|Reviews for Caught|
| Kadaj5 chapter 5 . 6/17
This chapter actually adds action/adventure to the genres this fic has. I'm not sure if magic can be used like that in "Ojamajo Doremi", but there's really only three spells that can't be used, and what Aiko used isn't one of them.
You've definitely improved from previous chapters, but there are still errors. For starters, you've again referenced the reader; more specifically, when Onpu's cookie dropped to the floor. Anyway, there are still grammatical and spelling errors, but those are fewer than previous chapters.
All in all, it's pretty well done! And I can see how this chapter feeds into both plotlines...
You updating this reminds me: I've got stuff to update, too. Dear me...
| Luxray24 chapter 5 . 6/17
IN put the Wizards, soon! U could put them in. And say that the queen assigned them to be the girls' protection
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/10/2014
| ojamajo fans chapter 4 . 12/18/2013
It was a good story. I will look foward again in this story
| bloodyflower chapter 4 . 9/7/2013
I love it. I love it! I love it! Please update soon!
| Kadaj5 chapter 4 . 8/29/2013
I have to agree with RoseQuartz1's review; the plot point of the girls being caught being apprentices should remain a major plot point. I have an idea of how it could end up as, but I'll leave it to you in the end. However, I wouldn't include OCs here since none have been established so far.
Also, I need to tell you about the difference between "your" and "you're"; Basically, when someone uses "your", they mean "It's your thing." or "Your turn." a.k.a. belongs to someone.
Examples: "We need to get YOUR capabilities up and running." and "Can he regain YOUR trust?"
As for "you're", it's a contraction formed from "you are";
Example: "YOU'RE not really going to win, are you?" and "YOU'RE gonna win."
I hope this helps.
| Luxray24 chapter 4 . 8/28/2013
You should add the wizards in like faradagio(spelling?) and the flat 4 and add a wizard as momoko's counterpart and make it a part romance/love story
| RoseQuartz1 chapter 4 . 8/28/2013
Wow. O.O It's gettin' dwamateec(dramatic with an accent/baby talk :P).
I know that basically the identity thing has basically blown over, but I think that you should keep it in the plot somehow besides the monsters attacking and that stuff. Because the girls being caught is what first drew everyone to read this story and you shouldn't just take it out or it would seem kinda strange. Like it was a whole other story instead of what it first started out as. O.O It's going very fast. :l L:
| RoseQuartz1 chapter 3 . 5/9/2013
UPDATE PLEASE! XD XD XD XD XD
| RoseQuartz1 chapter 1 . 5/9/2013
Oh, WOW, Doremi and Onpu. WOW. They like playing M-rated games! WOW, guys. WOW. XD XD XP XP XD XP
| Kadaj5 chapter 3 . 3/13/2013
Ok. When it comes to writing quotes, try using commas before ending it off.
"When the world comes around," said the philosopher, "the world will be set free from his control."
Exceptions would be when certain actions apply after the quote.
"Come." The philosopher pointed in the direction of where they should be headed. "We need to get moving!"
Of course, if the sentence calls for something else (such as en exclamation or a question), use the "!" or "?" for those sentences, regardless.
| maymaymaymay chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
This is honestly amazing. Please keep going! And I think you should update like right now, because I'm dying here, without knowing what comes next! My favourite character is Ai chan too!
| trainer bubbles chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
lol this was a good story so fair
| Kadaj5 chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
It's not a bad start to a new fic. However, I have a few pointers:
If you place puns, then you might not want to tell us about them or their meanings. The puns, shout outs, references, and everything similar is something that the readers should figure out for themselves. There is a lot of fun to be had in that department.
You also might want to avoid placing your thoughts and author's notes in the middle of the fic. Such things can be compared to placing a speed bump in the middle of the highway; they interrupt story flow and tend to drive readers off.
For example: "My name is Mr. Steve and I hate children! Disgusting, filthy, flea bitten rats is all they are! Glad I never was one!" (Oh yes you were! Don't hide your past from all of us.)
You could probably get away with it by using a self-insert instead of placing the thought in parenthesis, but even then those are risky due to their tendency to ruin stories.
Author's notes should always go either be at the top or bottom of the page, but never in the middle.
I only found two such thoughts, which isn't too bad.
To be honest though, I have yet to actually read "Seeing is Believing", but I will try to find the time.
| Wingless Symphony chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
The Doremi and Onpu game moment was probably the best thing out of this whole chapter. I didn't think that either of them would play such games.
... But why Batman? I'm not sure if it's released in Japan... Japanese language patch, I guess?