|Reviews for spyro and cynders new life|
| peakcluch chapter 23 . 10/15/2013
Breaking Benjamin FTW!
| UNSC Inferno chapter 25 . 4/1/2013
This was good! BTW; what OC were you going to give me for my story, Lost Contact?
| Dragon.Of.Chaos97 chapter 25 . 2/5/2013
A sequel sounds good.
| XxTheSomeonexX chapter 25 . 2/4/2013
Finally, you update. Hasnt it been like four months? Anyway, good story and a nice ending, little random but nice. I still cant even uderstand the first 15 chapters with all the grammar mistakes. I hope you fix that. Anyway again, looking forward to a sequel here, and have a beta this time.
| Dragon.Of.Chaos97 chapter 4 . 12/4/2012
Um sorry but I must tell you that A you need to sort out your grammar and when a different character speaks you need to make a space for example
'"Good morning Cameron." Said Cynder from the couch.
"Mmm." He mumbled. See what I'm getting at? It'll make your fanfiction a whole lot easier to read.
| Dragon.Of.Chaos97 chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
Ah ha ha! So it's mechanical Cameron then. This WILL good.
| XxTheSomeonexX chapter 13 . 10/19/2012
Good ideas, but very hard to read. To make the story much better, follow these steps.
1. Make sure to capitalize and quote in the right places.
2. At the end of a subject or, most of the time, starting dialogue, move to the 2nd line after.
3. Don't use run-on sentences. For instance, this...
Cynder stood up Cameron was bent over holding his stomach wheezing and then fainted collapsing to the ground Cameron yelled Cynder as she ran over Malefor was already at his side he turned his head to hear if Cameron was breathing but couldn't hear anything he isn't breathing yelled Malefor Cynder grabbed Cameron's shoulders and shook him she listened for his breathing but there wasn't any she pressed her muzzle to his and blew air into his lungs she took her head away and listened time seemed to stand still nothing she inhaled and breathed air into his mouth again she took her head away and listened nothing she bowed her head a tear dropped out of her eye and landed on his chest
Cynder stood up. Cameron was bent over holding his stomach wheezing, and then fainted, collapsing on the floor. "Cynder!" Cameron yelled as she ran over to him. Malefor was already at his side, putting his head on his chest to check if he was breathing. After a second couldn't hear anything. "He isn't breathing!" he yelled. Cynder grabbed Cameron's shoulders and shook him harshly. She listened for his breathing, like Malefor had, but there wasn't any. She pressed her muzzle to his and blew, filling his lungs with air. She took her head away and listened. Time seemed to stand still. She inhaled and breathed air into his mouth again. Taking her head away and listening again, she bowed her head. A single tear escaped her eye and landed on his chest.
4. This is only in my optinion, but i'm sure many others agree, DONT USE THE SPYROxEMBER PAIRING! I guess its a little too late to use the last thing, but if you make another story, use this rule.
| Light The Dragon 22 chapter 7 . 9/9/2012
Wow, you've got tons of problems with this story, your not spacing you're paragraphs or sentences which should be fixed by the way, you have tons of spelling mistakes that need to be fixed, your rushing into the next scene way too quickly, explain it a little bit more, and I also noticed that these chapters feel rushed and unplanned, you need to stop doing that. Your chapter doesn't have to be posted up right away, take your time with it, edit it or plan a little more for your chapters, don't rush through it and posted right away, because your chapters like chapter 7, authors and your fans won't understand it, read it and their going to question it with negative feed back, authors not so much they'll help you and give you helpful tips, but for your fans who knows, their like fire and ice. They'll give you good reviews some days or they'll give you bad to negative reviews.
To me though, the whole story just felt rushed and unplanned, the plot was great no doubts about that, but you need to space your paragraphs and sentences, spelling mistakes need to fixed, and your chapters need more detailed and lengthened, which means more words. If it was up to me, I would redo the whole story and fix it up, which is your one choice or you could go looking for a Spyro beta reader, who will help you with your story, help you improve your writing, help you with detailing your story and characters, and help you with fixing and make it look good and ready. This is what I think you should do, but that's my opinion.
The story though, it just felt rushed and unplanned, it gets a 4/10 for me. The plot and characters were good and well done, but it was hard to get into the story when you rushed though everything without explaining anything and it was hard to understand what the characters were saying too, because you were going everywhere with your writing there, that's what got me.
That's all I have to say, it's not a bad review or a negative one, but a helpful one. So don't take it the wrong way, okay? Other then that, later.
| Shadow chapter 6 . 8/29/2012
Please update! and Make those two kiss already!
| Draco chapter 5 . 8/29/2012
Please make this fluffier.
| Guest chapter 6 . 8/29/2012
Awesome Story! Make Cameron and Cynder kiss!
| Neo Dragon X chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
MAKE THEM KISS!
| XxTheSomeonexX chapter 2 . 8/25/2012
good story, its just that your whole story is one sentence. please fix that and keep writing
| UnspokenWhispers chapter 3 . 8/4/2012
Great story please update.
Here, something to make the story better. When you have characters talking, put spaces between it, like this:
"The real reason is because...he...is...the son of Malefor," said Terrador.
"What?!" Cynder asked, nearly falling off her seat.
Note my punctuation and capitalization. Use that and it will make your story better. Also, to keep the sentences like that, don't use spaces, instead, at the end of the the sentence press the enter button twice. Hope that helps.
| Admiralkirk chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
yo dude I really need to tell you as crunstructive criticism, you NED to put speech inside quotation marks or it just looks like one big blurb like this "Were senting to to foster care" said Cyril