|Reviews for One Piece: Final Holy War|
| VirajPatel chapter 16 . 10/1/2012
Is Luffy going to be with just one of the ladies or he is he going to end up with like 5 or 6 girlfriends/wives? Would be nice if you pmed me and let me know :) And great update! I'm syched for the Luffy vs Akainu fight :D
| Blank man chapter 15 . 9/26/2012
Great story. Looking forward to what happens next.
| VirajPatel chapter 15 . 9/26/2012
Ooooooh shit is going down! Yes! The suspense is killing me! More! I need more! Update ASAP! !#!#$
| Tensei chapter 14 . 9/24/2012
it's just so amazing, i hope for reading soon the next chapter( soory for my bad english i am french ;) but your story is sooooooooo good,i am waiting the next chapter with hope. Good luck for the soon!
| Nakrin Moroka chapter 15 . 9/25/2012
Akainu! get em luffy
update soon :]
| ACPicaro chapter 14 . 9/23/2012
excelent chaptter men
| Nakrin Moroka chapter 14 . 9/22/2012
good work! and if you want more reviews..um...i guess you could add more romance[idk]
but yeah for romance get some nami and luffy action ...haha
| VirajPatel chapter 14 . 9/22/2012
Damn, can't wait to see what happens next. Kuma vs Luffy fight was awesome :) update soon :D
| alostt5 chapter 12 . 9/13/2012
Whao so shocking that end, I hope to see soon the chapter
| ACPicaro chapter 12 . 9/12/2012
excellent chapter will wait anxiously the next ...
| LadyUzuScarlet chapter 9 . 9/1/2012
This is quite an interesting concept you have here. I remember finding this back when you only had the idea up for people to give their opinion on. I think your story is turning out well :D
When I read that Teach was a Knight of D I literally started saying "Holy shit Luffy's gonna flip one." It's quite interesting that you included Teach on the same side as Luffy, even though Luffy has yet to realize it.
And having Dragon as the villain of the story is an interesting idea, since like you said we don't really know too much about the Revolutionaries.
I do have some other things to say, but I think I've said a lot already. Best wishes to you and I can't wait for the new chapter. :D
| TheHappyCaptain chapter 3 . 8/25/2012
*take a deep breath* Hey man!
For a start thank you for writing an adventurous fics about One Piece, it's a genre of story that's rarely seen nowadays. I kinda like your plot, it's...what's the word...unique, well yeah that's it. But I wanna point out some or even a big loopholes for your story, (sorry I'll be a bit harsh but believe me I intend this to be a constructive criticism)
1. The foundation base of your story is the argument between strawhats right? because after the argument the crews were separated and the story is then rolling. So basically in here I found the arguments are...lame and too forced. I mean Nami and Sanji yelled at Luffy and then he decided to leave the crew, all of his crew, even though there're just Nami and Sanji who yelled at him? and the reason they (Nami and Sanji) are angry towards Luffy just because Luffy's normal attitude (stealing and spilling food). It's not the best reason man.
don't get me wrong, I'd like to stick as canonly as possible when I read and review a One-Piece-universe story.
Let's see how much problems the strawhats crew have been faced? From Nami who pretended to betray Luffy in Arlong's arc, Robin's betrayal on CP9's arc, the 2 whole years of separation and Luffy's selfishness and so much more. Even then those problems cannot even form a crack on the bond the crews had created, so why a simple I-yelled-at-you-because-you-do-something-you-normally-do argument can force Luffy to leave the crew? the strawhats bonds ain't that weak man. The Bonds of the crew are something so essential in One Piece story, so it seemed like you underestimated it.
It's not that strawhats crew cannot be separated, yes they can, but you have to make very logic and an epic reasons and condition where the problem overpowered the problems the strawhats ever faced before. otherwise it will never work man. In my opinion the reason can be one of the strawhat's member dead, from there you can make angsty situation and then the crew started to seperate, that's my opinion I believe you can come up with more logical and more canon reason.
I hope you can fix the arguments soon, because it's your foundation of story, and when it's failed, so does your whole story.
2. You got the characters WRONG, sorry a bit harsh, as I said I like it as canonly as possible, but if you're intentionally make the Stawhats OOC then you can sip this point.
- let's start from Luffy. *ehem* do you think he'll ever get upset over a simple yelling? he's beaten up, yelled, and being told as idiot and useless soo many times by Garp, but does he hate him? No. So Luffy upset over yelling is not his character at all. Luffy is the person who can overcome his deep grieve over his dead brother just because of the thoughts of his nakama! He loves them very much, again in here you underestimated Luffy's devotion towards his nakama.
- Zoro, where the fuck is he? He is there when Nami and Sanji "cornering" Luffy for some irrational reason, but he just shut up, even when he saw Luffy left the crew he's just angry at him? oh my. You got the chapter of Usopp's leaving the crew wrong, this is not similiar at all. in there Usopp cannot accept that they're going to leave Merry behind, and DISRESPECTED Luffy's decision. That's why Zoro's angry at him. In here you seemed like stripped off all of his loyalty to Luffy, he knew that the one who started the whole ruckus are nami and Sanji, but he didn't blame them at all and just blame it all to Luffy he didn't even went after Luffy and knock some senses into his head.
- Nami and Sanji, since when they're ranting to Luffy, whenever they're upset because of their captain, Nami will punch Luffy and Sanji will kick his ass. And even after they make Luffy leave the crew they DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE! wow it's completely out of character. You did underestimate Nami and Sanji here. Nami's crying over Luffy in wheateria, she did say bad things about him there but she certainly won't have it any other way with his captain, she accepted Luffy as his captain deep inside and will never question about Luffy's leadership.
Sanji, he even risked himself to steal recipe in kamabaka island with the consequences of not getting any sleep or he'll be dressed up as a girl. He choose that for Luffy's sake! not for his lovely Robin-chan or Nami-swan.
To make things clear Luffy is adventurous yes, but he's not reckless without reason, and some of the reasons the SH crew got involved in dangerous fight are not because of Luffy.
- In syrup village the newly formed SH fight with Neko pirate because Usopp want to defend his village by himself, so Luffy decided to help him.
- In Arlong arc, Nami ASKED Luffy to help her fight off Arlong.
- In baratie it's because Sanji.
- In Arabasta, the whole SH agreed to help Vivi
- In skypiea they fight because Nami entered the Land of God first.
- In CP9 arc, it's because suddenly Robin betrayed them. And when he shot World's government flag, the whole SH seemed agree with that. And Robin did ask to be saved.
and many more, so yeah he careless in fighting, life as pirate is full of danger, but
accusing him to drag his crew to purposely hurt them? big NO.
So yeah so many OOC-ness here, and I didn't see the role of other crew member here rather that shocked and confused but didn't do anything!
3. I found a loophole here, Luffy is THE foundation of the crew, and some of them joined SH with sole reason of Luffy. If you remember Zoro did say that there's no reason of him being a pirate if Luffy is not the captain, dammit he even thrown away his dream so Luffy can be the Pirate King. Robin joined because of Luffy had saved her. Franky made the ship mainly for LUFFY who want to be the pirate king. Luffy picked up his crew personally. So if Luffy is to leave the SH then automatically the SH will disappear and the crew will go their own way since there is no reason again for them to stay as the SH.
So when you said the SH are still going as pirates without Luffy and Zoro's taking control replacing Luffy, eww that's not gonna happen. where's the character development? where's the plot? you lacked both.
4. Luffy joined the revolutionary army. It's controversial on its own way. Where's his I WANNA BE PIRATE KING resolution? It's absurd, what you should tell your reader why Luffy choose to be the revolutionary army's dog rather than form another pirates crew. and since the reason of him want to be the Pirate King is because he wanna be the Freest person in the world, not bring down the world government, Luffy's still wanna be the pirate king even after Ace dead so he didn't even mention anything that gave a sign of bringing down the world government. So yeah it's absurd for him to join the revolutionary army. even when you said it's because he had arguments with his crew, the arguments is also absurd (like I said the foundation).
So to conclude I suggest you change the arguments from the first chapter because it's very essential, second you recheck the character once again so they'll act less-OOC and annoying, third fix the loopholes.
that's it. Sorry it's too long, but I like to give a deep detailed review, not a "it's good, keep up" one.
Thank you and good luck with your story, and I hope you take my suggestion. :)
| alostt5 chapter 2 . 8/19/2012
wow the drama was intense XD
| OregonDucks chapter 6 . 8/18/2012
Good story so far, I like it better then Shippuden. You should have Luffy find out about Tech and what Dragon did to Ace and Luffy be sort of like Itachi he still whats to protect his old crew from death and stills heats the world government. So he'll work from the inside to protect the innocent from some of Dragon crazy ideas.
| alostt5 chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
history of holy war is very good, I hope to see in the near future