|Reviews for Come On Closer|
| w chapter 3 . 1/30/2013
as you said the real life jackie and kelso got together - but I would be willing to bet he will cheat on her within the first three years of marriage
| JPElles chapter 10 . 12/7/2012
Donna and Eric are a cute couple. But Jackie and Eric I think would have less hurdles to pass through if they could come together, and would compliment each other a little better. You need to write what makes sense to you. But at the same time don't try to please everyone or you'll please no one as they say. Donna has more than proven she deserves her red hair for example. lol. The girl makes some very rash decisions in the spur of the moment.
But really the only beef i've ever had with Donna is that she doesn't help Eric out a lot with his confidence. Which really is his only huge issue/hangup. Due of course to his father mostly. And of course his sister.
Curious how you wrap this up. Keep up the writing.
| Guest chapter 10 . 11/26/2012
| Guest chapter 7 . 11/25/2012
it was well written - and im not a donna fan
| Guest chapter 4 . 11/24/2012
love your writing
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/24/2012
always been a j/e supporter
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/24/2012
| Guest chapter 10 . 11/22/2012
I am sorry I did not take the time to write a review to every chapter you wrote, but I was too caught up into the whole fic to stop, and for that I do apologize, so I will try and do a full review here
I have to admit I like Donna and Eric together, not really a fan of the Jackie and Hyde, but I love the way you wrote both the Jackie character and Eric one, they both displayed depth and love for each other, that I do believe they deserve to be together. I was impressed how vulnerable and yet how strong Jackie came out, she had the maturity to know that Eric might never be hers, yet her heart demanded she still try, and it really came out where she tried to convince Eric (and herself) that Donna would always love him, and he would always love her, and how much it hurt her to say it. We did not get as much a glimpse into Eric, but it was enough to know he was thinking more about Jackie than Donna, so it really was a surprise he did end up going after Donna.
I know in either the first or second chapter you wrote that you enjoyed the beach scene of both them running towards each other, and wanted to recreate it, but it felt broken, here he is being confused and (at least) in the middle of a crush on Jackie yet he runs into Donna’s arms with cries of love, I could see if it was Kelso, but the Eric you wrote seems more deeper than that. In the show he impulsively took off after Donna almost right away, but I think even In the show, if he had sat around thinking about everything first I am not sure if he would have chased after her, and you had him sitting around confused about his feelings about both Donna and Jackie for I think 2 weeks? Not sure of the timeline, though I do plan to reread your fic soon, so will probably work it out then. Either way, I have doubts that he would have chased after her.
The Hyde part also seemed a bit forced also, but then again it does not really contribute or take away from the story so far.
If I had to make a critique I would have suggested that you continue the story you had with Eric and Jackie, as you have a lot to cover with just them. Jackie insecurities in regards to Donna being Eric’s first love and will she always have to compete against Donna for his affections, Eric issues with dating Jackie and yet Kelso being like a brother to him, Eric’s parents in regard to him being with Jackie, her parents feeling Eric is not good enough for her, there whole hate/love relationship to work out, her trust issues, his trust issues, then when they do get together how will they be perceived in the gang?
Still this is your fic, and I have enjoyed it so far, so thank you for taking the time and effort to writing it.
| spoilerlover chapter 10 . 11/14/2012
I'm a J/H fan but I really like J/E, too... Both of them suffered heartbreak... Eric, when Donna left with Kelso to California and Jackie, when Kelso and Hyde cheated on her and when Hyde married Sam...
I really like this... I've been looking for a great J/E story...
Yay! It's going to be J/E! Can't wait for them to go back to Point Place... Does Hyde have feelings for Jackie?
By the way, maybe you could write another J/E multi-chap story that happens after season 8... And you know, Donna and Hyde both do their best to get Eric and Jackie back... Just a suggestion... :)
| nannygirl chapter 10 . 10/1/2012
Really great work on this chapter!
I very much enjoyed the opening part with Jackie alone with her thoughts. You once again did a good job at getting into her head, keeping her in character, while sharing some of her thoughts and feelings on the things happening and the things that had happened with her and Eric. Adding Hyde into the scene was a brilliant idea! I really loved him coming to talk to her and make sure she was okay, even staying a little and insisting on taking her home. It was like he knew what she was going through-which very much could have been true with the whole Donna things years before. You wrote that scene so very well keeping both character in character, Hyde with his Zen and Jackie with her questions. It was some great and cute interaction, I started hoping that the this story would have a JH ending now! Lol
Then the scene with Donna and Eric was very sweet. I’m glad that they were able to make up and again you wrote that scene with each of them staying very true to their characters. It was a very lovely reunion.
I’m very interested to see how this story will end and with what couples. I myself can’t decide who I want to end up with who. I thought I knew before but after this chapter I’m not so sure. It’ll be interesting to see which way you take this story!
Nice job once more! I’m finally up to date! Looking forward to the next chapter! Till then keep up the good work!
| BullC6 chapter 7 . 9/30/2012
This chapter was like a beautiful movie... I hoped they would act on the kiss.
| BullC6 chapter 6 . 9/30/2012
Hooo, there was some serious tension at the end.
| BullC6 chapter 5 . 9/30/2012
I want... Jackie and Eric. We know Donna and Eric end up together in the show.
| BullC6 chapter 2 . 9/30/2012
That was the best Sexual scene where there wasn't any sex, the kissing scene was arguably the best one I have read so far. Great chapter btw, hope you get rid of the previously mentioned anomalies.
| BullC6 chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
Hi! this was actually a very good premise. I enjoyed the writing and of course the characters were, well in character.
The thing that chafed me the most, no offence, was your punctuation style. These three points should break it down for you.
1. Now I am not trying to be mean or anything, but you got to stop putting long pauses (...) in every single line, it breaks the flow and becomes distracting by overuse.
2. Also the pause is three dots only like this...not four dots or five dots with spaces on both sides; only on the right side of it if you feel it to be completely necessary.
Now I grilled you about those above mention points because I used to do the same thing, then one day I looked back and realized what a dope head I had been.
3. The dialogue is always, and I mean ALWAYS in double quotation marks, not in single quotation. those are used for thoughts or for emphasis on something WITHIN the double quotation.
4. Don't put space before a comma.
5. Try to make the dialogues in a single flow; don't break them down and continue with them on the next line, it feels like you have started another paragraph.
If you have already addressed these issues then big props for you, if not then take these points seriously in your future updates. Because as I said, I love the writing and would like to read more without untidiness and non-cohesiveness getting in the way of a potentially good story because these things put off the reader.