|Reviews for Will Graham|
| JinxNightshade chapter 1 . 4/23/2013
| RedRain chapter 4 . 1/21/2013
Your story is awesome and I'd love to read so much more and not only because it's so hard to find awesome storys like yours about Hannibal and Will.
Can't wait to read the next chapter *_*
| Grymmarie chapter 3 . 9/10/2012
An interesting read. I've noticed twice you've apologized for not knowing how to cook streak and say that'd rather avoid it. But you didn't just skip over it and did a decent job on it.
I don't particularly like having to read a lot about someone cooking, but that's just me. I hope we get to see them working together soon and find the killer.
I'm really interested to see your take on how they work together before the tv show "Hannibal" comes out (Where I've read that Chilton and Freddie Lounds are played by women)
| MajorBachman chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
I agree with LovingHannibal on one point: it's a good start in regards to your plot. LH says some editing is needed but that's just a minor consideration. I disagree there. The writing style is of utmost importance here. The choice of words, length of sentences, paragraphs, chapters, plot - it all adds up to the complete story. In my opinion, there's one thing that I really wish to point out and that is the length of your sentences. You're glueing them together, sometimes with and sometimes without commas. Best example:
"It belonged onto a young boy who was named 'Brady Cliff' the young boy had been apprehended three days before the body was found, apparently his parents were out for the day visiting some friends that they had managed to find through an online site, Brady had agreed to meet up with some friends after school as he walked to their "secret hideout" a middle aged man jumped out and threatened to shoot him unless he gave him all the money in his pocket, his back pack and his school tie, being young and terrified Brady didn't question the man and gave it to him unaware that the gun the man was holding was only a plastic mold. "
You have one big, long, continuing, maybe even annoying, unstopable, ... (you get the picture) sentence. And there's an abundance of information - my second point of comment. How about:
"It belonged to a boy named Brady Cliff. The kid had been abducted when he was on his way over to some friends, since his parents weren't home. His body was found three days later."
Was it important why his parents were away? How can we know/read the details of the abduction? All Will knows the kids was taken and found three days later, strangled with the tie, so why the details?
I'm eagerly awaiting chapter two.
| lovinghannibal chapter 1 . 8/26/2012
You have an exceptional start in regards to your plot and your characterizations are true to their nature. There is some editing needed, but that is a minor consideration. You have a very good beginning here, my friend! Keep up the good work!