|Reviews for Double Helix|
| Perfect Carnage chapter 3 . 9/2/2013
Well that was sudden. Deadline chasing you or something?
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/27/2013
Thanks for continuing the story and good story so far
| COTL chapter 2 . 5/18/2013
Please continue, I love this story! :D
I've been waiting for a new chapter.
| SummerPond chapter 2 . 2/8/2013
Ooooh! Brilliant! Plz plz plz plz continue!
| pineapplegoddess chapter 2 . 2/2/2013
I absolutely love this so far! Please update soon!
| SapphireShelle91 chapter 2 . 12/17/2012
I'm really enjoying this. Will you be updating again soon?
| Corinne Tate chapter 1 . 8/22/2012
Well, I can't claim I'm ignorant of the fandom here. The Thing is one of those movies that just gives you the heebie jeebies from the first frame, and it never lets up. I usually preface my reviews by saying I'm a harsh reviewer, but you've asked for this, (muwahahaha!)
Right off the bat, your opening paragraph is huge. I'm a big believer in breaking the word blocks up so readers are drawn in. I know we're supposed to keep like items in one paragraph, but for ease of reading you might want to change that.
“...could almost feel the thumping sounds...” I've become sensitive to these qualifiers in my own writing, and I'm trying to eliminate words like, almost, sort of, somewhat, and a little. It makes a stronger statement if you can get rid of them.
“...if the obvious hadn't happened,...” Knowing this is The Thing fan fiction, it is obvious what happened, but stating this in the story, could make the reader feel like they're being left out of the loop. What happened in the movies was nothing I'd call obvious, and you might want to find some other way to describe it, even if you don't want to get into retelling the story. She might call it a tragedy, a horror, or a nightmare.
"I am, was, a PhD candidate...” This whole paragraph has a lot of commas and I'd make it more than two sentences: “I am—was, a PhD candidate from Columbia University. One of my specialties is cold weather digs.” She paused and started fidgeting with her hands, knowing that he wouldn't like what she was about to say; no normal, sane man would. “I was...”
It seems funny that he blames her specifically for letting it out, even though she was part of a team. She also seems ready to take the blame.
Your sentence feels a bit awkward, you might try: He shook his head in disgust. “How you gonna live with that?”
I like the term shell shock, since it's older sounding than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I also like that she finally told him that she wasn't the one who let it out. It took her a little while, which is understandable, since she's still likely in shock and trying to put everything in perspective.
Overall, this is a nice set up for potentially one more go round with the monster. You might want to take a second look at it, and tighten up some of the sentence structures. If it's not necessary, leave it out. The dialogue feels a little stilted, but if they're ESL, that might be why. If English is their native tongue, you might want to round off the proper sounds in their speech. It really depends on the characters.