|Reviews for Walking on that Fine Line|
| ybarry chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
Now this deserves a continuation..questions still dance in my head after reading this ..1) does he finally wake up
..2) if so how, does bunny say something, or does some one finally catch the bastards ..?
..3) why ...was he placed in coma,what was the purpose OR the crime they were commiting that placed kotetsu in harms way ...?
..4) and where was brooks when this event occured ...?
| Anon chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
REALLY GOOD CONCEPT! PLEASE CONTINUE!
| Narukashi666 chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
Yeeessss. This is AWESOME. I approve of this piece of gold mightily. Thank you so much for sharing!
| nambnb chapter 1 . 8/8/2012
I must say I was interested in the content at first, but reading it irritated me more than once. I think the prompt is nice, but you don't really handle it well. You said that you wrote that story for a prompt of your own, so I guess you did not think about the reader aside from yourself. You as the prompter know the content of the story, but another reader cannot follow your thoughts on that. And no, it does not help to write the whole prompt at the end of your story (I find it a very bad idea to place any kind of text at the end of a fanfic, aside from an explanation of foreign words for instance), plus it's a crime against style in a fanfic.
To make my point more clear:
Yes, I like your prompt and I would like to read all what you wrote at the end of your fanfiction in a detailed version at the beginning of your fic. Draw the reader into that story where Kotetsu is in his 'ideal family world', let him get suspicious of his environment and the od 'other me' himself. Don't take the best part away from the reader, please.
Aside from the content I cannot see much of Kotetsu's character in this fanfic while he is acting and speaking. It could be anyone aside from Tiger, too. He needs a little more depth (let him act "Kotetsu'ish", like scratching his head, making a weird face, giving a certain stare with his golden/Tiger's eyes; anything that would identify him better for the reader).
I wonder if you feel like rewriting this story. I'd like to read it again then.