|Reviews for Why don't you men learn?|
| Afterlife Ayato Naoi chapter 5 . 10/4/2012
Plz Continue! btw, u spelled a word wrong, u put dissapointment, but itz disappointment- thatz my tip- Never-the-less itz a gr8 fic!
| Lord Noon chapter 5 . 10/4/2012
Well, that wasn't how I saw this ending. 0_0
All told, I liked this last chapter. Your writing is steadily improving; I'm getting more of a sense of the feeling in each moment than I had when I last reviewed this one. I think you could do with a few line breaks here and there - in this chapter, hitting 'return' and leaving a blank line before "Meanwhile, with Nina" and then again before "She suddenly hears someone yelling" would make the story a little easier on the eyes, not to mention show a logical start and end point for the three story beats here (1 being Lee vs Christie, 2 being Nina vs Eddy, and 3 being Lee's sacrifice).
I do hope you continue from here - again, you seem to be going for a less-popular story direction, taking the Williams sisters' rivalry to a serious and violent conclusion. Not a lot of people have the guts to try that. Good luck with whatever you choose to do next! :)
| Duchess K chapter 4 . 8/22/2012
hahaha... :D very.. cute. :D
| Lord Noon chapter 3 . 8/20/2012
Okay, I think this story has potential. It's pretty rare to see Lee interacting with the Williams girls this way these days - the pairing seems to have diminished in popularity of late - and forcing him to essentially work for his dates, rather than have Nina just fall head over heels for him immediately, is a good variation on what other authors have done. Not to mention you have a good handle on each character's personality, even the ones that aren't the focus.
That said, there's definite room for improvement. Your chapters are coming out as single, long paragraphs; leaving a blank line after every two or three sentences would make them less cluttered and easy to read. There's quite a lot of missing punctuation - if your computer has a spellchecker, it should be able to point at least some of those out for you. Also, I do think you're rushing through your chapters quite quickly. If you slowed down and tried to describe scenes more in terms of setting, character appearance and behaviour, they'd have more impact.
Please don't take this the wrong way - there's still a lot that's good about your story, and if you don't want to change how you've been writing it, it'll still be good. It could be better, though, and that's what I think we're all shooting for. :)
| Duchess K chapter 3 . 8/20/2012
| Duchess K chapter 2 . 8/18/2012
Nina/Jin ? woow! very nice... continue! :nuu:
| Duchess K chapter 1 . 8/12/2012
very cute :D...