Reviews for Milanor Union
Manakete King chapter 3 . 1/15/2013
That was an improvement, but your wording is still a tad weak. My main point in this is when Russel was worrying over Killia going to Paltina by foot. When I read it, he sounded overly rushed, and if it wasn't for the periods, I would have mistaken it for a run-on sentence. I would suggest making use of "..." and commas, to help break up the character's words, and help them keep the same tone as the setting. Otherwise, I liked the chapter, and good luck with your computer. Later.
Manakete King chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
Okay, so I had to go and look this up, but yes, Fyfer is older than the Yggdra and Milanor by one year on both of them. She holds no ties to either of them, or Fantasinia for that matter. She lives in some old ruins, several miles outside of Kylier's hometown, along with her best friend Oliver, and his sister, Angel. Oliver is a unique class that I simply call Reaper, and Angel is a Grim Angel who gave up her morality for the power, so she has no sense of right or wrong. If you don't know what a Grim Angel is, either play or look up Riveria, which is this game's 'Soul Preceder' if you will. Anyway, they've all lived out there for their entire lives, as it was where they were left by their parents, so it is where they stayed. All of them are very close, and Fyfer continuously tries to keep Angel from doing anything truly evil or wrong. She is in no way romantically involved with Oliver, nor is there any intent to be, as they grew up together, and are more brother and sister than boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes, you got the pronunciation correct for her name, and sorry about that, but no, Valeria's eyes are a glowing, solid, blue colour. Fyfer's unique card is Inferno Blitz, it has an Axe ace, starting power of 2700, movement of 10, and is an A type skill, like Shield Barrier. When in use, it has a similar effect to Gulcasa's Genocide, minus the slaughtering of ones allies, and at only 30% the power boost. Another way to look at it, is that it adds 45% of your stars back into your attack, rounded down. The incantation is as follows: Ancient flame of the forgotten forge, purge the land of the unworthy, and bring again your eternal fury! 'Worth of the card' Inferno Blitz, Orious the Smith shall bring us the Fury!
As a last note, Orious is pronounced Oh-RY-us. If you want/need any more information on Fyfer, Oliver, or Angel, let me know. Later!
Manakete King chapter 2 . 12/21/2012
Well, I like the story so far, but it is a tad... lacking, I guess, in terms of diversity and vocabulary. I would suggest that you work with your grammar a bit more, and perhaps try to improve the length and quality of your sentences, but the bones are all here for a good story, so keep working at it, and you could have a solid fanfic here. I'll finish up the info on Fyfer real soon, so until then. Later!
Manakete King chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
I know you say to PM, but I cannot do that, so I hope its okay to do this this way. I'm submitting an OC for the Griffon Rider class. Her name is Fyfer, she is eighteen, and her attire is very plain. She wears an orange half- top, like Kylier's, along with dark red pants that stop half-way between her knees and ankles. She has long orange hair, think like a rusty orange colour, that she keeps straight and flowing back down to a little ways below her shoulders. Fyfer has bright red crimson eyes, and is very peppy. She is very excitable, loves to fight, and in general has the maturity of an adult, with the pep and energy of a young child. Her Griffon's name is Valeria, and she has been Fyfer's mount for five years. Valeria is a pure black griffon, with no other colour noticeable on her, not even her beak. If you choose to use her, and you are interested, I also have a custom card that she uses, if that is allowed. Anyway, regardless of what happens, hope you continue this story, sounds like it will be very good, and long, too. Later.
nav2255notlog chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
oh yeah that review was me not loged in xp
Guest chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
don't understand it but nice XP