|Reviews for Afterlife Memories|
| OzoraWings chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
I know it has been a long time since I promised that I'd review this story for you but it just kept being put off. I did plan on reading it A LOT earlier but I'm afraid life finally caught up with me and I've been struggling to get on Fanfiction at all. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I hope my reading it made up for it.
On to the actual review; it is an unusual story, I'm glad you uploaded even though you said you weren't confidence, this site helps writers grow into authors - when I first started out I can't say I was very proud of it, but I can see that I'm getting better and I know from experience that you will too.
I liked this first chapter; some may say it's a little too short but the length was acceptable and I think you've done well with this. The typos, however, stunts your story quite a bit and maybe you should look at adding more content?
Thoughtout the story you forget some connecting words, which are important to make the sentence make sense, some of the "." were put in the wrong place e.g:
"What the hell with that skill canceller! Said Misaka and Misaka in panic!"
this part: (said Misaka and Misaka in a panic) shouldn't have been inside the speaking "" mainly because the characters are not saying those words... Am I explaining this alright or am I just being confusing?
There were other things that were wrong, like sometimes you forgot to give the name of a place capital letter; you mustn't forget those - their really important mainly because they change what could be a describing word into a name.
I hope you don't think I'm being rube because that's not my intention and I really did enjoy you're story. It's a very interesting crossover that could be a very good mix. I haven't read the other two chapters and I'm looking forward to them.
I hope you continue this story! And good luck with the future! : )
| Mari'e Aliza chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
Awesome! :D:D:D nice ideas
| Rybalov chapter 3 . 9/25/2012
| Rybalov chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
| Anne Fatalism Dilettante chapter 2 . 8/27/2012
From what I can see here, English obviously isn't your first language. Well, Toaru and Angel Beats - must say that's quite a new combination. I never thought about that before...
That aside, I hope you can accept a few constructive criticism from my side. You have numerous spelling and grammatical errors - from mistakes in tenses, sentence structure, and your word usage. I recommend that you get a beta-reader to help you out before posting it in here - I mean, sure, you can fix up the mistakes yourself later, but hey - it'd be even better if you polished everything up before posting. Sometimes I don't really understand what's happening.
Separate your author's notes by bolding them so that we don't get confused. Include the background of the story into the STORY itself - a little more elaboration on the setting would be good.
I hope you don't find me too harsh. :) I sincerely hope you continue improving!
| Charlotte Eraviel chapter 2 . 8/23/2012
I haven't watched Toaru Majutsu no Index yet, so I won't do some criticizing in the plot as of now. Maybe next time.
Yes, I can see some typos. Plus, when you do an author's note, make sure to make it Bold or Italic, so the readers won't be confused. That's for the first chapter. In the second chapter, well, you put a #. That's alright.
Proofread your work first before publishing. The typos/misspelled words can be seen obviously.