally not expecting that ending. I mean, you were building up to it- making everything too good to be true for Danny, but it's /Danny/ and I just wanted it all to end up okay for him, especially since everything here had been so terrible.
But that's not what you did. And so it really packed a punch there at the end. Congrats.
Umm... honestly, my biggest comment is that I think it would help if you added in linebreaks between your authors notes and the text. You can do that in the Document Uploader tab... in the row of buttons by the bold and italics and stuff. Because this piece is so emotional that you want to start on a clean slate- have everyone on the same page and know we've started and aren't still on your commentary. And then the same thing again at the end.
But other than that, this is really really good. Not only for a first fanfic ever. It's just good. You have a really original idea. And you wrote the end as a surprise. And it's well written. I think I might have changed up some of the wording a bit in a few places, but the tiny snippets of questions, inserts, and memories worked really really well here.
BRAVO. And I am definitely watching you for more. :D
| Dreams2Paper11 chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
Hmmm...it seems my jaw has hit the floor...along with the rest of my body...
This was incredible! I so did not see that end coming! At first, I was a little confused, because I was like, "what? They're letting him go?" and then I got to the end and I was speechless.
| MissPeculiar chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? It was really well written but now im all sad! :''''(
| Leonardo DiCaprio chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
| graysonizer chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Hi! I'm using my phone to review right now, so it's probably going to be really crappy and give you no advice..sorry. Heh. Okay. Yup.
I loved how you described his thoughts and his emotional situation too - like how you said the muscles he used to smile were becoming underused in the facility.
I also liked your repitition of "finally" - it added a stronger sense of emotion and it made it seem more like Danny was talking to us, instead of his thoughts being inhumanly clear. His thoughts were realistic in that way - they didn't just state everything for us.
One thing that I think you COULD change but really don't have to is the title. I love the title and it plays in very well to the story, but I think that possibly the title "Finally" could work too, because of its repitition in the story. Bu I kind of like Freedom more...I don't think it would make a big difference if you change it or not and I think I'm just being nitpicky here. Sorry!
Also, using caps for the word "finally" in there might want to be changed to italics.
| DianaPhantom chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
If this wasn't so well written I would be knocking on your door with a Fenton Anti-Creep Stick. *Sniffle* Why Danny! *Bawling while hanging on to a super size box of tissues* WHY!
Good job though... It deffinatly wasn't boring;P
| Speedboots chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
...what...? They killed him...? Why! That was so beautifully written, why did you have to end it like that? I'm depressed now! D:
| BlackLight999 chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
...Well. I WASN'T expecting that! But I like it! The ending was actually quite brilliant, as you usually don't think of death as freedom. But sometimes it is, which is very sad... But on a happy note, this was one of the best things to slam forcefully into my brain today! Huzzah!
| x3Phantom3x chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
That was really good. I loved the twist!
| DivineMist chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
Whoa, I really didn't see that coming.
Though this was sad, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The ending was very poignant and brought the whole story together.
Great job :)
| PeacockMermaid chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
That kinda made me sad, but you wrote it so well i'm having mixed feelings.
Great job though :)
| midnight chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
yo you killed danny? why? wat did he do?