|Reviews for Goodbye|
| Gothic Turtle chapter 1 . 12/15/2012
I'm sorry, I know this going to sound mean but...there is too much going on in this story. First of all Dash is NOT the killing type. Yes he's a bully but he does have certain level of respect for Danny, especially as he looked up to his alter ego for so long before finding out the truth in Phantom Planet, where he actually didn't give away Danny's secret to the men in white. I don't think he would do that and then turn around and start beating him and his friends up - especially to point where one them dies. It's just too out of character for him.
Also, why does Danny, Sam, or Tucker not do anything? Sure, they may be weak without Danny's powers backing the up, but if they saw how badly beaten their friend was getting I can't picture them just standing there letting it happen.
Another thing, who exactly are these oc's? How did Eddie get his ghost powers? Why did he suddenly move to Danny's school? Was this the first time he saw Dash being a bully, or was he too scared to stand up to him before? You haven't really developed his or his friend's characters and backgrounds enough.
Lastly, the last part where Dash becomes paralyzed...no. I'm sorry but that's just too much. It looks as though you had written the entire story but suddenly decided last minute you wanted Dash to suffer some kind of retribution, so just threw in him being crippled at the end. It also doesn't make sense that he killed someone yet didn't have to go to jail - even if he could afford the best lawyers, there would be far too many witnesses and evidence stacked against him.
I don't mean this to be a flame, so please don't take it that way. I think the plot, though having some obvious holes, is very different and original, which isn't something you see a lot of in fanfiction.
| Dying Heart Alchemist chapter 1 . 8/12/2012
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS DASH! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A FUCKING CRIPPLE NOW, YOUR DEAD! (I do not condone violence directed towards cripples...unless it is Dash.)
In other, happier words, Great story! Made me cry...(sniff)...