Reviews for The Deceit of Garos
Guest chapter 25 . 9/24/2013
Honestly the story has a lot of potential. It needs to be proofed properly, it has a lot of grammatical errors still, and I don't know how to point those out in this little box. The amount of description really weighs it down. Hypothetically, if in the story Helen is in her kitchen and she sees a piece of lent on the floor and she bends down to pick it up, if the lent has something to do with the story, then by all means tell me she picked it up, but if it doesn't, then I don't want to know about it, it's just a piece of lent. And honestly I felt like there were a lot of unnecessary pieces of lent talked about and described in the story. Which proves that the basis of the story is good or I would never have stuck it out. Two things that upset me though, first, we should never have had to wait till chapter five to be introduced to Helen and Nikki, and two, we should have heard more about them as a couple. It's like one minute they are just there and the next minute they are together and the next they are married, wham bam thank you mam. Here is where you abilities as a descriptive writer should have come into play. But no, you just skim over it like it is nothing. And maybe to you it really wasn't the heart of the story, but to many of us that read these, it is. So remember your audience. I am not trying to discourage you, the story has a lot of potential, keep working on it.
Kayebashay chapter 5 . 9/22/2013
You're killing me with the amount of description you are giving in this story/novel. I don't need or want to know over half the info that is given. I also can't believe it took till chapter five for Helen and Nikki to finally meet, and even then there is nothing special noticed between them. Except they are both fascinated by the same thing.
Flonounou chapter 25 . 5/29/2013
At the beginning it was hard for me to understand all the story and a little bit strange. But then I was carried away in the quest. Well done.
Guest chapter 25 . 10/2/2012
Hey! This is great! You've done a great job of bringing every creature to life in a way that's believable and entertaining. I enjoyed reading it very much!
Mr.Marr chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
Hi urm, I know this is a bit demanding of me, but there's a bit too much Helen and Nikki stories on this forum and I would prefer to read other stories like femlash / disasters / others because they're not really my favourite characters. This fantasy was ok-ish.