Reviews for Gamer the Fugitive
jack.brewer.1217 chapter 2 . 11/19/2013
The concept is very compelling. 10/10
finallyexploded chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
My first request is that you delete all anon comments. They are ALL stupid comments. Just delete them. Give your friends accounts on the site, and PM each other.
I'm flagging all your friend's comments because they don't relate to the story.

As for the story...
Gamer peeked out from the opening of the cavern he was currently hiding in.
(delete 'currently', past-tense- present mix)

The plot line is pretty cool so far, but the part where he ran off before anyone could stop him... what happened to Sonic's super speed?

Have a good day.
Gamer chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Then I'm opening this. *snatches the key and puts it into the keyhole* *turns the key and opens it*
george chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Gamer chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Why not?
george chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Gamer chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
*chuckles* Oh really? *zooms in on the key and analyzes where it goes* *teleports to that spot and sees a keyhole shaped just like the key* Perfect.
george chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
technology won't help i have kept my secrets in where the key goes ever since i was 17
Gamer chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
I don't need you to. *searches for where it goes in on the laptop*
george chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
i am not telling you where it goes in
Kurue chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
You're writing isn't TOO bad although it could use a bit of work to take it to a more decent level. I personally don't mind reading OCs myself (but that is up to others preference as well - I'm just speaking for myself). I think with a bit of guidance this could be a fairly enjoyable read.

I like that you put in at least some minimal description and don't write it in chat script format. You also show capabilities of using more intelligent words than "said" all of the time. As well you are pretty adept at writing casual dialogues that don't seem forced. But when reading your material I can't help but feel it might work better with a visual episode going on. This is a problem.

You can remedy this by adding in character emotions, thoughts, and observations surrounding their bits of dialogue instead of having it as you do with the speaker saying their line in such a such way. Also switching up the speaker's name to the end of the sentence might reduce the monotony. Fill in the rough patches with more goings on without saturating it with detail, and you'll have eliminated the need for an animation.

The plot is bare-bones, but not the worst. I think it could use some definite planning before you start writing. That would help with consistency in your story. Characters tend to get lost or holes in the story seem to happen, or even become too oversimplified, without at least a scratch sheet with plot points. I'm not going to give specifics based directly on your story because I feel you should have that creative freedom, but before you write, sit down and draw up a small plan. It doesn't have to be fancy but organizing thoughts will push you further.

Also you should, as others have said, make a Roleplay on the forums and off of the review section. It's hard to read the reviews with the Roleplay dialogue going on.

Keep learning. Keep writing.

- Kurue
Gamer chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
I wasn't going to ask if i could have it. *takes out a set of binoculars hooked up to a laptop and takes a picture of the key*
george chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
(shows the key) im not giving it to you because i am the owner of it
Gamer the Hedgehog chapter 4 . 8/31/2012
What's the key?
george chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
(hits gamer) (writes a note) yek eht ni seil rewsna eht
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