|Reviews for The Evil War|
| Jaeto chapter 5 . 7/3/2013
Well now it won't let me post this review on the same chapter, so I found another chapter that's at least sort of related... Here. (By "related" I mean I mentioned Rev once in my review and he's more involved in this chapter than some of the other ones."
Oops, sorry, I forgot to mention some nerdy, geeky things that only I would obsess over:
To answer your question about seasons... due to the tilt of the Earth's axis (and not its actual orbital path, as assumed by some people), when the Northern Hemisphere is in the summer, the Southern Hemisphere is in the winter, and vice versa. This is because sunlight that strikes the Earth at an angle is more "dilute" and thus does less to warm the surface (so the equator has the most direct sunlight and so is the hottest).
About Revontheus: He would either have wings the size of a house or something or be hollow on the inside... otherwise I don't know how he'd fly without having everything fall apart. (OK, yes, obviously humanoids will have a hard time flying at all. :) )
And finally, I actually looked up where the jugular vein is because I didn't know. Looking at the back of someone's neck, the vein seems to be a bit off-center to the left (this would be the internal jugular vein). Mirroring it on the right is a carotid artery or something like that. Just a fun fact that you will probably never need to know, unless you participate in a game show titled something along the lines of "Random Trivia from Crazy People's Minds." ;)
I have been trying to get a life, but apparently Safeway doesn't carry them... :)
| Jaeto chapter 9 . 7/3/2013
Awesome chapter as usual... I stayed up (about midnight now, but that's mostly because I had to finish up some homework D:) to read it, so if I die of sleep deprivation it's your fault... :)
I especially enjoyed Laken's mocking description of Klunk, Dilligaf, and Rev. It makes Nulgath's army seem like some sort of carnivorous buffet or something. ("Meatsack.")
Now I'm wondering why Laken is even bothering to try to protect Green... is it because he doesn't want to lose a good fighter, or is Green (and Kimm and Conn and maybe Kaiban) part of something more important? Because it seems like Laken hates the two of them. But maybe he just scorns everyone.
Also wondering why Laken said something about Dage ignoring the experience Nulgath's army has- perhaps he doubts that he will win? (Which is funny, sort of, because he didn't win...) It seems like he's waiting for the weaker one to be taken care of so he can start plotting his own rise to infamous... ness? Ambitious, if not wise...
OK, I can see that this review doesn't even make sense, probably because my eyes are dying and my brain "went" a while ago... so to sum up, great job and keep writing!
| Schizo Entropy chapter 1 . 7/1/2013
Not bad, not bad at all.
| Jaeto chapter 8 . 6/26/2013
Sorry I'm a few days late... I was playing through Grimskull's little dungeon and didn't realize you'd already written the next chapter. :)
Oooh... I sense tension in Nulgath's army- perhaps Kimm is about to lose her soul... "the part she doesn't need of course," as some would put it. This is getting really interesting!
Oh BTW, who's Greihart? I've never even heard of her, but it seems like she and Rev are boy/girlfriends? But then there are a lot of "Revontheus and Taini" pictures and drawings (from what I can tell, Taini is an elf or half-elf or something with red hair and blue eyes).
Great job picking up the story from where you left off last year!
Eagerly awaiting more,
| Jaeto chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
Sorry I'm a year late... I usually don't read fanfics, but I was pretty bored.
Wow... your writing style is very descriptive. I like it. Sometimes your grammar (parallelism and verb tenses, for the most part) is off but it seems like I'm the only person who actually cares about that. :) The character development was a bit lacking (I understand that some of the mystery is intentional to help build the plot), but since it's a fanfic and most of us know these characters already, maybe it's not necessary to go into too much detail about the "official" chars. I would say that the most important thing to consider would be the way you described some of the characters- my teachers tell me to "show not tell," meaning, don't write a description like it's a grocery list, "He had black hair and golden eyes and two horns on his head. On his chest was a line of tattoos, and he wore... " etc. Instead, try to incorporate the appearance into actions ("His golden eyes sparkled" or "His black hair danced in the breeze" or whatever).
It was nice to read a story that made me think and try to solve a puzzle. Added bonus: I recognized all the settings from my gaming. ;) I also loved how you didn't focus on Dage/Nulgath, as a lot of other fanfics do. It made the story deeper and more exciting than just "He is weak- he is arrogant- we will crush him- he will die." Loved the dialogue- very funny.
By the way, in one of the later chapters you mentioned someone called "Neesha," I think? Someone on Nulgath's side? Was she the girl in the bikini in that cinematic Nulgath made last summer?
Can't wait for more of the story, if you're still working on it! :) Nice to know that I'm not the only one who obsesses, er, is interested in AQW...
Sorry the review was so long...
| iiiits mehD chapter 1 . 8/17/2012
Ayyye, its pertty good! You describe "us'' well.. *w* u should add paulz and everyone else!