|Reviews for Eyes of Green|
| triple baka chapter 3 . 8/21/2013
Let me say one thing- you are one of the best writers I've ever read (does that make sense?). I've never loved an author as much as I love writing is what inspired me to become a writer and currently to pursue an education in the creative writing field. My dream now started with *you* ms crimso. I totally get the "not feeling good enough" thing. It happens to me every day. I got insulted by my best friend today and he said it was a compliment. I know where you're coming from. But I want you to know no matter what you write I will read it with extreme passion and love!
| Aimii0 chapter 3 . 8/21/2013
Hey, I started watching the anime but could you give me the link to read Dangan Rompa? Thanks :D By the way, your writing isn't crap. Really, you're really good. Some people aren't good with words and through internet is even harder to express feelings, but I honestly do believe that you have some true fans(including me). We believe in you and we'll wait patiently until you can write. :) Love.
| Aimii0 chapter 2 . 8/21/2013
I love how you keep the characters so close to their real self. It makes it really easy to imagine everything. I can't wait for the next update.
| Aimii0 chapter 1 . 8/21/2013
A very good a promising start. :)
| Cherrylin chapter 2 . 9/5/2012
And then the Cherry got time to read this chapter and leave you a review! Once again, I'm in bus and on my phone, and its pure shit when it comes to writing, so apologies for typos or keeping things short.
First things first, some constructive criticisms on quotes from your story;
"However, the oddest thing about her was the two horns that grew from the sides of her heads."
I certainly don't hope she has multiple heads.. moving on.
"She had a… complicated… history with her family and parents and ended up all alone. She had found a place, though, living with her two best friends-. She was extremely clever-. She could easily-. She was also very good at-. She was-"
As you can see, I cut out most of the following words after the start of each sentence, to cut down on review and prove my point easily. It starts with "she" in every sentence if that paragraph. I usually go by the rule that I never start a sentence with the same word I used in the prior one.
"Rika was one of the sweetest girls she knew, despite her history."
I know Keiichi is feminine, buuuut, you should use "he" anyway ;)
"The girl rolled her eyes. "Psh, same thing in my book, and you know, since I am the class president, my book is what counts.""
Epic. Just epic. Just Mion. Awesome.
"Next time, he wouldn't make the same mistake twice!"
Hmm. Needs a fix. Remove "twice", or remove "next time".
And now some general point outs. In the start, it first says Satoko had told them about her traps for Keiichi, but right after, Hanyuu don't know what traps she has in mind.
Late Keiichi is such a classic! Love it!
You should mention a bit more that Keiichi is drenched in cold water. Even if he's used to it, it should affect him. Such as "he shivered as the cold ran down his spine". Just occasionally reminding the reader, 'hey, this dude is drenched'.
You use "cried out" a lot. Find alternatives.
Overall, neat little chapter! It flows well, and you know the characters. I was missing Rena a bit though, it was as if you forgot her a bit and then threw her in randomly. It IS hard to get all the characters out though, they're so many. Gonna be a tad worse if you get Satoshi in eventually.
Keep it up though! Looking forward to see what horrors you're gonna make for those poor, overabused kids!
| Lolcatftw chapter 2 . 8/22/2012
I'm so happy that you started this fic!
You always have the best higurashi fictions, and you writing style is amazing
I'm guessing that demon in the beginning is Mion? (Or plot twist, Shion)
Anyway this story is great already and i am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
| Uryuu-Nipaa chapter 2 . 8/19/2012
ATTENTION! POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR NON-GED READERS!
I'm guessing that the demon from the prologue and opening is Madoka, and she's going to have a more fleshed out history, which is really great.
Sooooo... Sorry that I'm a bit late, but I spent all day today in a car and pretty much all day before that playing Professor Layton and the Last Specter.
I loved the introduction and I think that Rika's thoughts were very realistic. Then, for the rest of the chapter, all the introductions annoyed me a bit again, though I see that it's probably good that it's there. Aside from that, I liked it. I think you capured the fun, peaceful atmosphere really well.
The end of the chapter worries me a bit. I have no idea what's going on, but it sounds threatening. It's really good that you've managed to bring that in at the very beginning of the story, in the slower part.
And for typos, in the notes you wrote bu instead of but, and "...I don't fall for again." should be fall for it again.
On a side note, I just searched for my first GED review to see how long I've been following your stories and I saw that I really sucked at writing reviews then. I remember thinking that my reviews weren't good (I still often think that) but, whoa...
Also, is the beginning okay with spoilers?
| beaniek4 chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
| Michael S. Repton chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
I can't begin to describe how happy this first chapter has made me :) Right from the outset, the characters are alive and vibrant, and the mood of sheer joy pervading the chapter is infectious. Rika's reaction is absolutely right for her character, and Hanyuu having to cheer her up makes it even more heartwarming than if you opened with everyone being cheerful. The introductions to the other characters are great - they are all very much themselves, and their interactions, whenever tragedy is leaving them alone for a while, are charming as always.
And the other reason this is such a pleasure to read is the fluency of the prose - it's well-paced and has just the right amount of description so that we always know what's going on and can easily see it happening. There is, admittedly, still a little repetition, such as the peaceful atmosphere and what it means in the opening paragraph, and Chie-sensei's attitude towards latecomers. But you're getting much better :)
Hmm. I can't think of much more to say as the story is only just starting, not much to speculate about yet (though that meeting in the last scene sounds very ominous). I'm not sure about that opening paragraph. You say the villagers are trying not to think about "the horrible incidents ... at the end of June", and "those horrible days". The ordinary villagers won't know about previous worlds, of course. If this refers to Matsuribayashi, then 19 June isn't really the end of the month; it was all over in one day; and the ordinary villagers wouldn't have known about most of it, unless in your version of events they were informed afterwards. But you may be referring to events after the 19th that are going to be revealed later on.
And one small slip, Rena's birthday is in July, so if we're in September now then she will be 16.
Good luck with everything :) I can't wait for the next chapter, but please don't hurry!
| BalerPaX chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
Nice first chapter! Funny, I didn't expect to see the past as the first chapter but you didn't fail to make it especially confusing. I read GED so long ago that I struggling to match up who is who. I can't wait to see what you have in store.
| Cherrylin chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
Hello hello, Crimso!
Sitting here waiting for my bus.. which means I'm on my phone, and I dislike typing on this thing, so even if I could ramble much, I'll cut it short and go straight to the points..
First, I love your writing style. It has a nice flow to it, and I see confidence in your text; you know what's gonna happen, I'm sure. Though most of your text has variety, I will say this as a critique; you said "moon" too much, especially in the first few paragraphs. I'd advice you to find alternatives or maybe mention it less.
Your story has a good beginning; a hard thing about fanfiction is, that most readers don't give a damn about author's OCs if the original characters aren't involved, so having a prologue not about any of the club, can be a bit of a challenge. Though, it is a challenge you mastered well, as it is very, very interesting prologue. (I know I forgot an "a" in that sentence, but FF spasses on this phone if I try to go back..)
I wish you good luck with the story! I hope I'll get time to follow it to its end.
| G.A.S.A chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Ah, good to see that this was posted. I'm a soft-of fan of your stories, and wasn't around when GED was first written despite having read it all (I still need to finish BFB and WAN, but I'm getting there, soon). So I'm glad I'll be able to follow this rewrite from the beginning to the end.
Also, KeiichixMion is my second favorite Higurashi couple, so this also gives you extra points in my view, hehe.
And Pokémon Conquest is really addicting, right?
| blackthunder whitefire chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Awesome! This is starting out great so far:) I haven't read GED before, but that gives me less to know and more to find out I guess
So... yea, can't wait for more!:)
| beaniek4 chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Great first chapter! I love it. I hope you update soon ;D
| triple baka chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
I'm actually getting very curious about this story! I love your work so much, it was a pleasant suprise seeing your new upload just a few days before my birthday. Best present ever! I got to read more of the amazing crimso's higurashi fanfic! I can't wait to read more and I'm excited to see the new twists and turns!