|Reviews for Loss of Faith|
| Shinra chapter 39 . 3/23
I was seriously Sakura in this goddamn chapter ;-; THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS ASTOUNDING BRO
| Shinra chapter 38 . 3/23
Victor reminds me of Mammon in a way actually. At some point in the chapter, I actually found myself thinking it was Mammon who was doing some of the talking xD
| Shinra chapter 37 . 3/23
I haven't been able to read much fanfic at all since I had a lot on my plate for awhile...
This chapter has rendered my poor brain useless and I am now no more than a potato. You killed me, NocturnalHunter
(In the best way possible don't worry)
| Shinoki chapter 40 . 8/7/2016
I look forward to the reboot. :3 This was a great ride so far, but I'd love to see it be even better.
| 4no chapter 34 . 8/7/2016
Argh, this is beautifully dark. (gonna keep reading, but just gonna say, I'd actually rather this story be no pairing... I can't stand Soma, and while I love Alisa, welp, she needs more screen time first.)
| Knowledgeseeker66 chapter 1 . 6/30/2016
Unique would be one word to describe the opening of this story. Throughout the first chapter, you had Lucifer recite prayer which fits the title of your first chapter since she is reciting a prayer while not so pleasant things are occurring both to and by her. I haven’t seen many other fanfiction stories do something like that, so it definitely caught my attention which is something you need to do with a story.
The fact that you have Lucifer reciting prayer adds both depth to her character and irony. The irony is obvious since her name comes from the fallen angel, and she is reciting something you wouldn’t expect a person with that name to say. This is especially ironic considering the fact that Lucifer does consider herself at least somewhat evil as she admits to herself and others in later chapters. This prayer also indicates there is lot more to Lucifer’s character which becomes fairly evident throughout the chapter.
This pilot chapter establishes Lucifer’s character without actually introducing her by name yet. You established that despite the darkness in Lucifer, such as a hint of sadism and her lack of self-worth, she does have redeeming qualities, such as disliking people who kill for money. That quality is consistent with some other things she is disgusted with later in the story. She also isn’t the type to just give away information, and she appears to be capable of withstanding torture. She also is capable of attempting to find a golden opportunity as she does during the interrogation. Good qualities for a strong protagonist to have, so I definitely do want to spend more time with her.
When you made use of narration to describe the situation, it was well done. I had an easy time picture the interrogation and torture that Lucifer was being put through. However, there were a few bits of narration I did have to reread for it to become clearer, such as the shadows, but I’ve had to reread other things before, so this isn’t an isolated thing.
As I’ve mentioned before, the usage of dialogue is confusing at times. There are times when I can’t tell who is talking. While I might be able to figure it out when I reread something, there are times when it is too difficult to tell.
Whenever you write dialogue, rather than only writing the quotes, you should indicate who is talking. For example, you should make it clear whenever Lucifer is speaking, such as saying ‘Lucifer warned.’ Anything like that would make things easier to tell what named character is talking. Even if that person is nameless, you should give a brief description of who it is, such as a short man or a bearded man. That way we can have some picture of who it is. This is be a reoccurring criticism because this does seem to happen at least once a chapter. Ironically, this chapter had fewer issues than others.
For example, you did a perfect example of making it clear in identifying that Lucifer was talking before you actually identified her name with this line.
Then the young woman's lips curled into a gentle smile before she answered, "As is killing. And you still think you will get out of this alive. How do you are better any than me? How fool ..."
In that line, you made it clear who was talking along with providing a little description to paint a picture. Additionally, when you had the person punch her to get her to shut up, you made it clear who that was as well. You should definitely do more of that in the reboot. However, I would have changed that one sentence to being “Do you think you’re better than me?” The original sentence had a grammar issue.
The only exception to that would be the prayer’s you had in bold. It was pretty clear who was speaking in that due to the special attention you gave to it. Additionally, I pictured her either saying it silently to herself or in her head since you did state that she did it without a sound. I liked the fact you had it split throughout the chapter where one line was recited in area and then continued in another area. Despite everything that is going on, Lucifer does not lose her place.
Overall, despite certain issues like that, this pilot chapter convinced me to continue reading this story from beyond that point. I do look forward to the reboot and reading the chapters I haven’t finished yet. As stated before, I hope you add more Alisa and Lucifer ship tease in the reboot.
| GGFBank chapter 40 . 6/25/2016
Good work keep it this long. Thank for the meal
| Zrye13 chapter 40 . 6/20/2016
Great chapter like always, exited to hear about the reboot (hope maybe some alisa x lucifer will be in it heuheuheuheu) lol anyway looking forward to the reboot :D
| GGFBank chapter 39 . 5/24/2016
Took a while but now I read them all up to the latest.
I like how you portrayed Lucifer and keep it ambiguous enough at first to tell that she is still human or not.
Though honestly if I'm anywhere near someone like that IRL I think I will keep a lot of distance lol
| GGFBank chapter 6 . 5/22/2016
I laugh at that last paragraph. At least Kanon won't hesitate to fire lol.
| GGFBank chapter 4 . 5/22/2016
Ahhh. this is good. will took me a while to read them all though.
| idea.getthe chapter 39 . 5/10/2016
oh. you intergrated Resurrection into your story. though i really hope they make god eater 2 and the story move from there.
| FateOblivion chapter 37 . 3/11/2016
Oh yes please. w)~
| sakaewmatsui chapter 37 . 3/10/2016
don't ever release it,please
| Astrid Claire chapter 37 . 3/10/2016
At the midst of that conversation between Soma and Lucifer, their images are starting to blend with Cloud Strife and Lightning Farron from the Final Fantasy Series respectively. With Soma and Cloud both having that solemn brooding demeanors, Lucifer and Lightning making reckless choices yet ultimately powerful impacts over everyone else's lives...
One thing's for sure: I totally ship this pairing! The Death God and the Demon Of Pride...it's a heavenly match made in Hell (or is it a hellish match made in Heaven...?).