|Reviews for The Four|
| SapphireIce13 chapter 24 . 6/1/2013
I LOVED it! I seriously didn't think that someone could write Ib in such detail, but I was proven wrong, being as on several occasions I imagined the scenes in perfect detail, almost as if watching a movie. And a magnificent one at that. I can't wait to start reading the sequel. Once again, I love the characters, plot, writing, the whole nine yards. It's official, you're in my top five of a hundred favorite authors!
| jj4622 chapter 24 . 5/5/2013
i dont normally have this much to say. so well done. have a cookie.
the positive: you are a gifted writer, and this story is a reflection of that. the plot was good, and all the loose ends got wrapped up at the end. your OCs were both imaginative and likable, with realistic, balenced personalities.
the bad: Now, this bit is a little flamey. who is my favorite ib charecter? who do i feel is misunderstood, and who actually does have a nice, sweet personality? who you portrayed as the mother of all bitches? oh yes, thats right: MARY! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER AND YOU MADE HER A PSHYCO BITCH?! CURSE YOU! WE'S HATES YOU FOREVEEERRRRSSSS! (i dont really hate you, it's just i love mary. also, cookie if you recognise that last bit of rant)
| Hello Angeline chapter 12 . 3/8/2013
TOO MANY CHAPTERS But I like it :3
| Moonlight-Dreaming chapter 23 . 11/4/2012
That was an amazing story! Really great! I'm a little sad that Adrian died, but I get why you did it. I can't wait to see if you make sequel. Well... Have a good vacation.
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 23 . 11/3/2012
| XxAmi.IzunexX chapter 23 . 11/3/2012
Hey, there, I've been following this story for a while and I must say that I am SERIOUSLY impressed. You twisted the plot of the story really well and I like how you've woven a deeper meaning into an already intricate world using your own imagination. I'm sorry I haven't reviewed; but I don't like reviewing half way through a story (usually) because I feel like I can't give a proper response to something that isn't yet finished. Now that it is though, here you are!
Concerning your grammar and spelling, I can say that you don't need to be concerned at all. There are a few typos, here and there, but nothing big that'll wreck the reader's attention from the main storyline. However, for an even cleaner and smoother experience for future readers, you might want to spend just a few minutes combing through the story and looking for those teensie weensy annoying little typos.
The characters. Man oh man, the characters. I have to say my favorite was Adrian, so forgive me when I say I flipped a table when I saw you killed him off. I mean, I know that it was necessary for the character development and such, but still. ADRIAN. Hm. Anyways, on the subject of Adrian, I feel like he needed more of a mentioning in the epilogue since Cassia did have a pretty strong attachment to him and people who have strong attachments aren't likely to just brush said attachment off when said attachment drops dead as a sacrifice. You did write a scene on Cassia mourning for him while talking to Weiss, but I think dragging that part out a bit (adding a few tears, sniffles, sobs) would have strengthened and made the connection more obvious. That's just my opinion, though.
The line with Belle saying that 'My sister died a hundred years ago' while Mary was dying caught me a lot. I think that was kind of a, I dunno, climax of the relationship between the sisters. Mary had gone crazy, but Belle still loved her sister a lot, so much so that Belle kind of seemed in denial. Sort of. Maybe. In my head. And Mary's last words? That was very, very sweet. I liked that a lot. It was kind of like Mary was spared for a second of the insanity that had grasped her very being in her last moments and was able to say sorry in a way to her sister for all the terrible things she'd done.
I liked that part VERY MUCH.
Another thing that I'd like to note is Ib and Garry's placement in this story. I felt like they were kind of set on side, not like other stories where they are still in the dominating spotlight. I'm not sure how I feel about that, because they are some of my favorites (Besides Mary; she's just so misunderstood. Anyone would go crazy after staying in one place, trapped in one place, so long. Or, in your story, having their soul burnt by fire.) but perhaps in this type of situation it was for the best. After all, you did explain through Weiss that Ib and Garry weren't even supposed to be let in this time; they found their own way, and then Weiss said whatever and allowed them entrance. So, uh, yeah.
Last thing on this: y'know your OCs? I just wanted to say I loved them all. I really did. I loved them all. I just don't have the energy right now to give good descriptions on all of them. If you want my opinions on them though, just give me a reply to this and I'll try and provide something for you.
REAL LAST THING. I have to whine about this. I have to. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make sense to whine about this particular thing, but I just have to. Did you have to make Mary the bad guy? I mean come on. We all know she'd be the sweetest thing if we gave her a chance. Maybe sometime, whenever you have time, you could, I dunno, write a one shot that centered around Mary explaining her actions? It's just that... She's such a good character, y'know? Her character is so deep (*cough* insane *cough*) that I think it's not fair when people brush over her. I don't mean you 'brushed over her', in fact, you did quite the contrary. You gave her a background, and you gave her a reason for being insane. But... Could you please do a one shot that put her in a better light sometime? Please? I think you'd do a good job on it, with your writing style being the way it is (The way it's being is a heavy dosage of depth, descriptions, and emotion with good sentence structure. Some people think that the longer the sentence, the better the story, which is wrong unless you're Shakespeare and can pull off that kind of stuff. Some people merely skim the surface of character emotion so that their OCs AND Canon characters appear to only have three emotions: happy, sad and angry. Some people are too smart for their own good and delve into psychology stuff so intense that it makes the reader drown into the amount of depth they've added so that the reader can only make sense of a sentence after reading it intensely twenty thousand times. Some people use light, airy and fluffy, vocabulary with short, quick and straight to the point sentences - something I can never pull off - which is good in daily life stories, and also really effective in action stories too if the person knows how to write it. This type of people could also write something Mary-related, since she's insane and probably can't form proper sentences and stuff and has a really weird mental thought wave length and stuff. Some people...)
Finally, I must comment on how you've changed the Ib: Horror Museum world to your own using.
Brilliance. Absolute brilliance. I loved it. So many people just take what's already there and never TWIST it, but that's not what fan fiction is about. Fan fiction is about taking what's already there and changing it into something new that still echoes of the old. Do you know what I mean? What's the point of rewriting something when it's basically the exact same only in your own words with just the barest of bends? There's no point. That's what many fan fictions are lacking; a point. But of course, there are also many fan fictions (the vast majority, I like to believe) that have points. I'm just saying... You know I don't even know what I'm saying any more and I'm too lazy to reread what I've already written. Next paragraph.
Two more things; one, I think you would be a great contribution to the Corpse Party fan fiction archive. You would be a masterpiece of a contribution. I'm not sure if you know about it, but it's also a video game that's in the horror genre. A forewarning: Corpse Party if very gory and disturbing. VERY. If that bothers you, then never mind. If it doesn't, well we'll be welcoming you with open arms! Secondly, do you watch/read Naruto? I know it's not, you know, the best anime out there (I'm not even going to start on how much episodes they have...) but if you know it you might consider reading some of phoenixyfriend's stories on it. I like her parody kitten fic and Gender Confusion. The kitten fic is Phoenix Corporation Overhaul: Akatsuki Kittens or something. Search her up if you're interested.
Looking forward to more of your stories!
Sending vodka and sunflowers,
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 21 . 10/31/2012
*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*
Excellent job, Fantasy! And Mary sure has a lot of power in that gallery! And Adrain... You died like a true man. :'D Anyway, I too liked this chapter! Mary finally gone, what next? Escaping the gallery at last! Aren't they forgotten in the real world though?
| Guest chapter 21 . 10/31/2012
No... Adrian... ;A; You and Cassia were suppose to get married! :'( is it weird I'm crying? Haha
| RekoFero chapter 20 . 10/26/2012
nooo what will happen next? I'm reeallyy reaally wanting to know it _ update more pleasee! i like it XD
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 20 . 10/14/2012
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 19 . 9/30/2012
A momma doll? 0.o That's twisted, you can't see the gender! xD Well, Mary is a bit more insane and more powerful than I suspected. Yellow paint as blood... What's next, albe to go into the real world? Guesses are guesses and I might not be right. :D Continue on, Fantasy!
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 18 . 9/29/2012
Huh. I see. They're not alone? I wonder who it is... I'm forever alone though... *FOREVER ALONE*
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 17 . 9/29/2012
Wow... The gallery is pretty fucked up! That's a new vision of the gallery for me!
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 16 . 9/27/2012
I'm 14 too by the way. Thunder buddies? xD Well, love the story. Intersting and very intriging. I just put two same words together... Thats fantastic... Continue! xD
| DeluxeMagnum69 chapter 15 . 9/27/2012
Once you're in the gallery, you're forgotten? D'; That's sad... Well, that's a really good twist though, all living with Garry... One big happy family! xD