Reviews for A Dresden Files fanfic
darroth42 chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
Right off the bat, i like that you're putting yourself out there. i approve! that said...

your story doesn't make very much sense to me. if i'm right, you were going for mysterious. and yeah, this certainly was. too much so, i'm afraid. i've no idea what andre looks like, i don't really know very much about the angry wolf-skull spirit, frankly, you've kept me on the edge of my seat, which is good, but you left me with no relief. your writing style is interesting, and once you master it, i think you'll have an enormous talent, but as of now it needs refining, and maybe more substance. i would like some meat in my word sandwhich!

in summary, you've got potential, but i think i'd like more details. i look forward to someday reading the entire thing.

signed,
an optimist.
Dorian Windslasher chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
Not sure whether you should post a first draft, but no matter. So far, this story makes no sense. We've got a new character who is not explained.
He's doing something, but whatever it is, you do not explain it either.

*Intestines. That's the plural. What you wrote was the possessive form.

My recommendation is that you write more. Try connecting it to something in the DF verse the reader would know and try to outline the general direction of the plot before the first chapter is over.

You're trying to capture the reader's attention, after all.
Thomas A chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
What the heck I do not offer too many reviews - but as you asked here is te points I would offer...

1. Do NOT go for shock such as 'assortment of guts, intestine's, and semi-decomposed food.' The reson for this is two-fold. First what is the difference between guts and intestines? I literally stopped reading for aa moment to try and figure that out... you want to pull your readers along not stop the train... Second... a reader's mind is far more fertile for intrigue if you leave it to their imagination. Sure you may shock us by offering a visual of 'intestines' but if I am a butcher or a doctor then *yawn.* On the other hand if you leave it vague such as...'those parts of her not meant to see the light of day while she lived' it evokes much of the same cringing you were seeking to achieve and still keeping the reader wondering where you are taking this...

Which leads to my second point -

2. Where are you taking this? I'd offer you do what many other FanFic authors do... you test the water with a really small nibble looking to see what interest you can attract with your writing. Trust me I understand this... But when I see a new posting I always look at the number of words. Less than 2,000 tends to suggest someone with 10 minutes to waste on their hands whereas 5,000 or more words screams someone who wants to tell me a story. Sure the Gettysburg Address was short and powerful but not a lot of FanFic makes it to that level.

So my answer to you is you are not horrible... you need to not rush and make sure the story is serving up to the reading exactly what you are seeking to convey. Does it evoke their emotions (beyond being grossed out...lol), do the characters touch a part in the reader that they can relate to, and are you projecting yourself as a person with something to say?

Find your voice...not what you think others want but the one you want to speak with and then tell your story. My advice... take it for what you will... *Feel free to slam my story if you desire...lol... good luck!*