|Reviews for Gosick: After the War|
| magicalnana chapter 5 . 8/20/2013
great story hoping for more...
| Scorn Of The Moon chapter 5 . 8/20/2013
Should be M. But Alright.
| Scorn Of The Moon chapter 1 . 8/20/2013
Spelling mistakes. Not too bad. Almost Plagiarizing . But well written so far.
| Beforethedawnbreaks chapter 5 . 8/6/2013
Hey are you going to finish it? It's really good.
| Critique 2 chapter 1 . 6/30/2013
(CONTINUATION FROM Critique [Me])
Victorique finally realizes what's happening and continue until Kazuya pulls back. Victorique becomes confused, asking why did he do that and begins questioning why she feels so "strange" (the array of emotional downs & ups). Out of that bewilderment, she demands to know: What makes you love me?
Kazuya is puzzled, "Hmm... Well..." He then tries his best to explain by first describing several of her bad qualities first (making Victorique flustered [puffy cheeks] ) then he describes some of her better qualities (aside from her intelligence; gradually her face deflates to normal and is honestly surprised at his response). [2 second silence] Then Kazuya asks her, "So, what do you like about me?"
Victorique is now puzzled, but quickly attempts to poise herself (while trying not to look at Kazuya) by (at first) marking all of Kazuya's points that she doesn't like (which Kazuya "fails" to refute), but eventually her voice softens & begins smiling as she's describing all the good things about Kazuya.
(Kazuya is genuinely surprised, then smiles, about how she describes him in such a way)
Victorique then attempts to finish - "And... I guess... That's why I... I..." - then that "moment of clarity" is what makes her look at Kazuya, tearing (happily), "... I love you..."
Kazuya then slowly comes face to face once more with Victorique, and they both come closer (with no flash) to finally have their lips meet.
| Critique chapter 1 . 6/29/2013
From the points between "I have been through a lot-" and "-never separated again," the "idea" of marriage sounds very vague and scattered.
Then, you have a paragraph that discreetly makes for an abrupt change in the setting after that "idea." Where I'm assuming they were, or were about to, have their wedding and you suddenly had Victorique mention of resuming what they were doing in the field at an inn.
That portion of the story seemed rather quick to drastically change the dynamic between Kazuya & Victorique, esp for Vic's character.
Once a tsudere will always be one - she could exhibit "some" character change, but never a complete 180* .
Perhaps, you should edit your first chapter by concentrating how the ending could lead to that marriage.
FREE TO USE:
Victorique could deduct (after a few days time), she's expecting Kazuya to propose, but will go out her way to change that chaos or will attempt to avoid talking to him (as she still fears admitting her TRUE feelings).
But Kazuya has a plan (assuming this relates to how his brothers POSSIBLY taught him to trap animals), and traps her in a setting to where they could privately discuss what happened between them.
Kazuya talks first, Vic refuses, Kazuya insists, Vic then admits her deductions and flushes with silence after saying something on the lines of, "And then we would both tell each other how we lo-".
She stops because she has never actually phrased or said "I love" to anybody else, nor can she explain how she could've deduced how she feels LOGICALLY.
Victorique then wonders off into a long, soft monologue (w/ Kazuya paying full attention) about how could she feel this way because of how she was raised & who she was and does not deserve love.
After saying all she has to say, Victorique stands weeping with her head down (ashamed for what she's told), Kazuya takes a knee and embraces her and says something in an attempt to stop her crying by correcting her, with something on the lines of, "You're wrong. Everyone, no matter who you are, deserves to feel and be loved." He then pulls away to see teary Victorique and says, "Victorique, I love you."
Her eyes then stop crying, a flash happens to a surprised look on Victorique's face as she finally notices that Kazuya is kissing her. (END OF THOUGHT)
Well, I maybe put a little too much here, but you can use this if you want.
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/10/2013
Hi! I think your writing is great, and I enjoyed trying to figure out the mystery in the first chapter. I liked that you put a lot of thought into it. (Knowing me i would just sit there staring at my computer for ages and then rewatch the series for inspiration hehehe :) )I just wanted to mention that when you write a lemon in a story, you need to change the rating to M for mature. :) Good luck in your writing!
| Guest chapter 3 . 3/26/2013
need more work
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
| James Birdsong chapter 5 . 3/20/2013
Excellent. So very lovely and sweet and cool and wonderful.
| LTA chapter 5 . 3/17/2013
omg thanks sooo much for updating
| LTA chapter 4 . 2/14/2013
As long as you drop the story I don't care
| Loli duck chapter 4 . 2/13/2013
A Lemon for chat 5?
First Gosick Lemon on FF, try not to make it too detailed.
love the Fic so far.
| James Birdsong chapter 4 . 2/7/2013
Thank you for the warning.
| tatsumage chapter 3 . 1/9/2013
this is a good story, i hope you upload the next chapter soon.