|Reviews for A Darkened World|
| Dark Lord Potter Black chapter 17 . 11/20
| BilliJadeE chapter 17 . 11/17
This story jad me teary eyed. Very well written.
| elisabella442001 chapter 17 . 6/29
Great story ... made me cry a bit good job thi
| Ogrebear chapter 17 . 6/24
I almost didn't read this tale as the description didn't grab at me, but I started it, and then could not finish it. Nice alt world building indeed.
| Guest chapter 17 . 6/3
It was so hard not to cry at the end! If I had been alone I would have, but alas, I was in the car with my mom. Amazing story, as usual!
| slytherinterror chapter 17 . 5/11
Hey Sprinter! This review is for the whole story ok? And to start with let me say I really love the story and its very good!
Now there's a few constructive criticisms below, but below that also a few praises and descriptions of what I ABSOLUTELY LOVED about this story. So if you decide you don't like my criticisms please skip those and read the praises at least! Pleaseee!
In terms of constructive criticism, I will just say that your story started and ended a bit too quickly. In terms of starting, the story relies a LOT on our preconceived notions of what a Rose Weasley would be like, and then later on its actually just a Hermione 2.0 that is presented. No character development at all apart from saying she is just like her mother. The reason why I still love it is that I didn't really mind that Rose was like that and she met my preconceived notions of a Rose who grew up with only Hermione for influence and so I was cool with it, but in terms of improvement this is definitely something you can work on.
Also, Harry, after being alone in the company of Horcruxes for 20 years, and then being perfectly normal and kind and all that really isn't believable at all. He would not just be having bouts of craziness and he really wouldn't become Gollum like, as you seem to have aimed here. If anything he would have become completely possessed by Voldemort due to being in proximity with 2 horcruxes, not to mention his own scar having one. Also, if you disagree with me, just remember that as per the books all three are affected by the presence of the locket alone in much worse ways than you have shown. At the very least you could have given better excuses for the way Harry is, like saying he created a split personality to deal with the Horcrux, or simply kept them under lock and key and not actually wore the locket.
Harry also can't have been as accepting of a total stranger after 2 decades of solitude. If at all something like that were to happen, you should have shown that he'd rescued others previously though they'd died or gotten lost or left him to go back to the outside world or something, which would make him trusting rose so easily more believable. Alternately you could have made Rose a spitting image of Hermione as Harry is done with respect to James. Although that would have been boring. I actually think Rose should have woken up medically treated but kept tied or in a cage or some such, anything but left to wander Harry's tent as she likes. We already know that not every Voldemort sympathiser has the Dark Mark, not to mention that England was completely under Voldemort's control and so anyone found there would be more likely to be a supporter of his rule than someone Harry should heal and befriend.
Now those the 3 main issues I felt were there in the story - Too quick buildup, Harry not mad, Harry to gullible. Now the things I loved!
First: Rose as a character is awesome! I know I said you didn't develop her enough but what IS given is awesome.
Second: THE MINISTRY SCENE! It was awesome! A bit unbelievable but still, you did a good job with explaining away a lot of the things to such a degree that it was digestible, and what a tasty treat it was! I felt Umbitch got of too easy though. She only suffered so little. I think you could have had them stay in the office for a bit with it silenced and all, and then had the 2 escape more clandestinely rather than wands blazing. But still, what you did was also AWESOME!
Third: The Founder's artefacts thing! That makes for such an interesting story line! If only you would develop it as a separate story line, while focussing more on the legend and its uses, even if it would be non war related uses beyond keeping Hogwarts safe.
Fourth: Harry being made Master of Death and rose being Hogwart's Mistress was an awesome twist! I thought you'd leave the Hallows out of it and just make Harry Hogwart's Master.
Fifth! : Harry being made able to influence Dementors and Vampires was also good. Although I must say that while dementors being creatures of death and so under the HALLOWS' control is believable, you should have either left the vampires out of it or made up better reasons for it.
Sixth: How you killed Voldemort! I think this, more than anything else, is sooooo much better and more satisfying than what many others, including Rowling herself, did. It was both satisfying and believable, not to mention very enjoyable. I must say it was one of the best Voldemort death scenes I have read, ever! I don't just mean Harry taking the scythe and taking his soul, I mean the whole buildup and aftermath too.
Seventh: The battle scenes. ESPECIALLY the one from Voldemort's point of view! That was sooo amazingly done! His thoughts on the matter and his power and his despair and everything! It was really good and satisfying. The starting battle with Rose and her 6 team mates was also well written, though no where near the Voldemort one. I just wish you'd done the last battle in as much detail.
Lastly, I must say Padma's character was very well developed. She got a good role and lots of kudos! Wish she'd been shown as someone with more authority though. She was a damn smart Ravenclaw, part of the DA, one of the survivors of the war with Voldemort, survivor of the Hogwarts Battle, a fighter with 2 decades experience under her belt, and a highly motivated person who would've constantly been battling to take revenge. I truly feel she should have been a commander or captain or something. Its hard to imagine someone with her experience and stakes not having risen through the ranks quickly. You haven't even explained it as a bias against her or anything like that which would make it believable.
But as I said, overall I lovedddd this story! And most importantly the Voldemort scenes, all of them! Thanks a lot for this treat! Wish it had been a longer story!
| LoveLifeForever chapter 5 . 4/10
I find the fact that Harry wouldn't be able to "mean it" after twenty years and his various experiences weak at best and a plot device at worst.
| Sober Dogs Bore Me chapter 17 . 4/10
Interesting story. The fighting bit should have been more desperate, and the epilogue is absolute trash, but a decent 16 chapters - once you suspend disbelief about the 20 years he spent alone.
| Thodekke chapter 17 . 12/18/2016
Hey. Just read this based on the recommendation of Philosophize... Very well written, albeit with a few continuity issues early on.
I enjoyed the story. :-)
| vmcclure2 chapter 11 . 11/20/2016
Horcruxes play on whatever character traits the person nearest one already had, so of course the locket & goblet have strengthened his stubbornness, for the longest time that was all he had to survive his "everloving" blood relatives, survive Voldie in each of his incarnations, survive the blasted Hogwarts rumor mill, Umbridge, et al, at the same time it his stubbornness that made him impervious to the impedimenta spell which polyjuice Moody so thoughtfully cast on he & his fellow classmates, because of that stubbornness he resisted where the others acted out rediculous things.
| vmcclure2 chapter 8 . 11/19/2016
One thing I forgot, contrary to what at least 2 movies in the series showed us the magical tent Harry, Hermione, & Ron stayed in on two occasions in the books had THE look of a three bedroom apartment on the inside which included a fully functional bathroom/loo. So, in this story, there shouldn't be any need for anyone to go into the woods or wash in a pond or stream. Unless you want it that way of course.
| vmcclure2 chapter 7 . 11/19/2016
Guess Hermione's guilt over leaving Harry made Ron go off his rocker and act out on his jealousy. Then Hermione's use Psychotherapy made Ron's guilt come out and he didn't like that? Something like that.
| vmcclure2 chapter 2 . 11/19/2016
It makes sense! That the ICW as well as the ministry would blind themselves to what should've been done! But they were expecting The Boy Who Lived to do it all! (Sarcastic Sneer) Never mind doing the jobs that could've made Harry's tasks easier! But Noooo!
| Velial13 chapter 8 . 11/19/2016
I highly doubt, what in a world you portrayed, a pure-blood Yaxley, would listen to a word of half-blood Umbridge.
| Velial13 chapter 7 . 11/19/2016
Why hasn't Harry gotten the incantation for Findfyre , when he was interrogating Death Eater's?