|Reviews for In Karen's Mind|
| melinda08 chapter 4 . 10/28/2012
This is awesome!
| Ok chapter 1 . 9/24/2012
Not for anything but fmtill? Chill out. If you don't like it don't read it. There's no need for 3 long rambling reviews complaining point by point about what you didn't like. It's really discouraging to people trying to write. It's fanfic. Chill out. Step away from the computer.
| ftmill16 chapter 3 . 9/13/2012
Okay now this is where, here at the very beginning of the chapter, there was so much incorrect as far as cannon goes, that it's when I decided I couldn't just read and not comment.
Here is what you wrote...
"The bitter-cold months of winter and spring have passed, and now warm summer days were consistent. Karen and Jim have been dating for eleven months now, almost a whole year, and their relationship has gone extremely well. Sure, they fought then and now, but at least if wasn't about Jim's feelings for Pam. It's as if Jim finally got over Pam...but has Pam gotten over Jim?
Karen didn't care.
For the first time in months, Jim was all her's. And she was incredibly happy."
Okay, as I hope I have established at this point, this is very flawed as one week has passed. If this statement were to stand true in one week the seasons totally changed. Also, in the last chapter which was a week before this one, Karen is feeling some serious doubts about Jim's feelings about her and wondering if Jim still has strong feelings for Pam. Yet here she states the relationship problems are behind them and he's all hers. I think that Karen was smart enough to know that Jim was never all hers. That's was she was desperate to get him out of Scranton and away from Pam. The problem with that is he had already left town and Pam once and it made no difference. I think Karen knows that all it would ever take is for Pam to clearly tell Jim how she feels, more than even 'I miss your friendship' and Karen and Jim would be done. I mean, all it took was Karen not being with Jim and Pam sending him a small reminder of 'them' more or less letting Jim know where she stands, and Jim simply couldn't get back to Scranton and Pam fast enough. He ended a 6 month relationship and gave up a big promotion that those who really got to know Jim's character over the years know that he wouldn't really want, because he realized he had a real shot with the girl he loved. I HAVE to believe that Karen was bright see that Jim's heart was always with Pam, especially if he gave it all up so simply. I mean, it should have certainly been clear the night before the interviews when he pretty m auch refused to answer her question about if he would move for her. He first tried to deflect with a joke when she said there's one too many people in Scranton and he said Kevin. He then said yes he gets it but he never said he would move and he also never said who he thought that one person too many is. OKAY, getting ahead of your story and onto future chapters... sorry...
The other HUGE fundamental flaw here is the statement you make that Jim and Karen at this point have been together 11 months. Jim and Karen never made it past 6 1/2 months. As I pointed out, in the episode Women's Appreciation Jim and Karen are celebrating their 6 month anniversary with a dinner out that night. Obviously one week later they can't be together for 11 months. On beach day they were together 6 months and a week.
So something that really bothered me in this chapter is how you have Jim and Karen share not just several kisses but at least two are said to have been at least somewhat passionate and one of them has Jim on top of Karen and they then proclaimed their love for each other. I can say that for certain, in cannon one of the kisses did not happen. I looked specifically to see if I had forgotten something but nope. When Jim chose Karen to be on his team they DID do a chest bump but there was no kiss, quick or otherwise. The thing is, Jim Halpert, they show us is a guy who is really low key as far as public displays of affection. Even once he is with Pam, who he has been deeply in love with for such a long time, there isn't a lot of PDA in the office. Something that REALLY goes against these shows of PDA is back in the bathroom when talking about the anniversary dinner Ryan questions Jim about it and says something like, oh, you guys are together? I think most of us just assumed you were hooking up sometimes. It just isn'tin Jim's character to share such an intimate moment, hovering over a girl, passionately kissing her and ultimately saying he loves her for the very first time while the all of his co workers are present. Second I just cannot imagine Jim would wait 6 whole months to say he loves her (BTW, if he has waited this long I would think he would have told her the week before this when they had their anniversary dinner) so IF he actually says that, I have to believe he actually DOES love her but it doesn't ring true when we know that only one week after this, he realizes this/she isn't what he wants, or that he can't do this anymore, whatever it is that propels him to give up a huge promotion, dump Karen immediately to race back to town to ask and take Pam out that very night. I think that with Jim, dating and love are very serious. I think that when he says he loves you, like with Pam, he KNOWS he does. He waits until he is sure and there's no way there would be a situation where he says that for the FIRST time only to basically take it back, crushing you in the cruelest way, and let you know he's really in love with someone else a week later. That would make Jim a truly despicable person and while I don't think he does the best with break ups, the ones we have seen have been centered around events that take place because of his love for Pam and I think he acts out of character in these instances because of hurt and/or hope.
Another thing I found a bit troubling was the way you characterized the crush Toby had on Pam. You said that the whole office knew but yet I think it was pretty clear in season 4 in the ep Night Out, they were waiting to have the parking lot unlocked and Toby put his hand on Pam's knee and rubbed it a bit. It was pretty obvious that not only were Jim and Pam surprised and shocked, they showed reactions from many office mates and they all were. I don't think Toby's crush was ever anything that was clear at all and I seriously doubt that anyone ever so much as suspected it. I mean, when it was Jim who had fallen for her there were MANY clues but really with Toby you don't see them even interact often. On top of that something that kinda pulls me away from the story is you say that Toby missed another chance to tell Pam he loves her. Really? I mean, I don't know that Toby would even say that he's 'In love' with Pam as much as he likes her and would like to take her out and see if it goes anywhere. Again, they aren't Jim and Pam. Jim fell in love because she was his best friend. They worked just feet from each other and were together constantly during the work day and from his rehersal dinner toast we know they also did some things at least outside of the office. You just don't see that with Toby.
Sorry my reviews are so down. I see a lot of potential for you as an author, maybe I'm confused and you really aren't meaning for these to be cannon. It's just very confusing if that were the case because you are using some of the dialoge from the episodes, word for word so it seems that these are supposed to be set in cannon. I hope you understand what I am talking about. Good luck with the chapters to come.
| ftmill16 chapter 2 . 9/13/2012
Okay, me again. I first wanted to point out, the little things I couldn't be sure about were bothering me so I actually got out my season 3 discs and watched the episode. Following up what I said in the last review Toby had asked Jim while in the women's restroom where he decided to take Karen that night, he said Anna Maria's and Ryan asked what the occasion was to which Jim replied that it's their 6 month anniversary. So their 6 month anniversary was on May 6, 2007. Okay starting with this chapter first I want to start with something that I think is a simple mistake on your part. Not a big deal but with the amount of times the word is used, I know I would want someone to correct me SO, MichAEl is spealled with the A in front of the e. Simple mistake but like I said, I would want to know. Okay, I don't know if you know this but Women's Appreciation took place a week before The Beach. I point this out because you state "It had been cold as ice outside, even in Meredith's van." Yet for The Beach, just a week later you say it's in the 90s. Now I don't live in Scranton, or even in PA but I do live nearby and while this area of the country DOES tend to have wild temperature swings, they don't tend to be quite THAT wild. The other reason for pointing out when it was is that you had Karen guessing that it must have been winter break because of how busy the mall was. Also, you can see when the van they are in gets a flat tire on the way home that it's actually a pretty nice day out. The most anyone has on is a light jacket and not everyone has that on. Actually May is really after pretty much all of the SPRING breaks have finished let alone winter. Actually it's when many schools are letting out for the summer. Normally later in May, but May none the less. I'm also wondering if you realized that Angela is talking about American Girl dolls, not antique dolls. The reason those were brought up is that it is an extremely polular line of dolls for girls that you can buy clothing for your child that matches the doll's clothes. What Angela had said in the episode is something about wearing some of the clothing from the American Girl doll line and that is because they have stuff that is very conservative and buttoned up for their dolls that are based in earlier era's. She wasn't actually interested in the dolls themselves. (unless I missed something.)
I'm really not trying to be tough on you. These are just things that really take me out of the story and rather than concentrating on what you have written I'm worrying about the fact that the facts, as put forth on the show (cannon) are incorrect. I know that many authors say they would like to have things like this pointed out so that they can improve so, that's why I am doing it.
Also, I admit, I feel a bit like this story makes Pam seem mean and seems to be using the 'facts' on the show to do it and that really bothers me. Okay, on to chapter 3. I'm sure you're thrilled! :o)
| ftmill16 chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
Hi... I'm really pretty confused when it comes to your story. It seems as if you are trying to stay true to cannon. I mean, you are using exact dialogue from the show which is what leads me to believe this. If that is so, first off I'm pretty sure that the night of 'Women's Appreciation' Jim is taking Karen to dinner because it's their 6 month anniversary. Now I admit I didn't go watch the episode just to verify this but I know when all the guys were relaxing in the women's restroom while Micheal was at the mall with the girls, I believe it was Ryan who asked Jim if he had decided where he was taking Karen for their 6 month anniversary. I mention this because you have Karen come in and right away ask Jim about if he wants to have dinner at a specific restaurant. Next um, Kevin is not slow. This is actually a bit of a sore spot for many of the true Office fans because for some reason in the last season or two they've written him as a bit of an idiot when in fact it's only the way he comes across. If you have do you watched the entire series, do you remember when Holly first came on the show in the season 4 finale, Good-Bye Toby? Dwight, after Micheal told him how much he disliked the new HR rep, this was before he even met her. He just believed he would hate her because he hated Toby. SO, Dwight sets out to show his solidarity and loyalty to Michael and does several things to Holly that day. One of them is telling Holly that Kevin is slow and I think he said that he was hired through a work initiative for the slow or something. Anyhow, that's why all day Holly is being all nice and helpful with Kevin and Kevin totally gets the wrong idea about it, thus his talking head about how he's totally going to bang Holly. It later comes out and right now I can't remember exactly how that happened but I remember him (Kevin) asking Holly, did you think I was slow? Angela says in her patronizing voice, oh that's so insulting or something along that line but the bottom line is that though Kevin talks slow and seems a bit dense, there's nothing wrong with him. (Think about it. Of all areas would they have a slow person working in accounting?) You also have some smaller flaws that to me aren't huge but they do take you out of the story a bit. For instance you wrote "Women will be sent home if they were makeup" Of course that should be wear makeup rather than were. I normally don't comment on these things but they are just really bothering me and as I have continued to read this, trying to figure out where you are going with it I just couldn't keep quiet any longer. Okay, onto chapter 2...
| Parker Pine chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
I like the direction this is going. Karen was always one of my favorite characters.