Reviews for gohan the saiyan
Guest chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
you're all over the fucking place with this shit. you're trying 2 cover a lot of ground a within a shot paragraph, bitch
Guest chapter 1 . 7/23/2013
You should update improve your stories grammer.
Guest chapter 2 . 12/2/2012
Look buddy I'm not gonna lie. This story is great really, really great BUT the way you wrote it is awful, I really hate being harsh but I gotta say you wrote it in one of the most bullshit manners I've ever seen

I mean firstly:

1) I can't tell who's saying what and I have to read it again to understand.

2)GRAMMAR

3)Paragraphs are too long. Like all the other reviewers said space them more.

But hey you're not a bad writer you just made a bad choice.

I hope you take this more as a strong suggestion rather than a cruel form of insulting

I'm an beginner at this myself. I'm not saying you are. How would I know. All I'm saying is you have talent and you can do better.

Right now I'm trying to get myself on track and improve my work. I hope you do too.

It's all up to you on how to approach this but at the end of the day all I truly want is for you to do this the way your heart tells you.

If you truly have a passion for writing stories like I do you'll know what I mean.
ZakAttk11 chapter 2 . 10/15/2012
grammer...
astartes88 chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
Its congested and thrown together. Spread it out and show who is talking and when.
Guest chapter 2 . 8/18/2012
I have no idea who is talking use quotation marks
awsomenessgurl30 chapter 2 . 8/6/2012
No one likes paragraphs. you have to break it up a new paragraph begins when a new person talks or 3-5 sentences have been used. you'd get more readers if you actually wrote the story write i didnt even read most of the first chapter and only came to the second because i thought you might have corrected your mistake but seeing as how you didnt i didnt read this either. so make a story not a paragraph
The Carl chapter 2 . 8/5/2012
Needs to be spaced out more.
Also try to make the story flow better
XYZ chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
If you are serious about this story, you should consider making it longer and re-writing chapter 1 in a correct/good story format. Some authors have beta readers, you should consider getting one. This is a good story anybody would look foward to, if the storyline(which I'm sure you have planned out), grammar, punctuation and format were good.
XYZ chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
This story has good potential, but it can't continue the way it is. The lack of punctuation and incorrect grammar is just aweful.

1)Leave a space after a comma.
2)Only one character can speak per paragraph.
3)There should be inverted commas before and after a character speaks.
4)Use Capital letters for Names and Places.
5)Do Not continue a sentance from one paragraph in another. Finish the sentence in the paragraph in which it was written.
6)Be more descriptive.
Super saiyan cod chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
Chocolare
Waffle192 chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
definetly needs more words. and a bite more descrioption to make the story reach its full otential read other stories and takes tips from them for a etter storie. thou it has potential