|Reviews for Trust|
| smuffly chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
What a brilliant idea, and so in character for everyone. I loved it.
| Jade Nolan chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
I absolutely positively LOVED it! Every single aspect of it! I so like how you wrote a story surrounding Ellie and in a situation that is so believable and realistic for her age. And also a scenario with which Mac (as you brought out) could definitely relate to from his own teenage years.
There are SO MANY lines and aspects I wish I could emphasize, but I'd end up quoting about half of the story :D So I'll try to just start at the top and kind of bullet point them.
- The absolute casualness of Mac leaving work at 2am. The way you started it out writing as though he was headed out after a normal day and then when Ellie called him and he asked what she was doing that late...genius way of doing it.
- An overall point but it starts here: you wrote Ellie so well for her age and situation. I could perfectly hear exactly how she sounded with inflections and tone and rhythm and vocabulary. It worked perfectly opposite Mac as the grownup. There was that subtle difference that exists between a fifteen year-old and an adult that can be difficult to achieve without it sounding forced, and nothing about their dialogue came across as artificial.
- And can I just say that I would have *killed* to have had an understanding adult like Mac around when I was growing up?! From his immediate recognition of Ellie being a situation over her head and him going into patient/protective mode, to him hinting at his past to Ellie enough for her to understand that he knew how she felt and that he'd gotten into his share of trouble and recognizing that Ellie realized on her own that she'd messed up and didn't go all criticizing/judgmental on her. Her instinctive (the way she rushed out of the diner to him) and calculated (when she told him why she called him and not anyone else) trust in him is so well related. haha, and her scathing opinion of Danny thinking he's cool when "he's *so* not" made me laugh! I also liked how she would have called Don if she hadn't have been able to get a hold of Mac :)
- And speaking of, I LOVED how you incorporated Mac's escapades of his youth! Ellie stating Jo had "bat hearing" and Mac agreeing based on his own difficulties sneaking out that it was a parent thing was awesome :D I also *really* liked how you had Mac pick up on and empathize with Ellie's sense of lonliness and wish-fulness of belonging. I think his own struggles growing up and really throughout most of his life has made him even more intuitive than his intrinsic ability, and it's why he understands and why kids like the boy in 'Sweet 16' and James (and James' girlfriend as well) in 'Uncertainty Rules' trust him.
- Mac and Jo's interaction was brilliant as well. I can only imagine what Jo must have thought and felt when Mac called her at about 3am with the statement that Ellie had gotten into trouble. Even though I know Jo would have handled the subsequent conversation with her daughter perfectly, I also would *not* have wanted to be in Ellie's place! She probably wasn't exaggerating to Mac when she said she'd be grounded for a month! Haha, and Jo not being surprised by Mac being less than straight laced was great too. She is also an extremely perceptive person, and one of the things I love about her is how she has Mac figured out far better than he thinks.
- I have to say, one of the most touching and sad things was how Mac was surprised first at how Ellie turned to him when she was in trouble and then Jo's hug when she came back. He expects so much out of himself and sells himself so short when in actuality he's one of the most amazing friends one could possibly have.
And finally, on a technical note, I know I really haven't reviewed the actual *writing* aspect of your stories before, but I did want to let you that on that front too, that this is one of your best. Occasionally you tend use the same adjective or word or phrase a few too many times, or a concept gets overstated just a bit (all of which are my bane as well and cause me great editing grief :P ), but this flowed wonderfully and read really naturally and easily from beginning to end. So fantastic job on that side of it as well! :]
| sass box chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
This is great! I really like how it shows Mac's soft side, and especially how he hasn't forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. Great job!
| Dark Wings Of Imagination chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
That was cute.
| UrbanMuse chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
This was just a wonderfully perfect story. Such a simple idea, yet so beautifully written. The characters actions and dialogue are absolutely spot on. I was just having a discussion about how poor Ellie is always away at camp or a sleepover in virtually every story and wouldn't it be nice if for once she got to be the focus. I'm so glad you did it, and did it so well :)