|Reviews for The Bulborb Wars|
| Akatsukilove98 chapter 1 . 12/25/2012
I love this! Can't wait for more!
| guy640 chapter 3 . 12/6/2012
This chapter lacked a significant amount of cohesion. The story seemed rushed, and the conflict was resolved far too quickly. A six sentence fight really detracts from the quality of the story. And it wasn't just that one bit of the story, the entirety of the chapter seemed to rush everything along. Again, this has to deal with adding descriptions and expanding ideas. If you could just elaborate and add more events, the story would be great aside from a number of grammatical errors.
| guy640 chapter 2 . 12/6/2012
So I'm going to be reviewing every chapter that I read, because Pikmin is a fandom that seldom gets reviews.
First of all, I noticed that you had at least two shifts in perspective that seemed to be random. It's generally a good idea to keep the perspective the same throughout the story, or at least the chapter. If there needs to be a change in perspective, it should be at least marked by some event or literal marker. Specifically, this was during his conversation with Flame.
On that note, there wasn't a particularly strong vibe that Flame was asking for food, you just sort of said he was. A rule of thumb in writing is "show, don't tell." It would have been better if you had Flame acting more outwardly occupied with the sheargrub Blaze was cooking.
There's also a lot of formatting issues with the text. I'd suggest rereading it inside of the FF document manager and fixing various things such as new lines in the middle of a sentence, and double spacing between paragraphs. To be clear, all paragraphs should be a "cohesive blob" of words. That is, they shouldn't have empty spaces in them, and all paragraphs should be separated by double spaces.
There were also some grammar errors that you could probably fix if you read the story out loud to yourself, or had someone else review it. This would be a compound solution to the above problem.
Lastly, the descriptions, especially concerning the battle sequences, were very lacking. I'd suggest, again, that you read it out loud and add what you feel like you need to the story.
All of that isn't to say the story was bad or that I didn't like it. The premise is exciting and I'll continue reading this story and reviewing.
| DubbleDuelSword chapter 9 . 9/30/2012
Talk about an epic Pikminle for the ages. All of it was amazing! Man I tell ya, this story is nothing but epicness and all that other awesomeness.
| Lichylichy chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
Oh my. This seems interesting. I feel so bad. You have such a good story going so far and only two reviews?
| jeremy1555 chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
so far so good, keep it up