|Reviews for Inky Tears|
| DoomsdayBeamXD chapter 1 . 4/16/2014
You sadist, why are you killing my favorite character!? That's MY job XDD
| Another Asian Kid chapter 1 . 4/7/2013
Damn. On the beginning, I laughed at the "Ooh, Yellow!" insert up there, and when it ended, I was depressed. But otherwise, this story is very great. Although I don't know why, the 'He never made it' part made the story more depressing. I just love it when writers use simple sentences after suspenseful events. Like one in my fanfic when Haibara saw someone shot Conan and stated in the end, "Gin". But the last line made me even sadder. Don't complain with my blabbering, 'kay?
And yeah, this is the first story I reviewed. You are just so awesome. And 1412 words? Cool.
But weirdly, I'm more worried about Watson.
| mirajane1984 chapter 1 . 2/4/2013
Your friend is right, this story is damn sad! ):
Yet it is great, I don't like kaito's or hakuba's death, but you hav a great spelling style and the plot is really good! (:
| Daydreamer1412 chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
...I agree with your friend. Because of you, I'm going to gorge on ice cream to compensate for my blubbering. Thank you friend, for both making and breaking my Sunday.
1412 words...I bow down to you, Mitsuara-san. You should have quadruple the amount of reviews for just that, but this was a masterful one-shot you've done here!
Above all else, I adore your writing style. So much description for both dialogue and scene setting, and the characterizations...hell your style reminds me of me (prolly why I adore it .). the fact that you didn't leaving my wanting more (unless, ya know, ya wanna bring back Kaito. That would be sweet.) . You captured Saguru's side of their relationship brilliantly in the first few paragraphs, which we never see, so that was wonderful.
I think the fact that the moment of truth happened so suddenly, so quickly, and yet you was described to the point that everything made sense is what really synched it for me. You imagine the big standoff on the roof with (Snake? Spider? Whatever.) and all this dialogue and tit-for-tat, and long climax, and then you go and break the box like that...Amazing. most of all, this scenarios is most realistic-though I doubt whomever would kill Kid unless they had their full use of him being their expert jewel searcher. Morbid as this sound, but great job knocking him off! Let's do Heiji next!
I'm going to sound like an English teacher for a sec here...Your grammar in itself was very good, but there's just a few things in here that can be improved. First is the difference between hyphens (-) and dashes (-) (or the longer of the two. You can just do two hyphens instead. Can't figure out how to put the fancy long one, dammit.). You used hyphens in the place of dashes here. Hyphens, as you know have to main purposes-to divide words that split at the end of a line, or to to join word parts into a single word (ex-boyfriend, cross-examination, etc).
Dashes, as you used regularly in this one shot are to be used to set off part of a sentence. Unlike parentheses, which tend to minimize, dashes tend to emphasize the set-off text. Shame on me, I sometimes interchange them with commas, which you *can* do, but you have to be careful. Commas are used to set off non–essential text that is closely related to the rest of the sentence, while dashes are used to interrupt the current thought and to emphasize the interrupting text. If that makes any sense...
I know it sounds very nit-picky, but it just will help you make your meaning clear to your readers. So just make a habit of double hitting the hyphen key-I actually did the same thing, and today sometimes get mixed up- but trust me, it will help in the end _.
Kay this is all matter of diction and syntax, which is of opinion, but I just thought I put in my two cents. In some instances, a couple of your sentences were going on for a while. Not grammatical "run ons" but just properly punctuated very, very long sentences. One in which you had a long of hyphen (dash), parenthesis and comma use. And for the casual reader, that's a bit much to process in one sentence-and on occasion you have to reread to make sure you got it right. One thing I like to do is to read it aloud; if I have trouble saying it out loud, then its a bit too wordy.
You changed POV in this from Saguru to Kaito a bit abruptly, though i did notice you put in a slight transition. True, Saguru was kind of knocked out, but in third person you can take the liberty to have the character still be aware of things happening without their exact knowing, , as to opposed to first person, where the fic may have just ended there.
Before you used a page breaker. This is a personal preference, so do whatever you like, but I'd save such lines for larger works when you are switching around POVs a lot, or having a lot of settings. Its just to kind of give the reader an indication that 'This scene is done, and this is the beginning of another.' I think a quick trans. sentence and keep moving. Just so it keeps things on a role.
But honestly, Mitsuara-san, I applaud you. Beautiful work! The only real thing to look our for is hyphen/dash use, and that's it-rest is my rambling (its how I show I care...). May I ask if I can add this to my MK community, Artists on the Other Side? I fully understand if you decline.
Okay, so...this was super long...sorry? .;. If I offended you in any way, I sincerely apologize-I had no intentions of the sort. I'd love to see more from you soon!
Lol (lots of love)
| Abe Lincoln Lover chapter 1 . 8/10/2012
It is raining outside right now. That makes this story all the more depressing. Very good job.