|Reviews for James and Me|
| 0902FRIENDs chapter 14 . 10/20/2017
Thanks for all the answers (or clues) in this chapter. They're much needed.
Your attempt at this "memory within memory" thing helped us peel the onion, though it's a little confusing at the end. I was expecting you to start and end with Annie "in the present". Even just a hint like "As we sang once more, the energy enveloped us, sending us into an endless tunnel of memories" to begin with and "a breeze dispersed the energy, and we were back again in the present" at the end would make things a lot clearer. There are also a few times I think maybe mentioning the kids' ages or the time early on would be a good idea. As a reader, I don't mind, but as a writer/critique, it matters. Maintaining consistency, building suspense, and guiding your readers to the right conclusion all at the same time is a tough act. I do believe there's room to do better.
Now to the details.
"brewing storm" - good one. Would love to nick it, if that's okay?
I think you mentioned singing the song twice for the memory when they decline Al's request to add Scorpius into the gang, and that's what threw me off (re the above). So maybe working on that line would help without changing the overall structure.
I do love how you portrayed the club (or the gang) like the Fight Club. Adds a sense of solidarity between the kids. I suppose it also explains why Annie and Henry are informed about the others' Hogwarts lives? It's quite amazing what the adults idon't/i know.
Emotional moment when Al is finally convinced. Henry looks like a good leader in the making, so does James! Wonder how he decides to quit school? Is it related to what the kids see that day Annie gets Crucioed, and the subsequent Obliviation?
Sad that Teddy wasn't too enthusiastic about the club, but he's only human! Would love to see more of Teddy in your future stories though! What does he do now that he's graduated?
I somehow think Lily and Hugo being older than Henry and James were when they sighed the covenant a bit odd, but I can be mistaken. My brain's not up for algebra at the moment.
Is there any significance with the Easter hols in this story? Feels like everything is happening over Easter, and never summer!
Their signing, albeit driven by fear of prospective separation, truly bonds them together! Now that you've revealed James' interest in history starts early on, I'm starting to think he's researched on purpose!
The "be true to each other" clause in the rules makes me wonder if the signing is the reason why the adults haven't been able to Obliviate Annie and Henry - not even the Obliviators could prevent the truth from coming out once Annie meets James! And if James has researched it on purpose, it's almost certain he, at age 11, has guaranteed a breach of the Statue despite all potential consequences. The nerves of that child!
That reminds me... Is that why James has trouble stopping himself talking about Hogwarts in the earlier chapters? Because he's so used to talking about it with the Charletons and sometimes forgets that they've been Obliviated?
Looks like you've opted for the "I'd always fancied him" type of romance. Personally I think it a bit cliche, especially when the same is used on Rosie and Hugo, and the kids already seem to have fairly stable personalities, but it's your decision.
I'm intrigued about this Craig character now, but I won't make any guesses yet. Keep the hints coming!
Henry in his big brother mode is my favourite! The incident also showed Jamie being deeper and more sensitive than he appears to be... Given how livid James had been about his punishment back then, I wonder how he didn't tell Harry about Craig? Or he might be both furious at his dad and blaming himself?
So... Umbridge? You didn't say anything about her looking like a toad, but again I think that's only because of the distance, and her looking at Drakeshaugh and not the stone. And where has the other person gone to? I'm still a firm believer of there being two perpetrators. Does the other Apparate to the other side of the stone or something?
"Her outfit was a bright beacon against the shadowy trees" - I first read it as "bright bacon" and it brought a chuckle to me. Maybe "bacon" is in fact a better word? It certainly fits pink in my head.
Trash talk are the best, if only I can follow them! I need to learn myself some proper pop culture!
Looking forward to see the kids fending themselves!
A few minor adjustments could improve the overall tidiness of this chapter - but that's not the point of this review. I need to shut my harsh-critique-brain before people think I'm imposing my unaesthetic views upon them.
Hope I didn't bore you with this review.
| coki83 chapter 14 . 10/19/2017
Loved this chapter! I can tell triple p is trouble if it’s who I think it is!
Just finished reading all of your stories again and with out doubt this and Strangers are definitely my favourite closely followed by Battle.
Keep up the fantastic work, can’t wait for more
| Yami Umi chapter 14 . 10/18/2017
I felt like I waited years for this chapter, and it didn't disappoint in the slightest! I wasn't expecting a flashback, but FINALLY things are coming together. So, the last time they all met was indeed 2 years after Annie's eleventh birthday, but Craig's father went to obliviate them.
In all their contact, Henry and Annie KNEW about magic, including apparition, but only an uncomplicated version of it. And finally their blood vow might be breaking the memory spell that was cast on all of them.
Oh, this is going to have repercussions. Harry and Ginny will NOT LIKE to know that their kids were obliviated too, nor that there were a "triple P" involved in that one man mission.
Now, I wonder what all of them are thinking, remembering all of it, if it's going to be as scary as overwhelming as I'm suspecting it will. They are sure in for a ride
| Guest chapter 14 . 10/17/2017
I truly love this story! It’s delightful to bridge the time from the last Potter book to current day. Your characters ring true and it’s wonderful to see their story unfold! Please keep updating this story!
| keeptheotherone chapter 14 . 10/16/2017
So ... Annie and Henry knew about magic as kids not just by accident, but because the Potters/Weasleys shared it with them. That complicates the obliviation situation. Somehow I'd missed that Craig was the one who made the potion given to Annie so toxic; did we know that before? I feel we've learned a lot about James's character in this chapter in the complexities of his friendship with Craig both before and after that incident.
Triple P-Umbridge? Please don't let it be Umbridge. Nothing good comes from that woman, and I'm really worried!
I smile every time this hits my inbox-keep 'em coming!
| Love.Fiction.2023 chapter 14 . 10/16/2017
| memnarch chapter 14 . 10/16/2017
I did not expect this chapter to be a flashback, nor for the magical members of the group to share so much with Annie and Henry in the past. I very much enjoyed it though.
Also, it was great to see the fascinating Merlin connections deepen!
| potternut190 chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
Great flashback chapter. Kids were quite open before their obliviation. Another nod to Annie's gemstone!
| nanaeleanor chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
I love a Sunday that includes an update from you! Wow. I am glad to begin putting all those fragments of Annie's memories together. And happy that the Seven had no secrets. I love imagining them as children being open about their differentness. Looks like Craig and his father are shaping up to be the villains. If you had political ambition, you wouldn't want it to get out that your son had done some Muggle-baiting. Interesting that Hen and Annie seem to have realized at the time that their memories have been tampered with. Statute of Secrecy sucks.
And OMG...is "Toadface" still around? And still holding a grudge I guess. Great chapter...thx. Your writing is so flawless. Perfect dialogue and character development. Love it.
| Anon chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
If they had this grand adventure when Annie was 15, why didn't James recognize her in the first chapter. Were all the kids memories altered? Even James, Al, Lily, Hugo and Rose? That would be sinister in my mind.
| Manawydan chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
Aww, I loved this. You've formed them all into such a fantastic group of kids. I really enjoyed seeing the dynamics between all of them at this vital age. I feel like I've watched them grow up in their earliest stages after reading Strangers and seen who they ultimately become from this story, it's nice to finally get the in between years.
(I laughed a bit at Lily's birthday being February 29th. You slotted it in there so casually I actually went to check to see if it was canon, nicely done.)
Hmmmm, so Jacqui has a family heirloom connected to Merlin's sister. This wouldn't by any chance have something to do with why she can see ghosts, now would it? Well either way I'm looking forward to next Strangers update (and this one of course). Keep up the great work!
| theothersideofthings chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
oh my god! this is a reveal-all chapter! I'm still pretty confused though! the Potters had all the kids' memory wiped! wait... they are still friends after Annie's 11th birthday... in the start of the story it sounded like the friendship didn't survive much after that.. but those years were wiped off?
| The Three Stoogies chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
an interesting chapter keep up the great work
| cjconner326 chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
There are so many more questions. And Triple-p! So many answers too...
I most certainly wasn't expecting memories, but it explains so much. And I thought we might be coming to a crossroads of sorts between stories, but now see we are so far from that. And that is a good thing. It hints at so much more.
Thank you for completing my vacation. I can go back to work Monday feeling a bit better.
| poetrywoman chapter 14 . 10/15/2017
So excited about this story, but not sure what's going on at this point. Very interesting though.