Reviews for While the Stars Burn
Wishfulhamadryad chapter 19 . 6/14
OHGOD! I know it's probably not going to happen at this point but I'm not above begging :O please PLEASE continue this! Lol :P This is by FAR the absolute BEST Charles fic iv ever read :3 I so SO hope u come back to it at some point!
ElijahJessGodric chapter 19 . 6/25/2015
You didn't...you didn't just get Charles shot did you? Don't do it! I hate stories with a sad ending!
XxCupcakeAssassinxX chapter 19 . 6/11/2015
This story is amazing :) I hope you continue, I'd love to read more!
Nameless chapter 19 . 2/15/2015
What. Freaking. Happened. Next?!
persevera chapter 19 . 8/18/2014
Great cliffhanger! Zara was able to accomplish so much with her mind but when she resorted to a human item, it looks like she lost control. No one can think anything good will come from that gun being fired.
I love the idea of her pulling mental razor blades out and turning them back on Erik. It seems almost child-like.
When I said that, I realized that's the overall tone of this chapter.
Though they were discussing such grave things, the tone between Erik and Charles was the old give and take from when they were teenagers.
I loved this line [ "You're my best friend, and it drives me insane how bloody daft you can be sometimes,]. It sounded like friends meeting between classes, rather than estranged adversaries. It really conveyed the idea that they were still so immediate in each others' hearts and minds.
And Erik seemed to be relenting.
I'm surprised that Zara didn't have a sense of that but since she didn't, how will her actions change things now?
You're on a roll now, Marina. Keep it going.
lovestory2055 chapter 19 . 8/16/2014
Please you cannot do this to me! pLESEEEEEEE HE CANNOT Die or get shot again! PLEAE UPDATE AND NOT MAKE UR READERS WAIT SOOO LONG! ITS AMAZING!
The Bitter Kitten chapter 19 . 8/15/2014
IT HAS BEEN SO LONG I HAD TO GO BACK A CHAPTER TO REORIENT MYSELF.
Not like that was like, work or anything. You write so bloody well, girl. It’s not even fair :p

I love that Erik and Charles meeting was so emotionally blistering as to not actually make coherent sense.

I also love that Zara, bless her, is so in the dark about the extent of her powers. It really seems like the mutants with psychic or emotional abilities are so incredibly powerful, from Emma, who is freaking terrifying, and Charles, who is also terrifying, and if Zara can control other people’s emotional walls, I think she’s got them beat. I mean, Charles can just step in and control you, but Zara can slip in and just emotionally and physically destroy you with your own baggage. Damn.

Oh, Lord.
You do this meeting justice.
I know those types of friendship that are like a soul bond, without getting all maudlin. “With you, I am myself” is the only way to really describe it, and the pain and regret on both sides is so palpable here.
(It makes me super happy that they reconcile in Days of Future Past), and that Charles is all “dude, way to subterfuge, if you’d have texted, it’d already be done.”

ZARA THAT WAY LEADS TO PAIN FOR EVERYONE PUT THE GUN DOWN

I just know it’s going to be Charles bounding through the door and HE’S ALREADY BEEN SHOT BY SOMEONE HE LOVES BEFORE

And
Shit.

WRITE MORE RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT.

…You make me so shouty, Marina. You and Edhla, man, see what you do to me?
Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 19 . 8/15/2014
Rolling Commentary:

"in confusion. A scene" -Sadly lacking a musical score. XD

"So much, there for" -Yet, knowing them (albeit only from this story), it's probably one of those "so close, yet so far" things. :

"melting into place. She" -Literally melting? Hrm, guess that's one way to make sure she's secure.

"days before. She was" -As well she should have, really. *nods*

"had gone with it." -Sort of like a war-hammer to a knight?

"tingles. Could she do" -Ohh, good question. Assuming the answer is yes.

"thought frenetically. She could" -War-hammer to the face?

"a spring. Her legs" -Ouch. Er... well, you found him?

"run. She brought shaky" -Man. Think she doesn't even need it, she seems about three sheets to the wind at the minute. XD

"Because on the desk," -Hmm, probably not too much use against him, at a guess, but it ought be handy for that latch.

"looked almost sheepish." -*awesomeface .jpg*

"up to his temple." -Which one? Or both?

"few feet before stopping." -Well. That's one way to stop those sort of shenanigans. :P

"They stared at each" -Hm. Foe-yay? :P

"was retreating. He leaned" -Heh. Bet that's a little difficult to do.

"he didn't. Frustration rose" -Heh. So how's your shield, then? :P

""Seems like you've gotten" -Heh, deflecting the question? Must have been a lot.

""Would you do less?"" -Silly question, that. XD

""I would do a" -Ayup. :P

"everything was the same." -Might I note I like this? Drives, rather subtly, that feeling of familiarity between them.

""Well, if you don't," -XD Deliciously snarky.

""You already believe the" -Heh, this goes along with my previous comment about familiarity. It's working rather well, in my opinion.

"else. I think..." here" -"Together, we can rule the world!" ... Except, of course, the alignments just don't jive with that trope. XD

"should have. There's a" -Alas, it's likely too late.

"eyes directly. "Yes."" -Heh. But, will he believe him?

"quietly, sadly. "I said" -Huh. Guess so. Still won't change the outcome, mind, but still.

"Neither one of them" -Symbolic!

"had asked. Then, she" -Hahaha... a bit awkward, that.

"appeared. Loaded. She eased" -Ah, a revolver? Nice.

"next second. If you" -And remember, three strikes and you'll blow your balls off! ... Or analogs!

"She could, barely. The" -Hrm. Might have less than she expects, but... hm. Well, as long as she keeps her head out of the expected arc for when recoil makes it fly, she should be largely okay, really.

"The only warning she" -Hoo. Well, this should be interesting, anyway...

"felt before. Not in" -Heh. A vulnerability indeed.

"between you. We decided" -Hm. But, so far, doesn't seem to quite be going according to plan. :P

"potential than you realize."" -Heh. Bet it doesn't sting that much. Well, for him, not you. Obviously, that stung just a bit.

""You've built a life" -So many potshots!

"you wanted to know?"" -Heh. What will he do with that?

"you" gesture. Then he" -Hmm... Of course, considering... he probably won't be able to get it open. XD Slightly awkward!

"The door swung open." -Uh. Well. I guess he undid that. Either way... Dat cliffhanger, yo. :

General Thoughts:

Can I just say again that I like how you're adding those little touches of familiarity between those two? Up until now it's all been sort of second-hand, but to see how they interact like that, it really just drives it home for me. So good job there!

Anyway, heh. I also think it was good to put in that little spot of humor toward the beginning. Considering the charged situation that follows, having a bit of levity there is a good call. And of course, we get the tenseness of waiting in her following scene... and then, well. Dat cliffhanger. XD Next chapter should be interesting!

Good stuff. :)

P.S., if you're hard up for reading material, I've a few new chapters out now. ;)
Guest chapter 19 . 8/14/2014
Omg omg omg omg!' plz update!
Edhla chapter 19 . 8/14/2014
Marina! :D

I'm laughing about the injoke regarding significant looks and such, but in all seriousness, the first few lines are great. You're right - nothing can really prepare you for a moment like that and it's almost never the way you imagine.

[snick] God bless your ability to use onomatopoeia properly :D The "melting into place" was well done, too, and oh Lord, the smoke analogy was fantastic. I like what you've done with the punctuation for the "hurting" part - it's probably non-standard, but it works.

Oh, lord. The fact that Zara finds relief of her own pain by hurting other people - even if they are sort of a villain and sort of deserve it - that's actually chilling. Of course, nobody can blame her for seeking out her "fix" of pain relief, like a junkie.

[Ow.] I love how realistic this is, in the midst of some pretty heavy sci-fi (med-fi?). This is why I love Zara so much, Marina - she's such a real person. Her physical problems do not manifest in something that looks cool and disappears when it becomes inconvenient.

Oh, the implications there of "easy reach"! :(

The terse back and forth movements and gestures between Charles and Erik work wonderfully - like a game of chess. I'm not sure I'd use two semi-colons in such a short space but I have an unreasonable prejudice against them, having recently found out how badly *I* abuse them, so don't mind me :p

I love the "slid a few feet" detail - that's the sort of thing that really makes your prose stand out! I thought "so close that each" was a little odd, as I'd just assumed that Erik isn't just close to Charles - he's literally on top of him :)

"Sod off" is brilliant, a flash of the relationship as it used to be, a reprimand that's not deadly serious and yet so fed up with this crap. If this were mine (and I'm well aware it isn't, so don't mind me, ha :p) I'd be tempted to really pull back that "for a wonderful moment", as it tells rather than shows. I might write a bit of description instead that shows Erik's smiling for real this time, not just that sort of tight-lipped villain smile villains like to do :)

Oh, Erik. Charles just threw you the greatest of faith and confidence in "I don't need to", and you threw it in his face UGH STOP BEING STUPID AND COME TO YOUR SENSES.

Great job there of elucidating the difference between having someone by your own side and being at theirs. Subtle and nicely done.

Oh yes. YES, AN OC THAT KNOWS VERY LITTLE ABOUT GUNS. Like I keep saying about Zara... As an aside, I know absolutely nothing about guns, since they're highly illegal in this country and have been since I was about fourteen. Your gun-details work for me :)

As much as I don't want anyone to end up with a bullet in them (and God forbid she shoot Charles instead by accident - that stuff about gun safety is ominous as hell) I admire the fact that Zara is not just sitting there, awaiting her rescue.

Erik, dear, you have this all backwards. If you underestood people rather than genetics, you might want to get to know Zara, not Zara-the-mutant, and you might find that she, uh, LIKES poetry, and not all mutants want to rally behind the Glorious Cause.

This really rings true to me, because I have Spina Bifida and am significantly disabled. And I hate, oh how I HATE IT MARINA, when I'm invited to join support groups and clubs and to espouse causes based only on my disability. Why would I get along with someone, just because they're disabled too? I'm far more likely to get along with someone because we both like writing! And while I care about recognising people with a disability as fully-fledged, productive members of society, I am happy to leave the political advocacy to others who have more of an aptitude for that kind of thing, and go back to being me. I'm probably projecting way too much and totally misunderstanding your intention here, but... okay, I'll shut up now.

Marina, dear, I totally called that ending, did I not? :) - smile of triumph, not pleasure at all the aaaaaangst!

And I will be very calm when I say this: if you make me wait another year for the new chapter, I will find you, and I will skin you...

xx
Zendska chapter 19 . 8/14/2014
*gulp* What have you done!? Need the next chapter IMMEDIATELY!

*also, applause*
Castiel Angel Heart chapter 19 . 8/13/2014
Oh crap! I hate cliffhangers, update soon please.
GeorgyannWayson chapter 4 . 8/11/2014
[His arms around her felt so good, damn it] and this is why I love writing/reading romance. The fuzzy feels I get from statements like this make it all so worth it! Also got a smile from the movie comparison - shows a bit of a whimsical side to Zara's character.

Mileage may very here, but [may Hollywood roast in hell] was a little bit jarring for me because I felt that it kind of interrupted what was supposed to be a tender moment between Charles and Zara.

Wow, this moment with Charles stopping Zara's pain so visually driven, and I can't get enough of it. The 'blossoming' of the pain and the.'gentle brush' of Charles's power to release hormones to help her calm down right really helped me to slip right into her skin (at least for a moment) and experience what she experienced.

However, I did think that the use of 'natural morphine' was also a little jarring to the narrative. I would've just simply called it by its scientific name 'endorphin'.

[Stop beating around the bush then] huge YMMV point, but this line of dialogue seems a little unnecessary. To me, Charles isn't exactly beating around the bush; I mean, I suppose he is a little with [hear me out], but to me, he's more preparing her for what he has to say than actively avoiding talking about it.

If you really want to give an impression that he's trying to avoid talking about it, I would suggest maybe showing it somewhere in the narrative via his actions. But it's up to you :)

Uh-oh, Charles you in trouble...run and hide, my friend! But hey, if I was Zara, I'd be mighty upset too with what he did. I support her *holds up picket sign*

NOW THE TITLE MAKES SENSE *revelation* holy smokes, Marina, nice way to work your title into the purpose of the story! And she got a taste of just what it's like to be without her gift...the world is quiet without it. Makes total and perfect sense to me. :)

I sure can't wait to see what happens next! See you next time dear!
GeorgyannWayson chapter 3 . 8/6/2014
Hey again Marina :)

Yay for Zara waking up pain free! *dancedance* couldn't help but feel legitimately excited for this moment! All thanks to wonderful Charles :)

[...had a mutation too, he said straight out...] I think this is a comma splice right here; even if it wasn't, I think a semicolon would work better here than a comma since it's the continuation of a thought that could stand on its own. Same thing with [...always be pain, it was just...].

Actually I initially thought that Zara's condition was rheumatoid arthritis medically speaking. Nice to see that I was correct :)

I love the comparison of fear to like that of a necklace that you subconsciously reach for to make sure it's still there. Beautiful!

[It's great that he spends all that time himself] this line is spoken by Zara and to me, it sounds...incomplete? I think what she's trying to say is that she thinks it's nice that Charles takes personal time out of his schedule to visit these mutants and their families. Maybe consider revising for clarity?

Oh Zara, stop jumping to these crazy conclusions. Charles obviously has a special spot for you, but you're acting as though you're just another schmoe in his world. Gurl, puh-leaze sit down and take a chill pill.

Whoa, mini meltdown ahoy! But this means that Zara's going to go talk to Charles, so...though she was basically falling apart, I was like "good" :)

Awwwwww the FEELS! I can't handle it; too much, too much! I am so excited to see what happens next! See you next time, Marina!
GeorgyannWayson chapter 2 . 8/5/2014
Hey again Marina :) couldn't resist with coming back and seeing what was up!

I absolutely love how Charles's very gentle leader personality is being showcased here with this conversation with Zara. He lets her kind of lead the way, then as soon as he sees that she's going to (maybe) listen to him, he swoops in with his "mutation" speech and lays down the boom. Wonderful way of handling their first conversation about her mutation.

Oh, yes, Erik. I agree that he would most certainly be blunt with Zara. I even got a little pang in my chest with Charles's short "I miss Erik" aside. They were a great team when Erik wasn't being all crazy and trying to kill people...oh dat bromance.

[I'm not talking about the pain, actually."] Missing a set of quotation marks at the beginning of this line of dialogue. :)

Oh, great, Charles had to pull out the mind reading. Dude, I can only imagine how extrememly freaky it would be to have a voice literally booming in your head that's not your own. I'm with Zara; I would be freaked out, too! But he's only trying to help ya, Zara *patpat*

Love how he gives her a night's sleep free of pain. Don't know why, but I think that's one of the most selfless and romantic things that Charles could do *romanticswoon* get ready, Zara; Charles has got his eye on you!

Wonderful chapter, Marina. See you next time!
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