|Reviews for Drawing Light|
| StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
. For participation in the 2013 Reviewathon, big apologies for the lateness .
The short summary is very effective, since it doesn't beat around the bush about whatever's taken the character, and the dramatic and succinct 'It finally had him' is frightening. I like the calm, peaceful and somewhat-lobely setting of the withered oak tree as well, since the person that comes along, in my initial interpretation, comes to me as the type to break the narrator's loneliness. I like the way that his deceiving appearance seems to run throughout the story, the way his rough skin betrays his gentle touch. I find it sweet how Mario seems to have given Samus 'butterflies', and she seems hurt and he seems to be making it better, which is sweet. I loved the metaphor of constellations as joining up stray thoughts, since the dark night sky is a nice idea of a scattered mess of depressing thoughts, hard to reach. Mario seems like such a positive person here, claiming to be 'at peace', not tired, and I like how his positivity rubs off onto her. Lovely work, a sweet story. :)
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. (He gave me butterflies) I feel that this could be omitted since it was mentioned on the line before, and, in my opinion, the line before is also the more powerful and passionate of the two. :)
. (He replied "I)
Dialogue tags starting off sentences follow with a comma :)
[ He replied, "I]
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Lovely work! Keep it up :)
| ElevenComics chapter 1 . 11/25/2013
I think my review here is gonna look weak, since the reviews below are so long.
I like this story, the characters here have creative vocabularies. Unlike those other stories where the words are, "Your hot" and "Your pretty." You are a very good writer. :)
This story has earned a warm place in my favorites! See ya later!
| DA7 chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
After reading a few chapters of your work, I really have to say that you have a wonderful grasp of the first person perspective. You can draw the reader in and have them follow character's thoughts and emotions even without the reader knowing the character's name. That's really good. And also your sentence structure flow. It always has a poetic feel and really helps carry the story. Another interesting factor is that without one of the paragraphs toward the end (and if you ignore the fandom information), the main character's gender is unknown. It makes it feel like the person telling the story could be anyone. Keep up the good work.
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
So. Right off the bat I see the pairing, and go, "...Hm." Should be interesting!
Yeah, appearances are deceiving; you wouldn't think someone of his, ah... Girth, could jump higher than most basketball players stand.
A spot of d'aww's there in the third paragraph. :P
Heh. All in the voice, then.
Or maybe it's all in the astronomy lessons. ;)
Heh. As far as contagious things, she could have gotten worse.
Understanding... Yeah. A key component of love.
Heh. D'aww, again.
Exhausted, at peace... Same thing, right?
And all I can think of for the rest is just "D'aww." A series of d'aww's, in fact. ALL THE D'AWW'S!
Well. I think I have diabetes. Again. So sugary sweet. Not a bad thing.
Shorter than a lot of your other works, but still quite good indeed. :) I like it.
| DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero chapter 1 . 8/22/2012
| Verran chapter 1 . 8/16/2012
Wow. Well, I'll start with the summary, because that summary alone speaks volumes. Without it, this would be an entirely different fic altogether.
'I finally had him. It was that simple'.
It's talking about Mario, this seasoned fighter who, even when standing alongside those who have wings, do magic, carry swords or guns or are just plain huge and heavy, still commands respect from them all. He's the one who all the others are measured by. Even during Snake's in-game codec conversation with the Colonel he mentions how lucky he is to have survived long enough to meet Mario on the field of battle. And Snake isn't even Nintendo.
No wonder Samus has butterflies about the fact that Mario is interested in her. But, is what she feels little more than hero worship? Infatuation? I wonder.
They are so hopelessly different, and they do make an odd couple. He is so simple (and by that I mean straightforward) and she is so complex. But that doesn't mean the relationship can't work.
It looks as though they've got to know each other a little but there's still a great deal of discovery ahead. The opening paragraph suggests there might still have been a little doubt in her mind when she went to that tree about whether he was perceptive enough to take the hint and follow her, even now. Also we still have little mismatches in their perception. For example, "You look exhausted." - "I prefer the term 'at peace'." and also 'I was predictable in that way. He called it reliable.'
Her interpretation of him is wonderful - she draws so much from so little, but she sees it as him drawing light from her soul. For example, the simple act of explaining the constellations triggers a deluge of emotional enlightenment within her.
His line 'You're pretty special, you know that?' - such a clumsy, but heartfelt line is just the sort of thing I'd expect to hear from Mario, especially as Samus goes on record near the beginning of this piece saying that he's not that eloquent. Whether it was intended or not, both this and his line 'You're such a light' made me chuckle. They contradicted each other in terms of his character but it worked - for me the latter sounded like a failed attempt at eloquence by Mario and - well, I thought it was wonderful.
And I can see why he'd be attracted to her - she's a quiet character in this fic, and since he's usually the outgoing, vibrant, high spirited character as described here, she'd be the welcome oasis of peace he'd need from time to time. And as the closing line says, it's that simple.
This fic can be interpreted in so many ways. For me it has projected Mario from two camera angles simultaneously - his straightforward outlook and approach to Samus, and her complicated interpretation of him, and the result is both thought provoking and entertaining.
Thanks for the read. :)
| Sonaria chapter 1 . 8/16/2012
That was good.
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
Huh, Mario and Samus… Interesting choice you got here. :D I love how it just works. So much said with the little actions and thoughts, like the stars and the "sight" to see more from them. It's such a relaxed tone, yet romantic as a special night between two. The only little quirks that threw me off were a few places with the adverbs, like [asked me casually], [laughed loudly], and [chuckled lowly]. Reason why is because the actions and the context around it already show that without the need of the adverb to restate it. Haha and I love that you took advantage of their height differences as well. A different way to see love in all forms, yet it's simply that. Cheers!
| Lady Paprika chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
Wow. Just... Wow.
This was amazing. Whatever you hoped to capture in this oneshot, I'm pretty sure I felt it. The nightly atmosphere especially I could feel, perhaps because I've been there before, in that same type of scenario. The one thing that did it for me was the beautiful comparison with the stars. I think that was the greatest moment of this whole piece.
Watch out for your commas, or lack thereof; I think you missed one when Mario says "I prefer the term 'at peace'." Put a comma after "replied."
I kind of felt that the shot became a bit weak towards the end before coming out strong, from the bit when Mario says aloud that Samus is his light. Maybe this is just because romantic dialogue hardly tends to make me feel anything but... Well awkward. Reading and writing it (which is odd because I love reading and writing romance!) but I suppose this is just a personal opinion. Most people dig it... I'm just weird.
There was also one bit, a line in which Samus explains, "It didn't take much to make him happy..." that confused me. If it doesn't take Mario much to be happy, then why would she follow this statement with a 'but'? It would make more sense to add that 'but' had she said something along the lines of, "Hardly anything made Mario happy, but when something did you couldn't miss it from a mile away." This would make a lot more sense, even if that doesn't suit the way you portrayed Mario at all!
All in all, this was amazing. Can't reiterate how much I liked it. It was short, sweet and... Well... Simple!
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
Well, first off, I must give you props for doing something very brave, and that's writing a pairing that's never been done before. I am not terribly familiar with your fandom, but I know that attempting any unseen pairing in any fandom is a huge risk.
I do know the Mario side and simply know Samus from a few of the review taggers' writings, including yours. I have to say, however, that I don't see the pairing as completely unrealistic. Since all the characters are included in one game, I think it's plausible. And I wouldn't call this blah at all...perhaps a little fluffy, but not blah at all. I very much enjoyed how they both radiated toward one another. And I loved how Mario told her she was a light...and she told him he was a mirror. That was sweet. And yes, it's a simple piece, but you say so much, I don't think you need bells and whistles. This is perfect the way it is. Well done. :)