Reviews for Haruhi Suzumiya: SOS Brigade's Greastest Actor
Forte De Tu chapter 5 . 8/27/2013
needs work, but unlike the others who have reviewed this I feel that there may be hope for this story...
1. I don't see the sense of this being a bash-fic...
and 2. haruhi and tyler got together a tad too quickly, I would suggest a rewrite and have them gradually get together slowly but surly.

that is all I have to say, I would suggest more but it is your story so you hold responsibility for it.
don't give up just yet cuz giving up would be worse then failing, just step back for a bit, get some inspiration, and take time to rewrite it into the epic you envision it to be...

matthew42 out...
alethiophile chapter 1 . 10/14/2012
Greetings.

I am a member of Durandall's most excellent organization. Should you read further, you may find the name 'English Nazi' to be more informative.

I notice that the URL in his review was lost; therefore, here's an easier-to-reach version: (slash) 8jv9bfo

I thank you for making the time we spent on this project mildly entertaining.
Durandall chapter 1 . 10/14/2012
Hello!

I read your fic a while back, and was really moved by what you wrote. Enough so that I assembled a team of reviewers from an organization that has been idle and unused for nearly 10 years - but your story brought us online and active once more! I have a personal policy of not reviewing on this website anymore, but I have decided that your story warranted an exception from my policy. The others in our organization agreed, and we revitalized an effort that had lain dormant for many a year - just for you, and your story!

Unfortunately, the review is of such length that it simply cannot fit in the reviewspace that this website provides! It is a lengthy analysis, and our hope is that it will provide you with significant insight on writing in your future efforts. Hoping that this URL somehow makes it through this site's filter, here is the URL for the review:

(slash) forum (slash) (slash) topic (comma) 102557.

Naturally, you will need to remove spaces and replace parenthetical statements with the correct punctuation.

That may not get through, so if it doesn't, try googling the Soulriders fanfiction forum. Once there, your review will be listed in the Creative Writing Section, and the Evil Commentary Bureau sub-section. Should you wish to respond to your review, you may reply to me personally, or if you feel like it, you may join our community and comment there!

Ultimately, we are all very hopeful that our feedback reaches you, as you are the recipient of over a week of effort on our parts to identify all of the places and ways your story could be improved.

Regards,
Durandall
Xsen chapter 5 . 10/2/2012
This fic was absolutely awful in nearly everything it tried to be. I feel sorry for the SOS-Brigade, poor kids never thought their characters would be involved in something like this.

The author needs to learn a few things about relationships, friendship, love, also martial arts and so forth... And most importantly to: Never. Write. Again.

I mean seriously, I had a bit of hope that it would turn out like "Spiderses" (one quite famous pony-fic, known for being so bad, that it's actually real good), but no, not a chance. Just plain bad writing, lousy grammar and spelling, awful self-insert and total lack of talent in playing with words.

Sorry for the harsh words, but that's how things are.
Xsen chapter 5 . 10/2/2012
This fic was absolutely awful in nearly everything it tried to be. I feel sorry for the SOS-Brigade, poor kids never thought their characters would be involved in something like this.

The author needs to learn a few things about relationships, friendship, love, also martial arts and so forth... And most importantly: Never. Write. Again.

I mean seriously, I had a bit of hope that it would turn out like "Spiderses" (one quite famous pony-fic, known for being so bad, that it's actually real good), but no, not a chance. Just plain bad writing, lousy grammar and spelling, awful self-insert and total lack of talent in playing with words.

Sorry for the harsh words, but that's how things are.
Anonymous chapter 5 . 9/27/2012
Wow, I wish I hadn't read that far. That's some Kyon-bashing, alright. And your ANC/author avatar hooks up with Haruhi. I'm dying of shock over this fact. Really.

There is not one good thing about this trainwreck of a badfic.

Not one.
Anonymous chapter 1 . 9/27/2012
Technical: You mispelled your title. Your punctuation is poor (where it's not just missing). Your effort suffers constant vacillation between present and past tense. In some places you shift PoV from first-person to third-person.

Presentation: You have no scene dividers. Your scenes lack description and feel bland and uninspired. Your new characters are not introduced in an engaging fashion.

Content: Your new character(s) are stereo-typical Annoying New Characters, showing up to be overpowered and shoved down our throats to try and make them 'likable'; the reaction is very negative. The original characters are poorly characterized, like cardboard cutouts of themselves, behaving character_like_ without being true to themselves. Example, Nagato offering as much and using as many words as she does; Mikuru taking a hard line stance on anything and arguing it; Haruhi throwing away her canon character growth to grope Mikuru in public. Kyon I won't touch, since you plan on making this a huge bashfic for him, and Itsuki was basically regulated to the side-lines, so there's less to comment on there (but it's off that he shows up in school uniform).

Overall: Not good. I suggest taking a step back from writing longer stories and working on vignettes or shorter stories - maybe even just compelling scenes. You need to work on your technical skills quite a bit; your best bet is probably short character scenes to simultaneously hone your technical aspects while also working on other aspects - chief among them, characterization.

I wish you luck, just ... not with this story.