|Reviews for Two useless wires|
| Guest chapter 46 . 5/29/2013
Great. CONTINUE THOUGH
| Neville'sEcotopia chapter 24 . 4/19/2013
I don't understand what the hell just happened. So apparently the Capitol had all of the tributes killed then gets suspicious about the past victors somehow having anything to do with it(which doesn't make any sense). Then makes them leave immediately, except instead of making them leave, they just randomly start carving body parts?!
None of this chapter made any sense. I REALLY hope the next one explains it.
| Neville'sEcotopia chapter 12 . 4/19/2013
Ok, so I'm a little confused... they beat up Beetee because he wasn't in a relationship with Wiress? If not that then I hope we find out and hopefully soon because otherwise what's the point in Wiress even finding out the Peacekeepers were attacking him?
| Neville'sEcotopia chapter 10 . 4/19/2013
Ok, the other two district 3 victors seem a bit ...immature... out of curiosity, how old are they? I may have missed it in an earlier chapter.
| Neville'sEcotopia chapter 9 . 4/19/2013
Wiress looks like an "angle"... as in a triangle, square, or hexagon? Oh wait, did you mean she looked heavenly beautiful as if she was an "angel"? A Beta looking over and correcting distracting spelling and grammar errors, it will do this story wonders.
| Neville'sEcotopia chapter 8 . 4/19/2013
While I like the story idea, there are a few things bothering me. 1.) Please spell it as "because" not "coz" or "cuz," it's very off putting 2.) We didn't get to see her smarts in evaluating her opponents throughout training and such. Also we never got to really know who she was up against so it's hard to feel bad about a death of a random character. One way I've seen that goes over victor's hunger games without having us go through the whole game is to just have her have flash backs of when she was in the Arena. 3.) We're already on chapter 8 and we still don't know how he knew who she was before she even introduced herself in the first chapter. 4.)Finally, why didn't any of her family or friends visit her after the reaping?
| BattyCrash chapter 46 . 1/22/2013
You only get better.
Love and hugs,
((PS I'm that cooky little girl from WCRPG))
| Guest chapter 46 . 1/16/2013
Please write more ive read all of them without stopping it is great
| BeckTheProgram chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
hey its roxas from wcrpg love the story update soon
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/31/2012
I liked how it started and all, but 10 what? 10 PM? Or 10 AM? I could only guess AM, but still could have maybe told the reader.
Ah, I see a new mistake here! It should have been 'whisper.' Are you using a laptop may I ask?
Again, mistake with the word 'weird.' I think I should stop pointing these out... but I just can't.
And with the lines, however I'll put this down to having these be old.
She forgot to tell her brother she was working with Beetee? And where are her mother and father in all of this? Are they dead? Or do we meet them later? As having a new job at 17-years-old is something she should have told them or her brother (And here I am as a 30-something-year-old and I still never told my mother or father about writing or my line of work.)
'Starting' is not right in this, however I'll put it down that you're using a laptop? That happens to me as well.
Again, did you mean jaw? As a mouth dropping open sounds messy... ew...
'Just' is not right in the next line as well.
So... how does everyone know she's working with Beetee and yet her brother doesn't? Little weird... but okay.
Beetee just getting her to sit down and everything is a little weird as I'd think he would be nicer. But I guess that sometimes happens.
Wow, I feel like I'm being so hard on these as they're old and I bet your newer ones are much better.
My laptop seems to think that 'soot melting machine' should be 'suit melting machine.' Well I have to say I wouldn't mind melting down my husband's suit. Haha... now you've got me thinking...
It's fine to use chat-speak a little bit. But I wouldn't use it to much 'Pics' should really be 'pictures.' Just pointing that out - (Not sure if this face I'm making here will work)
A few more things here I won't point out, but yes ou've got a few things to work on.
Ohhh! The Hunger Games are starting! Does this mean the Reaping? Will she be picked? Well now I gotta go and read the next part!
| Ladybug chapter 2 . 12/31/2012
Whoa, I only just saw how many chapters you have for this!
Anyway, nice start to chapter two. But again with the lines. But I had a quick look at the newer chapters so I'm guessing I no longer need to tell you about this.
Haha, I love Lily's line. "Did you see that Beetee guy?" Very funny, but a bit dry as well.
'Ya' a very in your face line, I would have put 'Yes' as it seems more like something Beetee and Wiress would say.
Lily's mouth dropped open? You mean her jaw, am I right?
I've come to see that you use '!' a bit to much when it's not needed. But again, this is old, So I'm guessing you don't in the newer ones.
'She' are you meaning Lily? Or Wiress? Just a mistake? I'll take it as that.
'Alot' should have been 'a lot.'
How the hell would that work without the bags melting themselves? It's a bit weird I'm sorry to say.
'Other then' should have been 'other than.'
You missed the word 'them' out in the same line.
'Thet' should have been 'that.'
The word 'little' is not needed in the wording of 'little bit' however it is sweet.
'oil'? Wouldn't they use 'coal'? And you have the same kinda msitake here again, only with 'much better' it should have been 'better.'
Wow, Beetee sure is nice to want to bring that up with someone, isn't he?
The dream come true part is a bit over-used and rushed.
You missed out an 'r' in smarter. And again with the 'a lot' bit. Don't worry, I'll stop bringing it up now.
You didn't write 'Carrying' right, however, even I made that mistake.
She's going to work with Beetee now? Hmm... that's a bit out of the blue.
You've got a few more mistakes, but I won't bring them up as really they seem fine to me.
Off to read number three now! I think I'll be here all night!
| Ladybug chapter 1 . 12/31/2012
Hello Dustpool, I'm Ladybug.
I, for one. Love how it starts! It's not as much detail as I've seen in stories like this before, but still very sweet non-the-less. I love how she knows it's her home, but I find, even if she's not all there in the head, a little weird to say something like that ever morning.
One thing I saw here was you didn't go down a line when you had Cord speak next. Even if you name them on the same line. It's a bit weird to the reader.
'I just walk out the door.' I find that line very in my face as it stopped so soon. But still very good.
'I stop looking over at a small leaf flying in the breeze.' Uh, I'm sorry? Leaves fly now. I believe a betting wording for this would have been. 'I stop, looking over at a leaf falling through the breeze.' but it was still nicely put.
"Come on, lets get to work." It should have been "Come on, let's get to work." Don't worry, easy mistake to make.
'melt some things together' That could have been worded as to what she melts together, but okay.
"Wiress, we're here, you've been looking at a wall for ten minutes..." Funny, but you've got a mistake in there. It should have been. "Wiress, we're here. You've looked at a wall for ten minutes..."
'I liked knowing how tihngs worked and all.' Clear mistake, but kinda easy to make 'I liked knowing how things worked and all.'
'Lucky him.' Ohh! Yes, who is he? Is he unknown, is he Beetee? Or do we never know?
'Out of the blue I felt my eyes go black.' To the reader it would not have been very clear to know that it was soot in her eyes, maybe a better wording could have been. 'Out of the blue, soot covered my eyes and all I could see was blackness.' But whatever works with you.
One girl muttered. I mutter. Try to use other words and not just the same ones, it kinda makes it boring for the reader. A few you could have used would have been 'mumble' 'stutter' and 'whisper.'
'I mutter, I can just see, I walk away from them and outside, the soot filled air makes me cough a little.' Ah... few mistakes here I'm sorry. 'I mutter. I can just see. I walk away from them and outside. The soot filled air makes me cough a little.' And maybe it could have been worded a tiny bit better?
So, she can see now? As you put here, 'looking into the small black dots of his eyes.' Alright, you said she could see a little. But still. And I'm guessing this is Beetee now?
'pushing the napkin onto my face and taking off the soot.' Few mistakes here, I'm sorry. Should have read, 'pushing the napkin gingerly on to my face and taking off the soot.' But it still works well.
'the guy who won the hunger games' the guy? That could have been worded better I say. Maybe using 'man' or 'boy.'
I love your use of 'Oh my wires!' It sounds like something they'd say.
'factory 3' It's sometimes good to use numbers, but in books and stories, it's better to use the word.
In the last few lines you write 'Geting' it should be. 'Getting.'
Oh yes. How does Beetee, know her name? It's a little creepy, but I'll take it.
Very nice work, I'm off to read the next one now!
| Guest chapter 7 . 12/30/2012
OK, she barely met Day and never met Willow, now suddenly she's decided to win FOR them? That really doesn't make any sense. Also, perhaps you could have told the readers that she set a trap, because the beginning of the chapter is rather confusing.
| Guest chapter 6 . 12/30/2012
Not bad- could have gone into more detail.
This is just my opinion, but I don't think you should have skipped right to the games. You had all this time between the train from District Three and the Games to build on the sexual tension and romantic interest between your two characters, which is much easier to do when said characters can actually interact face-to-face and have physical contact, and you just dumped it out the window.
Good romance stories always make my palms ache, but this is on its way to being a bad fan fic.
| Guest chapter 5 . 12/30/2012
Some discription would be nice. What is it about Beetee that makes him so cute?