Reviews for gohan the saiyan
Reaver216 chapter 2 . 9/25/2014
This could be so much better
xxxrae97xxx chapter 1 . 6/10/2014
For real dude, you need to say who is saying what, or else it just comes out as a bunch of gibberish, or lack of understanding. You could only do what you did, and not in the amount you did, if there were only 2 people talking, but there was KF, SB, Robin and Batman in the room Gohan. Additionally, you didn't give any particular personality to any character, so they just sound robotic, which also didn't help to discern who was saying what in the "big-ass paragraph".

Hope this helps!
xxxrae97xxx chapter 2 . 6/10/2014
The story is okay, your writing is very shitty. Try to phrase your sentences correctly, and mainly avoid putting big ass paragraphs into a story, since it makes it tedious to read. Also, try making the chapters longer. Its a lot better to have less chapters in more words, than a ton of very small chapters. trust me.
Guest chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
you're all over the fucking place with this shit. you're trying 2 cover a lot of ground a within a shot paragraph, bitch
Guest chapter 1 . 7/23/2013
You should update improve your stories grammer.
Guest chapter 2 . 12/2/2012
Look buddy I'm not gonna lie. This story is great really, really great BUT the way you wrote it is awful, I really hate being harsh but I gotta say you wrote it in one of the most bullshit manners I've ever seen

I mean firstly:

1) I can't tell who's saying what and I have to read it again to understand.


3)Paragraphs are too long. Like all the other reviewers said space them more.

But hey you're not a bad writer you just made a bad choice.

I hope you take this more as a strong suggestion rather than a cruel form of insulting

I'm an beginner at this myself. I'm not saying you are. How would I know. All I'm saying is you have talent and you can do better.

Right now I'm trying to get myself on track and improve my work. I hope you do too.

It's all up to you on how to approach this but at the end of the day all I truly want is for you to do this the way your heart tells you.

If you truly have a passion for writing stories like I do you'll know what I mean.
ZakAttk11 chapter 2 . 10/15/2012
astartes88 chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
Its congested and thrown together. Spread it out and show who is talking and when.
Guest chapter 2 . 8/18/2012
I have no idea who is talking use quotation marks
awsomenessgurl30 chapter 2 . 8/6/2012
No one likes paragraphs. you have to break it up a new paragraph begins when a new person talks or 3-5 sentences have been used. you'd get more readers if you actually wrote the story write i didnt even read most of the first chapter and only came to the second because i thought you might have corrected your mistake but seeing as how you didnt i didnt read this either. so make a story not a paragraph
The Carl chapter 2 . 8/5/2012
Needs to be spaced out more.
Also try to make the story flow better
XYZ chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
If you are serious about this story, you should consider making it longer and re-writing chapter 1 in a correct/good story format. Some authors have beta readers, you should consider getting one. This is a good story anybody would look foward to, if the storyline(which I'm sure you have planned out), grammar, punctuation and format were good.
XYZ chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
This story has good potential, but it can't continue the way it is. The lack of punctuation and incorrect grammar is just aweful.

1)Leave a space after a comma.
2)Only one character can speak per paragraph.
3)There should be inverted commas before and after a character speaks.
4)Use Capital letters for Names and Places.
5)Do Not continue a sentance from one paragraph in another. Finish the sentence in the paragraph in which it was written.
6)Be more descriptive.
Super saiyan cod chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
Waffle192 chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
definetly needs more words. and a bite more descrioption to make the story reach its full otential read other stories and takes tips from them for a etter storie. thou it has potential