|Reviews for What Begins with an Apple|
| HardcoreHobbit chapter 7 . 12/1/2013
That was a messed up dream sequence.
Just thinking about everything that could have gone wrong... this is gonna take some recovering.
| EagleJarl chapter 33 . 11/9/2013
All that strum and drang and days (weeks?) of unreasonable bitchiness and cursing and not talking to each other...all fixed by one good boink?
I dearly hope the next chapter is going to have them actually talking about the issues between them and getting the whole "two timing with Zoe" thing straightened out. And then I hope Inara is ****seriously**** apologetic. Also, I hope for a pony.
| EagleJarl chapter 31 . 11/9/2013
Personally my plan B would be "hey Simon, keep her sedated for the next few days, kthxbai.". Or use that paralytic that he used on Jayne. Or chain her to a frickin wall. Or just put the witch out a gorram airlock...well, maybe just lock her in the airlock. That could work.
| EagleJarl chapter 28 . 11/9/2013
Poor River. I'm sure she really WANTS to be able to say "Hey guys? You know Saffron, right? Turns out, she's a Trojan Horse here to betray us all to a larger menace. Probably Blue Sun."
But, at least she got the captain pointed in the right direction and investigating the apples.
| EagleJarl chapter 26 . 11/9/2013
YAAAYYY ZOE! If it were not for the fact that you could kill me with your pinky I would so kiss you right now!
| EagleJarl chapter 25 . 11/9/2013
So...she smuggling stuff in her pigu and / or her "golden valley"? That's...kinda twisted.
Glad to see River is still on top of things.
| EagleJarl chapter 22 . 11/9/2013
Yep. Shredded. Really wish that had happened in front of Kaylee though.
If I were in Mal's shoes right now, I would chain Saffron to the wall with a chain that was welded, not locked. When I got where I was going I could cut it off of her but in the meantime it would keep her from causing trouble. Leave it long enough so she can reach the head, bring in her food and a bucket for sponge baths, it would be perfectly humane...and safe.
| EagleJarl chapter 21 . 11/9/2013
I have a feeling Simon is going to shred Saffron in the next chapter. I really wish he'd done it in front of Kaylee, but I'm still looking forward to it with great glee.
| EagleJarl chapter 20 . 11/9/2013
Oh ferchrissake Jayne.
| EagleJarl chapter 17 . 11/9/2013
The part with Kaylee and Simon was sweet and joyful. The part with Mal and the ladies was saddening. I was really hoping Saffron would get put properly in her place by the only person in the boat qualified to know *exactly* what tricks she's using. Sadly, apparently Inara's brain got lobotomized about the time she turned into a shrewish b!tch. Ah well, at least this fight between the two if them will make sense and be in character.
| EagleJarl chapter 16 . 11/9/2013
Well, that wasn't eggzactly what I was eggspecting but I'm glad you didn't chicken out after the first few puns, no matter how fowl they were. Granted I think you were winging it there for a bit, and definitely scratching the bottom of the barrel for poultry puns, but you managed to feather your nest with them just fine. Congratulations on winning your spurs as a punfighter, but be careful - there's still plenty more experienced ones out there. Go comb your hair back, wattle outside, and keep clawing your way up through the ranks.
| EagleJarl chapter 15 . 11/9/2013
Ok that was a lot of fun. Love seeing River mess with Saffron.
To be honest, I totally would not mind if this story could be summed up as "Saffron caused problems, so River killed her. It was the best day ever. The End."
| EagleJarl chapter 14 . 11/9/2013
Re: Saffron. Go Zoe! Shoot her now, shoot her now! Don't wait until you get home. Ro ro raz, kick her gorram azz! Ro ro red, shoot 'er in the head! Yayyyyyy, Zoe! /pompoms
Seriously, why are they carrying her along? Mal was going to space Jayne for betraying his crew and endangering his ship. Saffron did exactly the same and she gets showers and food? Shove her out the airlock and sleep peaceful, Mal! (oh alright, fine. It's not in character for Mal. I can dream though, right? And since apparently acting in character in this story is totally optional (yes, I'm looking at you Inara!) why couldn't Mal make everyone's life easier?)
Speaking of Inara...when the AUTHOR starts asking why a character is out of character, something is seriously wrong. :P Please resolve this plotline soon, because it was getting old last story.
| EagleJarl chapter 13 . 11/9/2013
Ok, seriously 'fiddler, no joke. I am totally fed up with Inara's b*llshit. This jealousy thing is totally out of character for her and makes no damn sense. Please tell me that you provide resolution - or even explanation! - sometime zhēn de hěn kuài'.
| EagleJarl chapter 12 . 11/9/2013
I just realized my last two reviews got cut off. The one for chapter 7 was supposed to end "anvil dropping.". The one for chapter 11 was supposed to end "whatever weird medical thing she has mucking with her brain."
So...Saffron. I always had something of a love / hate with Saffron. On the one hand, she's a strong, effective villainess. On the other hand, she's so bloody one-dimensional. "Oh look, I'm sexy! And psycho! Don't forget the psycho part while I'm being all sexy! Because, ya know, sexy psycho here." I mean, really - those are literally her only two character traits. We know almost nothing about her past, and she doesn't seem to have any cause or goal that she fights for, aside from "money" - and even that isn't it, because when she married the rich guy she still wasn't happy. She's pretty much the only character where I feel that Joss really became overly affectionate with the canine.
Well, here's hoping you can salvage her.