Reviews for More Than Meets The Eye
SpawnOfCthulhu chapter 4 . 9/8/2013
I still don't really agree on all the ways you've taken your character. Especially when you made her blind. If Cobra had screwed up an eye surgery so badly that the patient was blinded they would have just killed her and gotten a new guinea pig, not given her pointed weaponry and let her THROW it. Also, boomerangs are outside toys. I've played with many, those things are outside use only... unless you hate your lamps, windows, and television.

I honestly believe that Shadow Cobra is Mako. If she isn't I truly apologize for most of the bad things I've said about her. So far I've been seeing her under the Hero's Kid light, meaning that mystical powers and special talents are magnified on the Sue Scale several times because their parents are protagonist canon characters. If Shadow Cobra isn't Mako it isn't all that bad (Cobra DOES do genetic experiments), she's a little over the top but not AS badly.

It would actually make an interesting story to have Shadow Cobra as Mako's genetic splice, or something, and helping Snake Eyes and Scarlett find their actual daughter. Well infused with adopted ninja family bonding moments.

You still have the habit of using incorrect homophones, I notice you often used 'witch' where you should have used 'which' and you still do the 'definitely/defiantly' thing. You're also using your 'shrunken' attacks again, but you fixed 'sensei.' Good job.
alonealexabluerose chapter 4 . 9/4/2013
Cool man update soon!
arashikageriverflower chapter 3 . 8/8/2013
This doesn't seem to have much to do with snake eyes and scarlett. Is shadow cobra Mako?
SpawnOfCthulhu chapter 3 . 7/28/2013
There were so many ways you could have taken this story from the first chapter. A time skip to us reading about Snake Eyes and Scarlett's daughter who's been kidnapped, brainwashed, and genetically modified by COBRA and that seems like a dark ninja rip-off of Maximum Ride's Angel was just the wrong way. Mind you, I will read every chapter that you write just for the fact that you're one of the few half decent teenage writers, if not the only one, on this section of the site. Also, I want to see if you can pull this out of the dark hole of Mary Sueish predictability that it's spiraling towards.

Grammatically, you need a little help. You're missing a number of commas and you have a tendancy towards using a word very similar to the word you need but just not quite right (heal when you should have used heel, defiantly when you should have used definitely). Additionally, you spell 'sensei' 'sensie', 'sensie' is wrong and sounds funny when I say it in my head.

Until next chapter, don't give up the war, but please change the battle plans.
alonealexabluerose chapter 3 . 7/28/2013
Cool man update soon!
Lioness Of the fire chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
ooo sounds cool , keep up the work
you gotta be careful though when you speak for Snake eyes it should be "signed" not sinned lol
Guest chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
Good story. Update soon.
alonealexabluerose chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
Cool man update soon!
Guest chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
Really. I liked this story when all we had was one chapter, but now you had to go make the girl all Mary-sue. Wings? Magic powers? Mastering being a ninja after only one year of training? Seriously?

I did enjoy the "shrunken" attacks, though. Might wanna use spellcheck some more there, pal.
TdL chapter 1 . 9/12/2012
LOVE this, Please write more
C.D.S. Zarkana chapter 1 . 8/26/2012
Spell check could be used more, the grammar's on the bad side, and it could flow better, but that's just me being a hopeless grammar nerd.

I LOVE THIS! YOU MUST CONTINUE THIS!

A few things though ...

(1) Snake Eyes has never had a name. If you like it I'll roll with it, but he just strikes me as the kind of character who doesn't need a name. He is just Snake Eyes.

(2) You might want to make them a few years older. If Scarlett's 20 in this fic that would make her 18 when Mako came along, and she probaly would have been even younger when she was married. That, and you still need to factor in the time it would take for her to become an army lieutenant. It just makes sense for her to be older.

(3) Learn how to spell the word signed. There's a G dude, not two N's, a G.

If any of this comes off as flamey, it's not. I really love this story, and I really, really want to know what happens.

I'm sorry for my review being so long, I don't review very often but when I do my reviews are very long. I apologize if this bothers you.

UPDATE SOON!
alonealexabluerose chapter 1 . 8/24/2012
love it man update soon!
TempduMinuit chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
more more more more more mooooooore, this is really good, I've never heard him called morio but I kind of like it, so please continue, I'm not above begging so PLEEASE
Guest chapter 1 . 8/12/2012
oh my goodness! that is a wonderful and very intense story! you have got to keep writing on this!
DreamWeaver2121 chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
This is good! very intersting i can't wait to see where you go with this. One tip though, try and make it flow better and add a little bit more descriptions. Making the sentance longer with a few choice words can make it sound extrememly gripping and having it flow better makes it easier to read.
I really do like this, can't wait for more!
16 | Page 1 2 Next »