|Reviews for Sucker|
| Starry Requiem chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
I like all the suggestive hints in here. They really made the story humorous, and it's funny seeing Saix getting all worked up as opposed to his 'robot'-ish ways. xD
Larxene is just adorably evil, and I love the way you described how the lollipop would hit her teeth and her coat would squeak which made Saix get annoyed. It's all the little details that really tie in stories like this.
And Axel was just ANOTHER headache. My favorite part when I was LITERALLY laughing out loud is this:
His mouth set into a thin, displeased line as his brow twitched impatiently; eyes narrowed into slits now…
"Oh?" Larxene, licking her lollipop, teased mischievously. "Did you want to play too, Fireball?"
What was this?
"Tempting, Sparky; very tempting, but the prospect of having to 'share' with Saïx is just so off-putting."
What. Was. This?
"Do you mean sharing with Saïx or just sharing Saïx in general, hmm?"
"I'm not even gonna answer that—"
The 'What. Was. This?' part literally made me laugh out loud. Just the mental image of Saix in a suggestive position, literally about to BLOW UP and those thoughts were hilarious. It still makes me laugh when I re-read it.
All the characters was great and equally humorous but I have to give it to Saix in this one. xD He went through so much, poor guy.
| RavenousMax chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
I'll admit, I was so hyped when you finally updated, and to top of it off, I was
a source of motivation to finish this lovely piece ! :D
So I'll write an extra long, detailed review because I'm on a high today. Plus I'm a bit late in reviewing ;_;
You bring comedy to a pairing that seriously needs it, but manage to keep it
IN CHARACTER. Witty and seductive.
Love Sucker. Love Saix (and his hormones). Love Larxene. Love Axel.
And love the ending. Keeping to a humurous tone but hinting at Larxene's disappointment via Axel. Feature of a good piece of writing is showing something and letting the reader figure it out for themselves, rather than stating it directly.
Show, don't tell, as several of my teachers once told me.
You have a tendancy to specify the characters' actions in incredible detail; while
that ensures the reader has no problems following the sequences from
Saix in chair to Saix on Larxene on bed, you could ease up on the /exact/ details.
So, "she... rolled it between her thumb and index finger"
"she played around with it in her fingers".
Hm...that could be better, but you know what I mean.
On a personal basis, I would have liked to see a deeper connection between our SaiLar babies, but seeing as this is comedy, I'm happy with it just as is.
And before I forget: Saix, bless you.
I eagerly and impatiently await your next update.
| Startix-Master of the NoLess chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Only 3 reviews? A shame, a damn, crying shame. Loved every second of it and you TOTALLY captured Larxene's personality. Hope there's more like this
| Damonica chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
*Giggling* As soon as you hear, "lollipop", you know it's gonna be bad XD
Axel, of all people? Hmm, if you think about it, they're pretty lucky... Imagine Vexen walking in. Or Xigbar. Or Roxas. Or Xemnas.
Demyx, Zexion or Lexaeus would probably be preferable, mind you.
I don't know or want to know how Marly and the others unmentioned would react XD
Anywhooooo, nice work :)
| Rapis-Razuri chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
I love these three and it's all because of you.
That lollipop sure got around during it's short miserable life, huh? XD
...eww, I feel like such a pervert for saying that.
| PromiseInTheRain chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
I admittedly laughed out loud a few times while reading this, and read some of it to my sister who thought it was great too. Gotta love Larxene! (At least, I do.) :P